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Like many, I spent quite a bit of time sipping on the tea spilled by rapper DaBaby and Dani Leigh. Unless you were under a rock or have a life outside of social media, you know the two entertainers got into a very heated exchange that played out on Instagram. The police were called, charges were pressed, and receipts were presented. Oh and course, people added their own two cents on the drama that took place including other women in the rapper’s life.

Like the masses, I had my share of thoughts about the drama. I understand that despite the situation, there is always an opportunity to learn and grow. And this situationship was filled with teachable moments for women and girls who chose love over logic while ignoring big, bold and bright red flags.  

Dababy’s music bops, but the “Shug Knight” rapper has been nothing but problematic since he stepped on the scene. He’s linked to a rash of fights, arrests and ignorant statements, but it’s his womanizing that I find most harmful. Since his rise to fame, the rapper has gone from one ride or die baby mama to three baby mamas and been connected to countless sneaky links. If nothing else, we must offer him credit for consistency. DaBaby is an equal opportunity fuck boy.

It’s the lack of respect and consideration for me. You would think a young man with such obvious love and admiration for his mother and daughters would offer the same to the women in his life—yet instead they get the opposite.

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Baby daddy and baby mama culture is now normalized, and while it would be ideal to create spaces where respectful co-parenting exist, that isn’t everyone’s reality. Hell, I’m a baby mama too. No, I wasn’t able to co-parent without the presence of disrespect and drama. Like DaBaby, my babies’ father had no idea that my emotional and mental health would play a huge part in our children’s growth and development. I know how depressing and damning it feels to have someone you share something so significant with play with you when they shouldn’t play about you at all. It happens often, though, Summer Walker has an entire album dedicated to this very topic.

Itook me years to heal from baby daddy traumaCiara isn’t the only one with a prayer. I prayed daily while pregnant with my daughter: “Lord whatever it is I have for this man, with the exception of my children, remove it.”

Honey, it was as if I pushed him out with the baby. I gave birth to our child in late November, and before the New Year, buddy was out of there. I still had to sit with myself and a counselor. In the words of Queen Aretha Franklin, “It Hurt Like Hell,” but the value of healing is priceless. It is why I emerged stronger, wiser and eager to use my experiences to empower others. It is why I’m offering Dani Leigh and other baby mama’s with trashy baby daddy’s some light and logic.

It was cringy watching Dani Leigh with DaBaby from the beginning because babygirl was doing too damn much. Now, let me be clear, doing the most in a relationship is fine but reciprocity is a must.

Stop showing people they are more important to you than you are to yourself. You can love someone with your entire heart but when you love them more than you love yourself, there’s a problem Houston. This attitude creates a space that encourages negligence by showing individuals that you lack importance. Why would someone care for you more than you care for you?


When viewers realized Dani was still in DaBaby’s home after he put her out, folks got even madder. Me and my baby would have been out of there. I would prefer peace while sleeping in a box than distress in a mansion. My baby’s daddy left me while I was pregnant and like Dani, I went back. Luckily, I had my own place that he couldn’t make me leave because, whew Chile. 

Never stay where you aren’t wanted and I mean that literally and figuratively. Figure out how to remove yourself despite the hardship it may create because staying will only make matters worse. Sure, being with the father of your child and living happily ever after is aspirational. However, if he is putting you and your child out—after leaving you while pregnant—it’s over. It’s done. Leave and never look back.

Some women will witness a man dog another woman and think it can’t happen to us because we are different. Yeah, as women we are not a monolith. While Dani Leigh and Meme are different—DaBaby is isn’t. He is the same man that cheated, embarrassed and disrespected his first baby’s mother. Nothing has changed but the tables have turned. Instead of trolling Meme with “Yellow Bone” colorism, Dani Leigh could have shown more grace.  

Ladies, we gotta stop playing ourselves. One thing many of us fail to do is take accountability for the roles we play in the mistreatment of others. Too often, we energize our aggressors to make ourselves the victim. We victimize ourselves by ignoring red flags and offering grace for bad behavior. If “looks like a duck and quacks like a duck—then it’s a duck” is was thing … believe it. Shitty behavior reserved for someone else could easily be transferred to you. 

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