Why You Can’t Have (Healthy) Love Without Self-Love
- By
Julia Austin
Source: FatCamera / Getty
What is the trigger/shame spiral?
I asked Hogi to expand on the trigger/shame spiral. She said that “Whenever you have self-judgment, that produces shame. Even the term triggered, it means it’s [the conflict] triggering something that’s already existing inside of you. They [your partner] say something that is something you already feared was true about you. You’re hit in that wound.” Whatever that deeply-held belief is, it is different for everyone. It could be “You’re not good enough” or “You’re not worthy of love.” These are beliefs that are not true, but still ones you can be holding onto. And so long as you harbor those, any reference to them from another person can be triggering.
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