Why You Can’t Have (Healthy) Love Without Self-Love

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Smiling friends with eyes closed against red wall

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Author Barbara Hart said, “Other than the love of God; the greatest love is self-love. You have to love yourself more than you love someone else in order to succeed in a prosperous life.” Singer and actress Eartha Kitt said, “It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit.”

Self-love is a topic that’s been discussed extensively by many. But there might be something that’s always bothered you about the concept of self-love, and that might be that people speak of it in such vague terms. “Just love yourself” is thrown around about as casually as “Just be yourself,” and we all know how annoying it is when someone tells you to “just be yourself.” “I thought I already was…” is what you might say. And you might feel the same way when told to love yourself. But it is important to have self-love if you want healthy, fulfilling love from others.

We spoke with life and love coach Francesca Hogi about what it actually means to have self-love. Hogi provided actionable steps, as well as clear and concise reasoning behind why self-love is linked to healthy romantic relationships. Find more advice from Hogi on Instagram and Twitter.

Frencesca Hogi

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You might have a broken love without self-love

“I actually disagree when somebody says you can’t have love without self-love,” says Hogi. “You can love another person without loving yourself. You absolutely can. People do it every day. However, those relationships will inherently be dysfunctional, in that, if you do not know how to love yourself, you will always be dependent on outside validation in order to feel worthy.”

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