Where is this boundary coming from?
When someone sets a boundary in a relationship, it’s important to ask if it’s coming from a healthy place or, possibly, from some unresolved issues that that person is now projecting onto their partner. I gave Howard the example of my friend whose boyfriend set the boundary of her not hanging out with her male friends when he’s not present. Howard said of that example, “Get to the root of what’s behind a compromise. Maybe that was a jealousy issue. Maybe that’s him thinking of himself and how he is with other women – he’s projecting that onto the men she’s hanging around. Is this compromise coming from the partner’s insecurity? Their needs to be validated? Is it coming from a trust issue?”