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jealousy and insecurity

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I think there is a hilarious and absolutely inaccurate idea out there that there is some super-chill woman on the planet who never gets jealous. I’m just going to say right here, right now, that any woman who actually really loves and lusts for her man experiences some jealousy, sometimes. It doesn’t mean she is, at her core, insecure. It doesn’t mean she lacks confidence. It doesn’t even mean that she doesn’t trust her partner, or that she senses any sort of real threat. Jealousy is a feeling we evolved to have. You want to know which of our Neanderthal female ancestors managed to raise their babies to adulthood and pass on their genes? The ones who kept an eye on the babies’ daddy to make sure he wasn’t off sharing his resources with others. The jealous survived and their offspring survived. So we, as humans, evolved to naturally feel some jealousy, sometimes. It’s an old—albeit unnecessary—survival instinct kicking in.


I will confess that, even though my partner would say I’m rock-solid and emotionally stable 95 percent of the time, I have my moments where I’m like, “Woah. Where did this craziness come from.” Luckily, my partner never calls me crazy—even when I’m acting it—because good men don’t do that. But when it happened, I knew. I could see the fear in his eyes. I could see him wondering, “Is this the new norm? Has she finally flown off the rails?” I had a bout of jealousy.


When you’re in a jealousy spiral, it feels uncontrollable, right? Like you can’t control your thoughts. Your mind is just making sh*t up to get you upset. And you can feel this shame, like this jealousy is your dirty secret that nobody would understand. But that’s not true. Here are times even confident women feel jealous.



That childhood female friend

That old female friend of his with whom he has so many memories. They have their inside jokes. They could talk for hours about growing up on the same block. They have all those shared friends. She knows his family better than you know his family. And now she’s coming to visit you guys, and the two of them are going to pal around town while you’re busy with work or your usual activities.

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