Sorry Boo! Mean Thoughts All Women Have About Their Boyfriend Eventually

Do you really think that feels good?

You love him. It’s not all about the sex. Your sense of emotional intimacy should make all sex with him feel good, right? Wrong. We can all get caught up in the technicalities of sex sometimes, no matter how much we love the guy, and think, “What is he thinking doing that?” Don’t fear that you don’t love a guy anymore just because you’re more “in your head” during sex than you used to be. That happens after you’ve been sleeping with someone for a long time, no matter how much you love him. In the beginning, all it took was being near each other to get totally lost in carnal bliss. Now, a “moment” has to be created, and it takes more work when the mystery is gone. And without that “moment”, you suddenly realize all sorts of things in bed…

I wish you dressed more like…

Every woman suffers from grass-is-greener syndrome. There will always be something you want to change about your man and there will always be some guy out there that does that something perfectly, and since you don’t know him at all, you don’t have to face the reality that if you dated him, there would be things that bothered you about him too! So, you shamelessly compare your guy to that guy. It pains you a little each time you see that “model” guy because it only reminds you how much your man’s clothes/haircut/job bother you. You’re not an awful person. Here is a secret: your man compares you to other women too…but at the end of the day, you are both with the person you want to be with.

You’re more work than help

Relationships are about give and take, but we all get tired of giving sometimes. Once your relationship is well established and you know your guy isn’t going anywhere, it can be easy for those thoughts of, “Do I really need to drive over there tonight to be with him? When I just want to get a good night’s sleep alone/get some work done/catch up on my show…” And for a moment, having him around feels more like a burden than a joy. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It just means that like everyone, sometimes you are selfish and struggle with carrying on such a symbiotic relationship—they’re a lot of work!

Sorry if my feelings are inconvenient for your small brain

Women can multitask and multi think. Men, well…can’t. They need to work out one thing at a time. That’s why often, when a woman wants to bring up an issue to an already stressed man, he explodes, implodes, or runs away. Because he was currently working something else out in his head and couldn’t handle another item. This is when a woman can easily feel that a man’s brain is just smaller or less developed than hers. We juggle dozens of issues at a time. We can easily feel like a man is just a big baby when he won’t fit our feelings/concerns/issues into his head. Yeah, it’s bitchy and high and mighty of us. But we all think it sometimes.

Your exes were awful. You’re a bad judge of character.

Just like us, men have a learning curve in their relationships. With time, each girlfriend gets better. That means, if you go back in time, each ex gets worse and the more you know about them, the more you think, “Is my boyfriend an idiot? How did he date her?” But, if you looked back in your dating history, there are some exes that could be evidence that you’re an “idiot” too. But you’re not. You both have just done your learning.

Your friends are idiots

Men and women choose their friends very differently. Women look for “complete” friends. In each individual friend, we want a person that we can shop with, laugh with, have deep conversations with, party with, get drunk with and get intellectual with. If one of these qualities is totally missing, we struggle to want to be around that friend. Men can compartmentalize friends more. They can have their video game friend, their friend they talk about girls with, their friend they talk about work with etc. For this reason, your boyfriend is bound to have some friends that seem like idiots to you because when they’re around, all they are talking about is video games or strippers or getting stoned—whatever it is your boyfriend keeps that particular friend around for.

You are an idiot around your friends

Because of their hormones, men have more energy to release. They’re repressing a lot more while they’re at work than women are. In other words, there is usually a larger discrepancy between their work personality and casual personality, whereas for women, we’re not that different in or out of the work environment. So, when guys get around their friends, they really need to let loose. And you know how that looks—lots of drinking, inappropriate conversation, farting and video games. The truth is: yes, they are idiots around their friends. But it makes them happy.

If I had that extra weight you wouldn’t date me

This one is just true. There are far more slender women out there dating men with a gut than visa versa. Maybe you don’t torture yourself to stay thin, but sometimes the thought crosses your mind that if you had to, your guy would be okay with it! Meanwhile, he would not (and clearly does not, based on his love handles) do the same for you. But, the evolutionary reality is that men and women evolved to select for different things. Men select for a “fertile” looking body—proportions that could produce a healthy baby. Women look for “protection” and while that used to be brawn, today it’s intelligence, charm, connections—the things that make men money. And often, the smarties are the fatties. Not necessarily fat, but just less attendant to their appearance.

Am I just a toy to you?

Women show that they care but letting a person elaborate on their emotions, vent, get it all out and work everything through. When a friend or our partner comes to us to talk, we facilitate the furthering of that conversation. Men show they care by taking our minds off of our problems. We’re sad, so they try to make it better by making us laugh, or trying to have sex with us, or putting on a TV show we like. This can make us feel like we’re a “toy” to men because they don’t want to be there in our bad times. Their method of making us feel better can look like their method of avoiding tough subjects.

Aren’t men supposed to be less needy?

When you are single and dating, you will usually feel like the more needy one because men are much slower to show their emotions at first. However, once a man has decided to be with you, usually he lets it all hang out. It’s hourly phone calls of, “Can you come over? I miss you. I want to cuddle. No, don’t hang up! I want to talk. I’m lonely. I’m sad. Can you come over?” Every guy is secretly looking for a woman that he can allow himself to be totally needy with.

Can you be less of a brute/more of a man?

If you’re dating a guy that likes to pick fights in bars, you’re probably often repulsed by how much he reminds you of the alpha gorilla in the jungle. You think, “Can you be less of a brute? You look mentally un-evolved. It’s embarrassing.” Of course, the woman with the more timid, “polite” man is often turned off when her man doesn’t make a sound in situations where he is offended or disrespected. You think, “Be a man!”

You’ve lost all sex appeal to me

He’s farted in front of you, asked you to hand deliver toilet paper to him on the toilet, vomited in a bathroom you had to clean up, and he’s given up wearing his nice boxers that didn’t have holes in them. There is no mystery left there. Usually, however, if you’ve come to this state, most of the time it’s because you feel so emotionally close, that that turns you on enough. But, consider this phase like wearing those rose-colored glasses. Everything looks so warm and lovable but every so often, the glasses slip and you see all the cracks and think, “That is not hot!” Don’t worry: the glasses will come back on if you really love him.

You shouldn’t be in charge of your own money.

Multiple studies have found that men are more impulsive with their money. It’s a good and a bad thing. They are willing to make larger investments than women are, potentially yielding a larger payoff. But, this same lack of fear often drives them to make stupid purchases. Especially around their friends when they think it makes them cool to order a stretch limo and take everybody to a strip club where they’ve reserved bottle service.

You’re probably still a jerk.

All guys were jerks at some point. They probably all cheated on a girl in high school, slept with a girl(s) and never called her back, lead a girl on they never planned on dating, kept as a booty call a girl that really liked them and so on. The acts of a young man can be so atrocious, it takes a large leap of faith for us to believe that the kind, grown man we are dating now is no longer that guy. But sometimes, if we know enough about his past, we will look at him in total disgust and say, “I bet he’s still in there.”

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