The Black Snob Asks: What If These White Celebs Were Black?

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Case No. 4 Lindsay Lohan 

She’s like Charlie Sheen, but looks more like one of the women he would take out on a date and ruin. Also known for some really cool teen movies like Mean Girls and the Freaky Friday remake with Jamie Lee Curtis. But lately, she’s mostly known for being a hot mess. She’s in the middle of mounting a “hey guys, I’m clean again, give me some work” comeback, but we’ve heard this story before.


See everything I said about Charlie Sheen, but replace the “fighting women” with stealing things, crashing cars and stalking her ex-girlfriend Sam Ronson. Although LiLo has managed to cheat death, she’s still young, meaning there’s always a shot that if she were black she might just denounce Hollywood, find Jesus and start doing nothing but Tyler Perry films. Sure, that’s not mainstream success, but it is SUCCESS. And you get to be alive while having that success. Can’t ask for much more than that? But it bears repeating that black women – even famous ones – cannot suffer the career suicide of breaking the law, having a mental breakdown and being high all at the same time without some deadly consequences. Especially when they never get it together.

Case in point: I’m still really mad over Whitney Houston, but I’ll still go see Sparkle opening weekend

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