I was visiting my friend who has two kids right now (in an outdoor setting because coronavirus) and she was talking about how very much in love she still is with her husband since having kids, but that the relationship has gone through its ups and downs. I reminded her that, if parenthood doesn’t impact your relationship one bit, then you’re probably doing parenthood wrong. She laughed and agreed, and just said that, having to make all of those decisions, every day, about something you care about literally more than anything in the world (your kids) is bound to create arguments. Those are battles you don’t get to not choose with your partner. You feel so strongly and passionate about the wellbeing of your kids that, when your and your partner’s opinion differs on how to handle something, it’s hard not to get worked up. “The good thing is that we worked out the big stuff before even getting pregnant,” she said. Huh. I pried. She said things like, whether or not they’d be raised religious, whether they’d opt for public or private school at various times of their lives – things like that – were things they talked about before getting pregnant. It seems so genius but also so obvious. Right? But a lot of parents don’t do it. They agree they want kids, that’s about all they agree on, and they toss out the condoms. Here are things parents should talk about before even getting pregnant.
Where to raise the kids
You may both have quiet ideas about where you’d like to raise the kids, in the long run. Maybe you think the city where you live now is obviously where you’d raise the kids. You want them to be exposed to culture and diversity from a young age. But maybe your partner thinks you’ll obviously move to the suburbs once the kids are there. You’d be shocked how many couples think they’re on the same page about this, but aren’t.