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Time and time again we walk into these old, familiar situations with men that we know won’t go anywhere good. We’ve been down that road before, and we know where it leads and yet…we want to walk it again. Maybe we fool ourselves into thinking that this time it will be different. But there are some situations you cannot hack, like when you meet a man who is recently divorced or who is a self-diagnosed workaholic. “But this one’s different!” you say. “This one is special,” you insist. Yeah, yeah. We all know where this is headed—you spending months trying to fix this broke down or messed up man because, damnit, you’ve put too much time into it to turn back now. You know how you avoid that situation? You just don’t get involved in these types of relationships to begin with.
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He says he doesn’t want anything serious
You tell yourself that you’ll change your mind—he didn’t want anything serious, but he hasn’t met you yet. Then you just set yourself up for a massive blow to your self-esteem when it turns out that not even you can make this man want a serious relationship.
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He is separated
Just don’t go there. Dating a man who is carrying out divorce proceedings is hard enough—don’t trouble yourself with a guy who hasn’t even officially decided to get a divorce. A lot of separated couples get back together and make it work. A lot. And if this man is only separated, he’s still way too wounded to get involved with somebody new.
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He’s still talking to his ex
Why do we go there? Perhaps because we want to prove to ourselves that we are just that good and that enticing that we can make a man forget all about the ex with whom he’s still speaking. Then we get angry and feel disrespected because, yup, he’s still talking to her and, well, we said we were “cool with it” so there’s nothing to do about it now.
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He’s never been single
You may think this is a good thing since, clearly he’s good at being a boyfriend. Or…maybe he’s a serial monogamist who is afraid of being alone. That means that if he dates you, it’s just because he was looking for anyone to fill that void in his life. But he doesn’t see you as special, unfortunately.
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You’d be his first serious girlfriend
Now perhaps this guy isn’t a serial monogamist but actually a serial bachelor. That’s right—you’d be his very first girlfriend. And he says he’s ready for it! But, truly, this would just be like training camp for him. Do you want to be his trainer? I promise you that you don’t.
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He “Isn’t into monogamy”
Those are his words. And yet, you move forward anyways. Surely you can make this man a one-woman-man, right? Nah. If he said he isn’t into monogamy, it was to set himself up in a nice little situation where he’s free to sleep around. He warned you, after all, and you dated him anyways.
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He’s too busy to date
He tells you that he’s too busy to date and can only be with somebody who understands his very hectic schedule. Translation: he still has a lot of walls up and isn’t willing to make the time for a relationship. Trust me: you don’t want a man whom you’re only allowed to see or call during designated office hours.
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He wants something “traditional”
He also says a few things about not liking party girls and just wanting to settle down already. So this guy wants to make you a stay-at-home trophy wife. He will be controlling and possessive. He will get angry at you for not being home to make him dinner because you were at happy hour with the girls.
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He’s in love with his boys
It’s good that he has close friends. You wouldn’t want to date someone who doesn’t. But, if he has a full on bromance with his boys—like he’s too attached to them—you’ll always be battling them for time with him.
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He’s moving soon
Just don’t do it. Why set yourself up for heartache? And let me tell you something, if you do date him for the few weeks or months he has left in your town, it will feel like the perfect relationship because it isn’t real. It’s like a vacation relationship: there’s an expiration date. So you aren’t even getting a real sense of what it would be like to be with him, then you’ll mourn the loss of him.
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He’s about to start a business
If he’s about to launch a business—perhaps he’s opening a restaurant or starting a small company—you may want to keep your space. That is a process that completely consumes someone’s time and attention. He cannot possibly nurture a new relationship the way one needs to while also nurturing a new business.
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He’s in something “complicated”
He won’t give you specifics, but he says he’s free to see other people. So basically he’s on a break with somebody right now. You do not want to be the woman he just uses to make his pseudo-ex jealous during the break.
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He calls all of his exes “crazy”
If he calls all of his exes “Crazy,” then that means one of two things: he either genuinely chooses unstable women, which says something about him, or he’s such a douchebag that he drives women to insanity, which also says a lot about him. Just don’t date a dude who talks about his exes that way.
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He has a girlfriend
No, no, no, no, no. A lot of women out there think that dating a dude with a girlfriend isn’t a big deal, stating, “It’s not like they’re married.” But all of the same rules and issues still apply. He’ll forever see you as a sidepiece. You give yourself no shot at any sort of real relationship with this man, since things started with such a sullied beginning. He doesn’t respect the sanctity of a relationship. Just get out of there.
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He’s still hurting
From a breakup or divorce. You just want to save him. He’s like a beautiful wounded baby bird. But the act will get old, quickly. You’ll get tired of feeling like a therapist with a patient rather than a girlfriend with a boyfriend. You’ll want someone to lift you up and hold up his end of things, too.
