Uh, Somebody Lied to You: 8 Misconceptions About Single Black Women

May 30, 2012  |  
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I’m sure you’ve read just about enough articles on why black women are single and never will get married to make you want to shut off your computer and stop your magazine subscriptions. There’s enough random statistics and surveys out there about our lives and personal business, and a majority of the time, it comes from non-black women. If you’re gullible enough, you’ll probably take all of these stories and more to heart and start panicking, but if you’re not, you’re probably just tired of it all. That’s probably why we decided to come up with this list of misconceptions about all black women when it comes to dating and why we’re single that need to be rid of. Feel free to add more way down below and let people know they need to stop worrying about you and yours.

We’re trying to get hooked up with any and everybody

Thanks, but no thanks. Whether it’s through your friends who mean well or a parent who is worried about the lack of grandbabies running around their home, some people assume that you’ll be a perfect match with the first guy they find who has a decent smile, decent style and decent credit. However, they totally ignore all the glaring signs that this fella is not your type. If folks run across a man they know you’ll have so much in common with, cool. But the whole idea that we’re so desperate nowadays to take and deal with anything isn’t cool. We’re not all out in these streets wishing and praying and hoping for the first man with a pulse who smiles in our direction.

That Steve Harvey and ‘nem know us better than we know ourselves

Sure, Think Like a Man wasn’t bad, but after Steve decided he was going to be a relationship expert (he even doles out advice on “Family Feud” sometimes. Ugh.), everyone and their mother decided they wanted to pen a book or get on the radio talking about what’s keeping black women lonely at night. ONCE AGAIN, thanks, but no thanks. In reality, a lot of what these men are saying is pretty much common sense, so just because you can tell us “Stop being so damn independent” or ” Spice things up in the bedroom” in a stern voice and because you wrote a love song or two doesn’t make you the end all, be all for information on the mind and matters of black women in the dating world. Now sit down somewhere.

That you CAN’T be single by choice

While it’s nice to have a significant other to hang out with, cuddle with, and well, you know…there are many sistahs out here who aren’t looking for anything serious at all. Perhaps you’re just getting out of a serious relationship and want to casually do your thing, or maybe you’re just not ready for all the responsibility that comes with having a man again (you know, worrying about someone else’s feelings and desires, being worried about another adult who isn’t family on a daily basis, etc.). Or maybe, just maybe, we’re out in these streets trying to learn more about and be happy with ourselves. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

We have beef with and vendetta against black men who date outside their race

This one’s touchy because I think we all know that there are SOME black women out there who throw the deepest and darkest of shade at black men for dating outside of their race. No offense to anyone, but we’ve seen it on our Facebook page and on some of our articles. However, not all of us get on the sidewalk and cut our eyes at black men holding hands with white women, or flip over computer screens at the sight of KimYe. Nor do we all go out looking to date outside of our race as revenge (who has time for that?). While some might care and take the dating choices of certain black men personally, many are out here minding their own business. As Kevin Hart would say, “Do you boo boo, DO YOU! CAUSE I’MA DO ME!!!”

Successful sistahs would rather make money than be a Mrs.

It might just be me, but sometimes I feel like folks like to make you feel bad for wanting to have more for your life and for working hard to get it. Hence all the side talk about “Miss Independent” and the issue with being “too” independent. Word on the street is, we don’t know how to let a man be a man, and low-key want to be the “man” in the relationship, and that’s why we’re alone. And if that’s not enough, we don’t want to cook or clean for anybody because we’d rather be out there working to collect six figures and wear the pants in the relationship. Psych! There are many hard-working successful women who want to excel in their fields but also want to settle down, be married and be mothers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard the saying that degrees don’t keep you warm at night, but who says a woman can’t have the degrees, the accolades and a family? We’re doing it, so stop all that talk.

Standards we set are too high, we’re too stuck up, and we’re just plain ‘ol angry

Because there always HAS to be something wrong with YOU if you don’t have a man, right? You’ve probably heard people say that our standards are too high, we’re too stank-a-dank-dank, or our attitudes are our downfall when it comes to finding and keeping a man. We boss our men around instead of letting them lead the way. If it isn’t one thing, thing it’s another. It’s a shame that when you won’t let yourself be subjected to any ‘ol kind of mess when it comes to men, when you like nice things or don’t like to walked over like a doormat and want to voice your opinion when things aren’t right, there’s something wrong with you. We don’t all walk around with a chip on our shoulder or demand that you make $100,000, live in a condo, want 2.5 kids, have a six-pack and drive a car 2011 or newer. But when we do have reasonable standards or don’t allow people to talk to us however, there’s a negative in that? Shouldn’t men and women all have standards?

We’re all bitter, unhappy, and have given up on love

Sure, I’m sure we’ve all had our hearts put through the wringer before, some of us more than others, but that doesn’t mean we all assume there are no good men left in the world and that we all want to put up angry social media statuses that say “All men ain’t s**t.” We don’t all sit around with a scowl on our faces angry at the world because we’ve been done wrong and give every guy who tries to talk to us after the fact the hardest of times. And if a woman does give you brothas out there the time of day sometimes, ever stopped to think that maybe your approach is could be a bit disrespectful…?

We All Want Ratchet Bad Boys

Okay, so I know for sure that I’m speaking for myself. While many “good” men like to claim that black women would rather be treated like crap by a bad guy than be treated nicely by a “good” guy, that’s not all true. I don’t want a bad guy with bad credit, a bad record, and bad baby mothers eating my food, wasting my time and playing with my emotions, and I know many other women who feel the same. While some women might find fun and adventure with a fella with a wild streak, blame that more on the type of women YOU’RE seeking out (aka, blame yourself and where you’re looking for women), not all black women.

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