Out of Site, Out of Mind and In Luck: Why The Best Way To Find Love Is To Forget About It

May 29, 2012  |  
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It’s said that you always meet someone just when you weren’t looking. It’s said that love finds you. And, for any single female, these sayings can get annoying. Are you supposed to walk around with your head down, not paying attention to your male counterparts? Ceasing the search for love doesn’t mean you have to become a cold Beyotch to the male race. But, there are some behaviors you should avoid because they will only land you in something you think is love. Like these:

 

All you see is the good in guys

Does every man have qualities that could make him a good boyfriend? Sure. Some qualities. If you’re desperately seeking a relationship, you’ll be ultra aware of whatever would make a man relationship material, and blind to what wouldn’t make him that. Which could mean you end up wasting your time holding out for a guy that is clearly not getting with the program. He only texts once a week—you jump for joy at that one text. He’s clearly disinterested to be at events you take him to—you see it as, “How nice of him to even come!” He gives you an inch; you view it as a mile.

You’re not patient enough for the good ones

Any man worth being in a relationship with isn’t going to jump into one. A stable man who is in a place where he is ready to give will be one who will take his time getting to know someone—he’ll hold back on making you feel like his world, until you really are! Of course, if you want an insta-relationship, you’re going to let the men who jump into things pick you up. And they’re usually guys who are super needy, have trust issues, are controlling, have mother issues…you name it. Stable guys go slow.

Men can always smell despair

The reverse of the last point is true, too. Stable women don’t rush into things. And men can always smell despair. They can smell when you laugh a little too much at their jokes, or when you’re somehow miraculously always available to hang out even if they call at the last minute. I’m not saying you need to play hard to get to attract a good man, but you do need to show that you hold yourself at some value and you stand by your own beliefs. If you believe what he just said wasn’t that funny, you shouldn’t be laughing. If you believe he should have given you more of a heads up before inviting you to dinner in thirty minutes, you shouldn’t be going. A man will only consider your time and your presence as valuable as you do.

You’ll accidentally change

If you really want someone else in your life, you’ll force the shoe to fit. You might give a little here, and a little there, agree when you don’t really agree, act excited for something you couldn’t care less about in order to make yourself fit into a man’s life. Before you know it, you’ve got yourself committed to having to be somebody else for the majority of your days, just to be with somebody else.

Happy is attracted to happy

There’s a reason that when you’ve got no makeup on and messy hair, you just put on a big smile for the camera—because happy is attractive. Look—everyone wants happiness in their life. Most of what we do is in the pursuit of happiness. If you look like—and are—thrilled to be in your own skin and to be living the life you created all on your own, men will want to be a part of that. A (stable) man doesn’t want to be the only one bringing happiness to the table in a relationship; he doesn’t want to rush in and save a depressed woman. He wants to know you’re a good time and full of positive energy—all things you can bring to his life.

You get set up too much

And finally, if you put it out there that you’re looking for love, you’re going to be set up on more blind dates than you can handle by your well-meaning friends, family, co-workers, and the bakery owner who sees you eating breakfast alone every morning. Blind dates, let’s face it, don’t usually turn into relationships because you’ve got no foundation for authentic feelings, but you’ve got the clock ticking for those feelings to develop as your friends eagerly watch and ask, “Did you kiss yet? Do you like him? When are you going out again?”

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