Monika: Damon: I have a friend and we’ve been friends for a little over seven years; I’m kinds interested in him & I think we’d be good together but there is something keeping me from giving anything and its communication. Ill text or call and don’t hear back until days later and he’ll say he was busy with work. Does this mean he isn’t interested or is my gut right for having me a little upset? It only takes a few seconds to say hello. Right?
D.Y.: If this was a guy you’d recently met and you were interested in him (and he knew you were interested), I’d agree that him taking a while to get back to you is a sure sign that he’s just not that into you. Sure, we (men) can get busy, but no man on Earth is too busy to say hey to a woman he’s feeling. Your situation, though, is different. Sounds like you’re just friends, and you’ve been friends for a long time. Right now he probably treats your texts the same way I treat texts from friends; if it’s urgent or interesting I’ll respond right away. If not, you’ll probably get one of those “Damn…I’m just now seeing this text. My bad” replies two days later.
Monika: Okay so with that being said, should I say anything to him about it or just let it slide assuming it wont change? To be honest I’m too old (not really, I’m 34 but you get it) to go round and round. I mean should I even say how I feel? My gut is telling MD no until he gets right with the communication. We’ve been in each other’s lives this long he should kinda know what annoys me because I’ve fussed before about other folks. Lol
D.Y.: I mean, if he’s been this way as long as you’ve known him, and you’re still good friends, what incentive does he have to change?
V: I choose to be single, or in a long term relationship….don’t want to necessarily get married. I’m constantly criticized by family & friends because of my choice. Why? What’s wrong with not wanting to get married?
D.Y.: Nothing wrong with that at all. It’s just that some people assume that everyone wants the same thing, and have trouble understanding that not everybody wants to follow the same relationship path. Also, I think many people assume that a woman saying “I don’t want to get married” is basically her saying “Since I’ve been unsuccessful with relationships, I’m going to tell everyone I don’t want to get married so they’ll think my perpetually single relationship status is intentional.”
Bobbie: Damon, my ex and I were together for 2 years and I’m 8 months pregnant with his first child. He has cheated and he left me for the woman he cheated with a month ago, he told me he didn’t want me and he wanted to be with her but recently he’s been riding by my house and blowing up my phone. I don’t answer his calls. Should I hear what he has to say or keep ignoring him. And when he left me he told me to take child support out on him. I don’t think we have anything else to talk about.
D.Y.: You two still do have things to discuss — child support, visitations, etc. But, that, and only that, is what you have to talk about now. The worst thing you could do is rekindle.
Brandy: Damon, I have been divorced for about four years now and haven’t really been seriously dating anyone. I went back to school and just took some time to get my mind right. I have only very recently felt that I was open to the option of being in a relationship again. Problem being, I just feel so far removed from the scene- I tend to run people away, yet I always hear from them later on and they say things like I scared them, they didn’t think I was real- and that’s with or without sex. I’m just me- I’m cool, no kids, play video games, watch cartoons, read a lot. Not trying to lock somebody down right off, just wanna hang out. How do I get my mojo back? How can I not be so “scary” What am I doing wrong? HELP!!!
D.Y.: Before I begin, lemme just say that getting back out there after ending a long relationship isn’t an easy thing to do for anyone, so don’t feel bad that you’re having some trouble right now. Right now, if I were you, I’d go to as many game nights and professional happy hours and events at your college as possible. Not necessarily to meet men, but to just get around people and get used to having fun again. I think that’ll help you relax some, and that new, relaxed mindset will likely carry over to your dating life. Plus, like I’ve said numerous times here, men are drawn to women who look like they’re having a good time. So, go have a good time!
Monica: Hi Damon here is my question: My HS sweetheart found me after 17 years apart on Facebook last September. It’s like time picked up from the first phone call. Currently after many conversations as well as fasting and praying, I’m relocating back to Chicago from Georgia first to find work(not many jobs). I lost my apt and he offered for me to come live with him. We both are divorced and he lost his son in a tragic accident last year as well as his mother and older brother in previous years. I do care for him and rite now during this time, before I move which is in 4 weeks, he had his ex wife break in his house. He went to court and now he’s having issues with his job. I’m trying to stay prayerful but it’s on my mind. He said to make me comfortable we can move but I’ve already lived out of bags and boxes one other time before when I left the Midwest to move south after my divorce. Please help. I’m tired.
D.Y.: I think you should still make the move, but get your OWN place and DATE him for a while. Like, go on actual dates and Shyte. No bf/gf yet, and definitely no cohabitation.
Chelsea: Hello…Why is it that guys loose interest in me so fast? From my experience guys approach me and the first thing they will say is I’m Hot, pretty whatever,(I don’t dress provocative in case you were wondering haha) and second they will ask me on a date, which I always decline because I’m not ready for that right now. I usually start talking to these guys on the phone, email, Facebook, and then I feel like they seem fine enough or I’m comfortable enough to go out with them, and I start being more open more of myself. The issue seems to be, after a while these guys start saying things like I’m weird, I’m strange for a Black girl. I might be goofy, shy but none of that. So why do they loose interest. (Sorry so long = )
D.Y.: Well, maybe you are weird and strange, lol.Thing is, “weird” and “strange” are relative terms, and perhaps you’re a bit quirkier than what those guys are used to. This isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s good that guys who probably won’t be long term matches for you are weeding themselves out. You just have to be patient and keep your eyes open for a compatible (and equally quirky) potential mate.
Gina: Hi Damon! Just wondering what your thoughts are about the application of the 5 Love Languages approach to marriage? How important do you believe it is to learn about a person in order to relate to them effectively? Thanks much, and have a good day!
D.Y.: I think it’s EXTREMELY important to know the love language of the person you’re dating/interested in/married to. Why? Well, for instance, some people are into physical affection — hugging, cuddling, holding hands, etc — and some people are not. Doesn’t mean that the person who isn’t into that stuff doesn’t love the person who is, but it can be interpreted that way if couples don’t communicate. I’d even go as far to suggest that people should try and get into relationships with people who speak the same love language they do.
Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com
Do you want to speak to Damon in real time? Join us on our Facebook page, next Wednesday from 1 p.m. to 2 p.m.
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