Timing Is Everything: Sometimes It’s Best Not To Get Involved

When they’re in a 12-step program

Twelve-step programs can be incredibly effective. Research has even found they help alcoholics achieve sobriety better than therapy does. So if you are in one, consider following the leader’s or your sponsor’s advice closely. And if you meet someone who is in one, encourage them to do the same. Here’s the thing though: most 12-step programs will strongly recommend that members do not engage in a romantic relationship until the program is completed, and sometimes even for up to a year after that. Doing a 12-step program is part of a major healing journey, meaning someone likely still has wounds they need patched up. And as the saying goes, “Hurt people hurt people,” so…dating someone in such a program might hurt. Their recovery needs to be their first, second, and third priority, which puts their romantic partners fourth. That’s one of the reasons 12-step sponsors strongly discourage romantic relationships while someone is in the program.