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Tahiry at 2017 Ludaday Weekend Celebrity Bowling Tournament, speaks on backlash received after revealing allegations of abuse against ex Joe Budden

Source: Prince Williams / Getty

In a recent discussion via Instagram Live, Tahiry Jose addressed the backlash she has experienced since revealing alleged abuse at the hands of ex-boyfriend Joe Budden, who in turn, alleged that she physically assaulted him during their relationship.

The Love and Hip Hop New York cast member shared why it was so hard for her to open up about the abuse, why she believes it’s never okay for anyone to lay a hand on their partner, and how victim-blaming and enduring abuse has impacted her life.

In the Live, Tahiry explained that as someone who usually likes to keep the details of her relationships private, being bashed and judged for coming forward with the abuse she’s endured in the past was difficult for her. However, she said she, and those who know her, know her truth.

“I tend to try to keep my sh-t personal,” she said to Alicia Lyons. “Again, those that know me, know me, and that’s all that matters. And you will be judged anyway. Even the situation that I just had when I stepped up and talked about being abused in a relationship…sometimes I look back and it’s just like this is why it took so long for me to speak up. Because all people wanna do is bash you and don’t have the slightest clue to what really happened. And it’s just a difficult space to be in so that’s why sometimes I just chill out and do my healing by myself.”

Later in the video, the two discussed how as a society, women not only endure abuse but also often are tasked with taking the responsibility for why the abuse happened through victim-blaming. According to Tahiry, people don’t know the real her, so it can be easy for them to accept the narrative portrayed through shows she’s participated in that give the impression that she’s more of a fighter than a lover. Regardless of how passionate or feisty she is, she maintains that she didn’t put her hands on Joe.

“I think that’s the biggest misconception that you know, at least for me, that I’m a fighter when I’m actually a lover,” she said. “And you know, have gotten bullied to the point where I just kind of looked the other way until I woke up and I was like, ‘I’ve had it. I’ve had the little jokes, I’ve had the little lies, I’ve had it.’ Like, stop. But, you know, the world believes whatever they want to believe. I’m fine. I know what happened. My God knows what happened. He knows what happened. So that’s why I don’t care.”

“So Tahiry’s aggressive. Yeah, I’m loud,” she continued. “I’m Dominican, I’m short, I’m rough, I’m aggressive, but I never put my hands on you. But people don’t know that. They see what they see and that’s okay, too, you know what I’m saying? I know I can sleep at night.”

“It’s like people to say that but that’s like saying I wore a short dress so I deserved to get raped,” she added.

Furthermore, Tahiry shared that she thinks the aggression she carries now is due to the abuse she’s survived. According to her, she didn’t grow up seeing domestic violence in her household as a child, even with her mother being “loud” like her. Because of that, she believes neither a man nor a woman should lay a hand on their partner.

“I believe my aggression and my spiciness comes from being abused, now. So, you know, I’ve had to check myself. I’ve had to go to therapy,” she said. “But no, I don’t think any woman deserves that. My father never put his hands on my mom. My father would walk away. He slammed the TV one time, I’ll tell you that much, and walked away. I didn’t grow up seeing somebody — and my mom was loud.  So no, I don’t believe that a man should ever put his hands on a woman. And vice versa, a woman should never put her hands on a man.”

If you recall, in the summer of 2020, Tahiry was publically dealing with a clip of her that went viral, including then-boyfriend, rapper Vado, attacking her on the show Marriage Boot Camp. Soon after that, in an interview with Hollywood Unlocked, Tahiry revealed the allegations that she was also abused both physically and verbally by Joe when they dated. Her claims against Joe, which included fractured ribs and a broken nose, moved her to also mention in the interview that she, to this day, fears for her safety.

“I became that person that you hear about. And women need to know that a man will break your spirit before he actually puts his hands on you,” she said. “It started with verbal abuse. Emotional abuse. And then eventually it turned to that. I still fear for my safety. He hurt me bad and I just stayed quiet.”

In early September, Joe denied Tahiry’s claims, calling her “a cancerous, toxic, clout and check chasing liar,” and saying he was actually the one that dealt with abuse in their relationship.

“I’m very comfortable saying, you were abusive! You used to beat my a–! You threw sh-t, you hit me, you kicked me, you did a whole bunch of sh-t,” he told listeners through his The Joe Budden Podcast.

Their complicated and contentious relationship became even more complicated in Season 10 of LHHNY, as viewers watched the confusing dynamic between them and Joe’s former fiancé, Cyn Santana. She hasn’t spoken further on anything but Cyn alleged that she suffered her own abuse by him in the past.

Despite attempts to put the blame for the abuse she faced on her, women like Tahiry sharing their stories gives hope to others who may have or may still be going through the same thing. Check out her interview with Lyons below.

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