Why Is Tahiry The Only One To Blame In The Cycle Of Violence In Her Relationships?

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e pSource: Johnny Nunez / GettyIn the past few weeks, Tahiry Jose has had to do a lot of healing and reckoning when it comes to the violent nature of her romantic relationships. We all watched horrified as her boyfriend Teeyon Winfree, better known by his stage name, Vado, attacked to Tahiry on national television, attempting to strangle her.

With that moment playing out on television, she revealed that this was not the first time a partner has been violent.

Her allegations against Joe Budden, including a fractured rib and a broken nose were met mostly with skepticism or people outright stating that she was a liar. Folks pointed to Tahiry still associating with Joe after they broke up. And after, they brought up the notion that she may have been the one to be violent against Joe. They referenced the fact that she had been throwing apples at Vado before he attempted to strangle her in front of all of her castmates.

Even when a video of Budden admitting to restructuring her face resurfaced, folks clung to the fact that she admitted to defending herself and therefore was the primary aggressor.

I think all of this speaks to the fact that people don’t truly understand the psychology of women involved in violent relationships. And the way misogyny is set up, people will defend even the men with a sordid history of violence against their romantic partners.

The topic was so top of mind that people have been asking psychologist Dr. Ish Major to address Tahiry’s apple-throwing more than Vado trying to choke her.

Dr. Ish spoke to The Jasmine Brand about the cycle of violence. See what he had to say.

Dr. Ish did say he addressed her about throwing objects at Vado on the show.

He said, “Medicine is about timing and dosage, right? It’s not just about the dose of the medication but it’s about when you give it. In a domestic violence incident, I don’t need to  give you my background. College, obviously. Four years of med school. Three years of psych residency after that. Another two of child and adolescent fellowship after that to learn how to handle these situations.

So, the first rule in a domestic violence situation is you secure the premises. You make it a safe space. That means whoever was the aggressor in that moment has to be removed. Non negotiable. That’s the medical rule, that’s the legal rule so that’s what we do there. Now, after that happens—staying in the house, when’s the right time to address their part in it.

Was Tahiry wrong for yelling and screaming in his face? Absolutely. Was Tahiry wrong for pushing that chair on him? Absolutely. Was she wrong for throwing those apples on him like was a pitcher for the Yankees? Absolutely.

But when is the right time to talk to her about it? If a woman is in the midst of getting her face punched in, is that the time to go up and say, ‘You know what darling, the reason why he’s hitting you is because you said that thing about his momma and you shouldn’t have said that. So you just got to let it play out.’ No, obviously that’s not the right time. Is the right time to address her part in it, when she’s locked in the closet and she can’t come out until he comes home? Because that part happens. Do you speak to her through the closet door and say, ‘You know what the reason why he’s got you locked up in that closet is because you were just not very helpful and you were a little mean spirited to him before.’

No.

In the aftermath of it, you address it. Quick enough so that she can make the connection ‘That I was wrong and this is the part I played in the cycle of violence.’  Because make no mistake, it’s a full-on codependent relationship. There’s the inflammation part that both are playing a part of. Then there’s a big explosion, which we saw, and then there’s usually a honeymoon after that.

So yeah, we addressed it. She obviously got it. This is not the first time she’s been in that cycle. And she understood in that moment, I’m probably not the best person to be in a relationship with anybody right now. Just because I’ve got some unhealed stuff.”

I hope y’all take heed to these words.

You can listen to Dr. Ish’s analysis of Tahiry’s situation in the video below.

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