The Deal With “Self-Partnering”

So self-partnering can also be a wall

Dr. Louis says that some individuals may choose self-partnering out of fear of disappointment should they look for another partner. This individual might “Put up a wall that doesn’t even allow them to be open to the possibility that it [a relationship] can happen,” she says. “They can have a limiting thinking pattern, like ‘I don’t deserve it’ or ‘There is a limited supply of partners.”

In some cases, Dr. Louis says, when someone chooses self-partnering as a lifeboat when hopes for a relationship aren’t working out, “People self-sabotage. They’re in spaces where they could meet someone but they’re on their phone, not making eye contact, not putting out friendly body language. They put up an invisible wall. A person can be self-sabotaging and not even know it. They cannot be aware that they have these blocks, these walls up.”