Sometimes we women make things much harder on ourselves. Why can’t we just take the basic lessons of relationships and life and accept them for what they are? Even though it’s clear someone is not interested in us, why do we continue to make excuses for that person? It’s a wonder, really. Maybe if we just accepted things that men and therapists have told us, we’d have no drama. And with no drama, what would we commiserate with our girlfriends about? Ahhh…I’m onto something here. But before we go into some deep sociological interpretations, let’s review just some of the truths about dating that many women still refuse to accept.
He’s just not that into you
Doesn’t it seem like all your friends just missed the whole “He Just Not That Into You” craze that sprung out from Sex and The City and went on to mark a heightened time of awareness about dating patterns? Why are women still wandering if a guy has some interest in ’em when he hasn’t called in a week? Ladies, if he hasn’t asked you out, taken you out on a date, or asked you to be his girlfriend after months of dating, HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
Men need to make the first move
Let me explain one thing. When being interviewed by Cosmo, Glamour or Essence magazine, men generally lie. They get into the “what would sound good coming out of my mouth,” when a female editor hovers near. At least, that is my strongest theory considering that these women mags always repeat untruths spoken by the part-time model/actor they catch in the streets of Manhattan.
Here’s the truth: men like to hunt. I can see so many of you rolling your eyes, ready to throw back examples of how being pro-active worked for you but let me ask you something: do you still have that guy? When it comes to non-White men (Caucasians are more liberal), their commitment is also influenced by how hard they had to work for you. If you gave in too easily or if you approached him first, chances are that he subconciously won’t feel like the victor, making it easier for him to let go in the end. What can we say, men are animals and they need to feel like they earned a prize.
Being “Out There” Speeds Up The Process
Having a very active social life and/or hitting da club/bar scene on the regular will definitely increase your chances of landing a date but you should know that your friend up in medical school probably has similar chances of finding the one as you do. Why? Because it’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. Hey, if you really love being at da club and that’s your passion, that’s one thing, but if you’re just trying to be out there for the sake of meeting someone, you may need to refocus your attention.
Finding “the one” is very much about finding someone who is aligned with your values and personality, which is why it’s important to invest in your hobbies and interests. Taking that route will certainly bring you closer to a complementary partner.
Sleeping With Someone Too Fast Is A No-No IF…
you’re trying to marry the guy. If you’re not, go ahead and skip over this point. For those dating with an end in sight, it’s important to know that the longer you hold out, the more virtuous you’ll seem to him. Who wants to wife the girl who he thinks will put out for anyone? He’s looking for loyalty, not just someone who ranks high on all other levels. Men are hunters and they want to be able to stand by your side through thick and thin and know that not just any man can penetrate his fortress. As for wait time, we think 3 months of dating is a good rule of thumb. Hey, if he really likes you, he’ll wait. If he doesn’t, he wasn’t that into you anyways.
Your Number Does Say Something About You
Extending off the previous point, men and women aren’t equal. Just because a man gets to sleep with numerous woman and gets to sing about it, women do need to be careful about sharing their number with a dating partner. But again, if you’re not looking for marriage then who cares? But if you are, then your honesty will be determined by how high your number is. If you’re on the low-to be expected side, then no worries. But if you would even consider your own number high, then maybe you’d want to avoid the topic altogether until some quality time has passed.
If He’s Bringing Up Marriage Too Soon, Then BEWARE
We may really dig the idea of a guy bringing up marriage after the first month of dating, but ladies beware – a man in a rush to woo you with promises of a wedding and happily ever after are usually running game OR are just plain unstable.
He Won’t Change
The man you go out with on that first date is the man you’ll end up dating. Don’t try to change him over a matter months, years or decades. It won’t work. It’s a freeing thought actually. Instead of wrestling with yourself over forcing someone to change, why not just be on the lookout for someone who meets your basic needs.
Your Self-Confidence Is Much More Important That How You Look
In your mind, you may have attributed your singlehood to what you look like. If only you lost 10 pounds, if only you had a sexier wardrobe, if only your weave was on point, yada yada yada. The truth of the matter is that looks only gets you so far. Confidence and self-esteem are everything in dating. Sure, you may see your runway model friend getting a date every week but would you really want to go out with those guys? Probably not. There again lies the conundrum of quantity vs. quality. You can always draw attention to yourself via external factors but in terms of attracting a worthwhile relationship, that’s all about you as a whole. Be You, but in the words of Oprah, be the best you that you can be!
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