With the growth of relationship experts and advice, it’s quite rare that you will find that the tips doled out are catering to the do’s-and-don’ts of men. Women are told what to expect, how to behave, what to say and when to say it in order to keep a man, but men are told very little if anything at all. And ladies, we know, relationships are work and call for the full participation of both parties. It is not only up to women to be the keepers of knowledge of what makes love and relationships work, while the men get to run around doing what ever tickles their fancy.
So, to help balance all of this information, I present to you seven things men should refrain from doing to keep the attention of the women they want in the “courting” phase. These are matters that women tend to discuss amongst themselves, but I think it best that we allow the men a chance to learn of these nasty habits in order to prevent any possible love mishaps.
Asking Too Many Damn Questions
“What do you like to do?”
“Why do you wear glasses?”
“How do you get your hair like that?”
Who. What. When. Where. Why. How. Fellas, yes women love attention. There is nothing more exciting than getting attention from someone you’re feeling. But — there is such a thing as overkill. We want to reveal ourselves to you; to talk about the things that matter to us allowing you to learn our ins and outs. But, forcing such an interaction can come off highly annoying and inorganic.
I once was getting to know a man who felt it necessary to treat me like a person on a witness stand in a court room. He fired off so many questions during all of our conversations, barely allowing me the chance to enjoy his company and get the opportunity to get to know him. It felt as if he were judging how much of a fit I would be as a future possible wife and mother to his kids from answers about my near-sighted eyes and choice to work in my community. Needless to say, we never got to take things to the next level.
Talking Too Much About Your Ex—And Very Negatively
One of the main pieces of dating advice I have heard time and time again is to not bring up your ex and previous relationships. This is passed on to women because it is assumed that we are the ones who tend to have issues regarding this matter. Truth is, men have just as much of a hard time not mentioning their previous loves to potential new significant others.
I, as countless of my girlfriends, have been genuinely interested in a man until he brings up his ex-girlfriend. What men fail to understand is that a woman can tell a lot about how you behave as a partner by the way you speak of your former flame. Calling your former girlfriend a “b***h” and referring to what you considered her faults and short-comings negatively can act as a red flag for the prospective new woman in your life, illuminating for her the nearest exit sign.
Taking Your Friend’s Opinions Into Account A Bit Too Much
One lazy Sunday morning, I laid in bed watching a matchmaker show to witness one of the most despicable things ever. A man who was on a date with a woman, brought his friends along for a portion of the night so they could judge the woman and let him know that they think. Months later, sadly, I have come to learn that this is nothing new on the dating scene.
Many men may not want to admit it, but they are worried about what their boys think about the women they keep company with. News flash: It really is none of your friends’ business what goes on in your relationship. Why on Earth would you allow your friends to have such a stake in your personal happiness? If a woman makes you happy beyond words, it is simply idiotic to let her go because your friends don’t think she’s “hot enough.” Doing so will certainly make you lose out on the best thing you may ever have.
Being Arrogant And Thinking You’re God’s Gift To Women
A confident man is nice. An arrogant man is a pain. And a man who thinks he is God’s gift to women needs to just disappear. The dating scene at times resembles an island market place. Everyone is a merchant aiming to get the best they can for what they have. They shine what they have to offer as best as they can, trying to hide the flaws while illuminating their best assets. Some go the extra mile than the rest of us.
There are men who prance about as if they are unicorns — an irresistible catch that no woman should dare turn down. And yet, it is their behavior that leaves them more single than Kraft’s cheese. If you are a good man, your actions will prove it. There will be no need for arrogant rhetoric, and PowerPoint presentations displaying all that you have to offer. Trust me, many women can sense a vapid man a mile and a half away.
And since we are on the topic of actions, gentlemen please know that actions are everything. Words are only as good as the actions that accompany them. Telling a woman you missed her, while she hasn’t heard from you in three weeks is inconsistent. You missed her so much that you let damn near a month pass by with no word? Dude, no. Just no.
If you want a woman to know that you care and that you want her in your life, you better be ready to showcase that to her. I am not saying that you need to go above and beyond your means, but simple gestures can definitely put you in the fast track lane to her heart. A call in the middle of the day saying you just wanted to hear her voice, or sending her an edible arrangement of her favorite fruit can melt her heart and endear you to her. It’s the little things, fellas.
I think it is common knowledge that women are sensitive about their physical flaws. Even the most gorgeous woman can find something that she is particularly thrilled with on her body. Brothers, she does not need you to point them out to here whether you are trying to make it a compliment or not.
For example, I have a friend who has several large freckles on her face. Anyone who knows her, knows that they are not her favorite physical assets. A man she once was dating told her she was “stupid” for being annoyed with them as it looked like the “sun *released* itself on her face.” I’ll give you the chance to pick up your jaw off the floor…And no, a voluptuous woman doesn’t need you to remind her that she has a “big ‘ol juicy booty.” What fool did that work on to make a man think it was okay to continue saying?
Obscene language coupled with physical nitpicking is a wack move. A woman wants a man to find her beautiful as a complete package. She doesn’t need you to make blanketed negative statements about her, or make her feel like a piece of meat. Trust me, society does that enough for us.
Last but not least, the worst thing a man can do in a burgeoning relationship is send an unsolicited penis picture. No, no, no, no. I cannot express enough how disgusting this is. If you want to lose a woman, this is a surefire way to do so in the early stages.
There is nothing cute or romantic about exposing your private self to a person who barely knows you. Indecent exposure is nothing less than sexual harassment. Women know how important sex is in a relationship, and equal choice in partnerships calls for both parties to be ready and willing to enter a sexual realm together. Sending such a personal picture can make a woman feel as if you are forcing her down a path she is not ready or unwilling to go down with you. In other words men, keep your damn peen pics to yourself unless asked.
More on Madame Noire!
- Is Ryan Gosling Singing Jodeci!? 9 White Celebrities And Their “Blackest” Moments
- Handle That For Me! Why I Want Him To Plan The Dates
- You Already Know Black Don’t Crack:15 Female Celebs Who Are Over 40 But Don’t Look It
- Where Are They Now? The Women of “Real Chance of Love”
- Are You A Rebound Queen? How To Tell If You’re Moving Too Fast…
- An Open Letter to My Single Sistas: Stop Searching For Him
- Ways to Wear Wine: Fall’s Hue Du Jour