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The [black] internets were quietly murmuring at the recent revelation that Jay-Z allegedly orders for women at restaurants. The discussion came about after he and author Zadie Smith met for lunch. Last week, she published her piece on the rapper/mogul in The New York Times. Folks were questioning whether or not the move was sexist or sexay. After reading the article, it didn’t seem like he ordered for her; but rather suggested what he thought she might like and she obliged. Either way the incident got us ladies in the office talking about whether a man ordering for us constitutes a red flag. Most of us were in agreement that this is a warning sign that this controlling behavior would likely show up in other facets of the relationship. Probably not a good look.

But then I started thinking about the instances in which I would want a man to take control. Admittedly, my dating experiences have been limited to say the least; but I’ve dealt with enough men to realize that when it comes to the planning and execution of dates, I’d like for a man to take care of that. Now, I don’t mean that he never consults me, or that I never come up with my own suggestions for our outings; but for the most part I want to know that a man I’m seeing is putting thought into the time we spend together. It doesn’t mean that the plans have to be extravagant or involve a whole lot of money. But in general, I’d like to avoid a conversation that goes something like this:

Him: You trying to hang out this weekend?

Me: Yeah, that would be good. I’m free. What do you want to do?

Him: I don’t know. It’s whatever you want to do.

*Sigh* No boo. While I appreciate, the initiative you took in making sure we spend time together, the follow through with some type of plan is not only appreciated, it’s a turn on. A man with a plan, even if it’s something as simple as a date, is appealing. I’m something like a feminist; but this is something that I want you to take care of. And perhaps, the fact that I am a feminist/womanist with a hectic schedule and several commitments is the reason why, when it comes to the romantic recreational, I want to sit back, relax and let you take the reins.

This is just my opinion. But as always, this is a place for discussion. When you’re dating someone, would you rather plan the dates or do you want him to handle that? How do things work out in your own relationships, who plans?


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