Porsha Williams Opens Up About Depression And Suicidal Thoughts: ‘I Had To Survive That In Order To Be A Good Mom’

As she gears up for the release of her memoir The Pursuit of Porsha later this month, reality TV star Porsha Williams opened up about her past experiences with depression and contemplating suicide in her latest interview.

“[After] I was pregnant — I didn’t talk about this in the book — I went through postpartum depression,” Porsha, 40, said in a recent sit-down interview with PEOPLE. Speaking on her now two-year-old, Pilar Jhena, Porsha explained, “I had to survive that in order to be a good mom for her.”

“So when I was able to come out of postpartum depression, that was just another thing that let me know this is my little lifesaver,” the star expressed lovingly of Pilar. “I never have to get to a place where I don’t want to live anymore because I’m living for my daughter. And I always want to be a full, whole, complete, happy, joyful Porsha for her. Becuase I know my energy rubs off on her.” 

Porsha’s been open in the past about her experiences as a victim of bullying in her childhood. “I was too young to even understand what I was dealing with,” she told PEOPLE of her feelings all those years ago. “It wasn’t until I was about 29 that I really identified with the word ‘depression.'”

According to the former The Real Housewives of Atlanta star, therapy really helped her develop “different skills to survive,” such as speaking kindly to herself and “not focusing in on all of the negative.” And while she paused on going to her therapy sessions during the writing of her book, Porsha said she plans to start going again regularly at some point.

“It was very therapeutic and hard as hell,” the star said on writing her book. “I would literally write stuff for our editor and I would just sit there and cry. But I just knew that the whole story needed to be told in order for people to relate to the true Porsha and not just the Porsha they saw on TV. And I wanted to make sure the book represented that so young girls and people out there who are trying to make it in life will understand what I mean when I say I’m my truest self, I’m Porsha 2.0.” 

“I’m very transparent and I knew that if I was going to write a book that I wanted to be completely open about my life,” Porsha said in a video recorded portion of her exclusive. “I also knew that the only way my book would be effective is to tell the whole truth and talk about some of those vulnerable moments and some of those moments of despair. And then also talk about how I came out of them and what it took to get to that [better] place as well. But I had to be open.”

The reality TV star — whose new Bravo show will premiere later this month — shared that she can’t wait to go on a book tour, have more kids, and plan her wedding to fiancé Simon Guobadia.

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“I’m definitely most excited to have more kids,” the former Housewives star said. “I really am, I really, really am. My daughter she’s — like I said — she’s getting big, she’s the queen of the house. We have other kids that are older than her but its time for some younger siblings you know? She doesn’t need to be the youngest anymore — one or two more [kids].”

“I’m definitely super excited for my wedding, all of that — I need to start planning,” Porsha added. As MADAMENOIRE reported earlier this year, the reality TV star specified that she and Simon plan to have three weddings in total to celebrate their union.

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“I was just saying to my mom, ‘Look where my life is today,'” Porsha told PEOPLE. “I feel absolutely blessed. No matter what has happened, I still thank God for all of it.”

If you’re interested, The Pursuit of Porsha: How I Grew Into My Power and Purpose will be available online and in bookstores near you on Nov. 30.

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