Everyone wants to smooth things over after a fight between romantic partners as quickly as possible. While time does heal all, time also takes too damn long. So, occasionally, a couple will try to get back in that lovey-dovey zone with some quick fixes, like showering each other with gifts or planning a weekend getaway, hoping their troubles don’t follow them to Palm Springs or Martha’s Vineyard. Nobody fights on Martha’s Vineyard, right? In a way, this type of move makes sense. Things swing drastically to the negative side after a fight, so you want to do something drastic to push them back to the positive. You just want to feel good and in love again, and if that feeling can’t come naturally when you’re just sitting around watching TV post-fight, maybe something out of the ordinary, like a nice trip or some flowers, will bring it back.
There are a couple of problems, however, with using gifts, trips, and other grand gestures to try to fix relationship problems. For one, it’s expensive, and consumer debt can cause even more fights in a relationship. Secondly, it doesn’t get to the root of the issue. If you just throw a romantic getaway or private chef’s dinner for two at every argument, it’s easy to start to think, “Well, we don’t need to actually fix our problems!” So the root issues get buried deeper and deeper, and probably come back stronger and stronger. Do you use grand gestures to cover up a toxic relationship? Or perhaps have a partner trying to distract you from his toxic ways with presents and trips? Here are some signs.
You get along better when you’re away
You struggle to get along in everyday life. The daily stresses of work, other social obligations, potential jealousy related to friends of the opposite sex, responsibilities to your family, and time limitations challenge your relationship. But the second you two get to a suite at a resort, a remote Glamping site or charming cceanside Airbnb, it’s smooth sailing. You get along great so long as there aren’t things around like, other people. Or dishes to do. Or calendars to coordinate. With a margarita in your hand and a masseuse working on your back, you two are two peas in a pod.