Summer Walker took to Instagram once again to share a message about the shortcomings of men who bring about toxic relationships. The singer has been known to publically call out her on-again-off-again boyfriend and father to her unborn child, hip-hop producer London on da Track, but at what point do women hold some responsibility for walking knowingly and willingly into relationships with troubled men?
In a post made on her Instagram this week, Summer shared a message about how many men don’t really need the relationships they’re hopping into, but instead need various forms of counseling, “father figures,” and resources to help them fight their demons. According to her, if she understood that earlier in her own life, maybe she “would’ve stayed a virgin.”
“These broken men don’t need a gf or a wife to hold them down. They need father figures, rehab, AA, & a therapist 🤦🏾♀️,” she posted. The caption read, “wish I understood this in high school & college I prolly would’ve stayed a virgin all the way till I was in my 20’s.”
Being in a toxic relationship (or two… or 10) in your early teens and 20s is something many people go through. Ever heard the song “The First Cut Is the Deepest?” Young adults who are beginning to date usually don’t know what they should be looking for in a good partner because they’ve yet to experience one. This makes it easy to end up in a less than healthy or lopsided relationship that they don’t realize is bad for the both of them. It’s especially confusing and difficult when the relationships end.
Even though it’s a fairly common experience, what is a newbie mistake for some, ends up being a harmful and reoccurring flaw in others. Summer seems to be in that trap. Back in September 2020, she herself said, “I have the worst taste in men, I like literally find my childhood trauma and then date it.”
An affinity for toxic relationships is often caused by a combination of the same several components, including childhood trauma, as she just mentioned, a need for control (often led by anxiety or insecurity), and a discarding phase.
In early November, the “Girls Need Love” singer’s pregnancy was outed by one of London’s co-parents before she even got the chance to hint at the news first. By the 28th, Summer took to social media to air out her and London’s dirty laundry. In a post, she made it clear that for her, he wasn’t stepping up to the plate. She called the producer “lame,” and suggests that he, and other Black men like him, might suffer from a type of generational trauma and mental slavery that hinders them “when it comes to being a father.”
“Black men gotta start doing better when it comes to being a father,” she wrote. “my grandfather lame, my father lame, & dis ni–a lame, lol and I guess the cycle will just continue. I guess ni–as still dealing with the shackles of mental slavery or some sh-t, back when white men ripped you from your families and beat you to death if you tried to protect them. It goes deep. Sh-ts really sad.”
She later continued, saying “Everyone ghetto. It was all so ghetto. I tried to get him to spend time with his other kids as much as I could. He ain’t want to cause he selfish. I tried to get his baby mamas to let him see the kids, they didn’t want to cause they was bitter & hated me for no reason.”
“I tried to get, everybody to just get the f–k along like one big happy family and instead everyone just sh-t on me,” she added. “& now I just have the sh-t end of the stick cause all these mf’s is G H E T T 0.”
To me, it’s clear that even though Summer knew London had a history of having contentious relationships with the mothers of his kids, who accused him of being an absent father, she thought that she could change him, fix him, or that he would be different with her. It’s sad that many women let themselves believe such things, but I think that’s where the controlling element stems from on her part. Even though attempting to get London to get along with the mothers of his kids and be “one big happy family” wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, London is a grown man and he should have been doing that work himself and done it before she was in his life. While only she knows what her intentions were when she reached out to the mothers of his children, doesn’t it make sense that she might reach out to them because consciously or subconsciously she was feeling anxious about how London would treat her during her own pregnancy? Wouldn’t it make sense that if his children’s mothers clearly and publicly were not feeling content with his contributions, it might make her feel less assured in what could occur in her own relationship with him?
I think Summer feels discarded by London amidst her pregnancy and stuck in the on-again, off-again, get along, can’t stand each other cycle she has with him. Even though the couple is off right now, it must be hard for her to know that in some way, she’s tied to this cycle with him for years to come now that they’re sharing a child together. Realistically, that would be an emotion anyone in her shoes might have.
Taking to social media to express her hurt from the loop with London definitely isn’t the best way to handle her situation, though. People don’t make the best decisions when they’re hurting. While many of her fans are waiting to see how all of her feelings will be expressed in her next album, perhaps talking to a therapist might give the singer more clarity and freedom from this cycle so that she can refrain from finding herself in something like it again.