MadameNoire Featured Video

a person who you can trust

Source: Luis Alvarez / Getty

It can be valuable to get outside perspective when you need to make a big decision in life. While you should ultimately have fine-tuned intuition to rely on, gathering the input of those who don’t have the same biases as you do – those who aren’t as close to the situation as you are – can be very useful. When it comes time to decide whether or not to take a job…or leave a job…or move in with a partner…or leave a partner…there can be a lot of thoughts rushing through your mind. Sometimes, a good confidante helps you organize those thoughts. They don’t even necessarily push their opinions onto you, but rather help you understand your own feelings better. That’s a wonderful asset.

Deciding who to confide in isn’t something that should be taken lightly. We all know those individuals who seem to ask any and everybody they come across for their opinion on their lives. It’s worrisome – they have no idea what the motives, backgrounds, or beliefs are of some of the people they let give their two cents on their future. When you ask for someone’s input, you give them a lot of power whether you mean to or not. And though you always have the option to take or leave someone’s input, it can have a way of sticking with you. We spoke with Devyn Walker about how to decide who you confide in. Walker is a racial trauma therapist who recently opened a private practice, Transcend Wellness Boutique (@transcendwellnessbo).

Devyn Walker

Source: NA / na

Do you have the same belief system?

Not all trusted friends and family members are the appropriate people to talk to about all issues. “It’s important to be conscious of whom you ask for help or opinions from because every persons has a different set of beliefs and life experiences,” says Walker. “So naturally we operate & make decisions from that.”

For example, you might not want to ask a religious friend who doesn’t believe in cohabitation before marriage whether or not you should move in with your boyfriend when you’re just considering compatibility, and she’s considering…sin.

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN