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Hopefully, by the time you marry someone, you’ve been together so long, that not much changes at all once you get married. I was with my husband for seven years before we got married, and every time someone asks me, “So, how’s married life?” I say, “Basically the same. I just wear a ring now.” I mean, listen, I felt ready to marry my guy three years ago. And I think that’s how it should go. You should already basically feel like you’re married by the time you get married. Maybe, if it’s acceptable to you, you should live together for years before, too. Either way, you should have already wrapped your head around spending forever together, long before making it official. So, on that note, sex shouldn’t still be a huge deal by the time you get married. To be clear: sex is important and you should still be having it and enjoying it! But you should be way past the point of needing to do it like rabbits, and feeling like the relationship is all about sex. A lot of the changes to your sex life, from that first drought to the natural slow down, should have happened long before you get married. But even then, there will still be a few things you notice that are different after you tie the knot.
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There’s a newlywed uptick
I didn’t expect our sex life to see any sort of surge after we got married, just because we’d been together so long. But there is kind of an excitement in the air after you make things official. It strengthens the flame for a minute – you’re feeling very lovey because you made this big commitment to each other, and you may have more sex for a bit.
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Seeing that ring on the wall
I don’t know what positions you and your partner are into but there may be funny times when you suddenly put your hand on a wall or on the bed during sex and catch a glimpse of your hand, with the ring on it, and think, “Ah! Whose hand is that?!” It suddenly all feels so…marital. Seeing your hands with your wedding rings flying around and touching, uh, things.
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It feels so…sanctioned
I won’t speak for all, but a lot of couples have sex before marriage these days. Very few are waiting to make things official to do the dirty. But you do have this odd moment of realization when you have sex after marriage where it’s like, “Ooh. Now we’re having, like ‘good’ sex – like government and god-sanctioned sex.”
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The “Mrs.” Thing is hot
It’s kind of hot when your partner calls you “Mrs. Insert his last name here” those first few times in bed. It’s like he’s claiming you in this sexy way. But, eventually, it gets old, because nobody really refers to their partner as “Mr.” or “Mrs.” Anything.
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A green light to get kinkier
It almost feels like you have a green light to try new things in bed. Ideally, you already felt comfortable asking for the things you wanted in bed with this partner, before getting married. But something about knowing it’s locked down and he won’t be off somewhere in the future talking about you as the ex who he did that weird stuff in bed with just makes you feel all the safer.
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But it won’t get that kinky
It’s not going to get like off the charts kinky where you move into a whole new arena you never tried before. It’s not like you’re suddenly going to start having orgies or build a sex dungeon out of nowhere. You may just finally ask, like, hey, would you wear this costume for me or can we watch porn together?
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You realize this is the last person
You really understand that this is (hopefully) the last person you’ll ever have sex with. Unless you guys are open to swinging and things like that. But, yeah, this is basically it. It’s not like a panic moment. You knew that going into this marriage. But it’s just interesting. Sex is something you could do with so many people and this will be your partner in that for life.
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You like that it’s your last person
You like that this will be your last person. You think of all the randos and losers you banged over the years. All of the ones who broke your heart. All the ones who were selfish in bed. The bad experiences. You love that you’re going to share this very intimate thing just with this person who is so good to you now.
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You feel extra calm after
Some women can feel a sense of dread or depression after sex. It’s a biological thing. It’s the comedown from the orgasm. It’s literally anti-climactic. You’re just sitting there then after. He’s in the bathroom. It’s a hormonal thing. You’re up, then you’re down. But you may find that sad moment goes away once you’re married because you know you’ll never be alone again.
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You’re precious about the marital bed
It’s sort of funny, but you’re suddenly like, hey, this is our marital bed. We are adults. We are married. We need to take care of this thing. So please don’t squirt lube all over these nice sheets. And don’t squirt anything, um, else on them. And easy on this headboard: it cost a lot. We need our marital bed to look nice, ya know?
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He may get too comfortable
My husband got way too excited about just letting it all hang loose. Look, before we got married he was using the toilet with the door open. I’ll admit. And we were scheduling sex. But after we got married, he used the toilet with the door open right before scheduled sex and said, “What? We’re married!” No, no, no. We still need to make some attempt to create a sexy environment.
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There is that “We have a lifetime” sensibility
After the initial newlywed kick that may have you doing it more, things may slow down a bit. There is this feeling like, “Well, we have our whole lives to have sex.” And when you think about it that way, it’s very easy to keep putting it off because you feel like eating pizza or watching Netflix instead.
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You get very efficient
You just know what works. You know exactly what position and move and dirty talk works for everybody. It’s not business-like or robotic. You still feel close when you have sex. It’s more about the fact that you have a lot of other things you’d like to do together, because you’re also best friends, so you kind of want to get it on and get on with it.
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He’s involved in birth control
You’ll send him to pick up your birth control. Or ask him to remind you to take your pill. Or pass him the phone when you’re on hold with the pharmacy and say, “I gotta do a thing. Let me know when they pick up.” You can just feel like, well, I’m your wife, this birth control affects us both so…you should participate!
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There’s that baby question
There is that looming question in the air now, like, are we having sex for fun or…to make a baby. If you know you don’t want kids, then it isn’t there. But if you’ve been on the fence or know you want them someday, then for some reason, even if you aren’t traditionalists, tying the knot brings the question more to the forefront every time you get it on.
