I’m almost always down to give some relationship advice. But, there is one exception: the moment someone says they’re in an “on again/off again” thing with somebody, I just want to escape the conversation. The very fact that someone is engaging in an on again/off again thing tells me they aren’t working with a clear mind. They have a lot of personal work that they need to do, and it’s a therapist they need—not just a friend. Being in an on again/off again thing is a form of abusing oneself. That can be difficult to hear, but it is true. When one learns to truly love herself and only chase things that make her feel elevated and happy, she doesn’t return to something that made her feel, well, none of those things. Even if there were glimpses of good things in the relationship, if, in the end, it didn’t work, someone who is emotionally stable doesn’t think, “Hmm. But maybe I’ll just touch the hot stove again. Maybe it will feel good this time!” Here are truths you need to hear if you’re in an on again/off again thing.
Everyone but you two knows it won’t work
Seriously though, every single person in your life—from your close friends to those coworkers who are only roughly familiar with the situation—knows that this will never work out. Maybe you get one chance to get back with someone. In fact, many people break up once with the person they wind up spending their lives with. But that’s it. Once it goes on again/off again more than once, nobody takes the relationship seriously.