Can I just say that men who do not prioritize their partner’s orgasms just don’t deserve to have sex. They can buy a toy, use their hand, or pay for sex so at least the woman is getting something out of it. But they do not deserve to have intercourse with women who care about them and even love them. I just think it’s so repulsive when men don’t even pay attention to whether or not their partners come close to finishing—and I’ve known a lot of men like this. There were men I dated for years with whom I almost never orgasmed and…they never said a word about it. They never asked about it. They just happily jumped up from bed when they were done, and didn’t acknowledge the fact that I definitely didn’t have the time of my life. Men are spoiled—they don’t struggle to finish. Good men have empathy for women in this department, and make it their job to help their partners finish, rather than be selfish. Here are things a man who cares about your orgasm will do.
Ask if you orgasm
For goodness sake he will ask if you orgasm. After sex, if it’s unclear whether or not you finished, he will ask you. He wants to know. He needs to know. It’s an important part of the post-sex chitchat.
Ask what he can do differently
If you didn’t orgasm, he’ll ask what he can do differently next time. He’ll ask if he did something that got in the way of your orgasm. Did he change positions at just the wrong time, not touch you enough, go too fast? He wants to gather all the information he can to do better next time.
Speaking of gathering information, he’ll do some studying on his own. He may ask female friends for advice, do a little erotic reading, ask his friends what works for their partners. You’ll notice he comes to bed next time with some moves that you didn’t teach him, but that you’re glad he learned.
Talk to you/connect with you first
If you say you’re just not ready yet, he’ll just keep kicking it with you on the couch. A mental connection is important for most women to become turned on, and if you say you aren’t ready, he’ll make sure you keep talking, laughing, and connecting until you’re in the mood. He won’t rush you, just because he’s rearing to go. He knows if he does that, it won’t be good for you.
Set the mood
He won’t just initiate it on a messy couch surrounded by dirty dishes. He won’t say, “Let’s squeeze in a quicky after we order the pizza and before it arrives.” He’ll make the place more sex-friendly. He’ll make you feel special. This could involve putting on music, picking up your favorite treat from the store, or lighting candles. But he works to turn your room or apartment from a utilitarian space to a romantic one.
Plenty of foreplay
He will be generous with foreplay—very generous. He’ll go down on your or use his hands as long as you need and won’t move onto intercourse until it’s clear that you’re already almost there. He does this since he knows he’s going to finish pretty quickly once sex starts.
Plenty of kissing
Again, that mental/emotional connection is important. So he’ll put in time with the kissing and the nuzzling before turning things sexual. He won’t just strip himself naked, ask you to do the same, and meet you in bed for immediate foreplay. There will be some nice making out before.
Do your favorite positions first
If there is a position that really works for you, he goes to that first—even if it isn’t his favorite. He knows that it’s much harder for women to orgasm, so he wants to do everything he can to ensure you do before he does, and that means your favorite position comes first.
And refrain from his until last
Meanwhile, he has his position that he knows works for him like that. He waits until you’ve finished to go to that. Selfish men will go to that position first.
Give you one, even after he finishes
If he finishes during intercourse and you don’t, he’ll make sure you still finish after. Maybe that’s through oral or with the use of a vibrator, but he doesn’t think sex is just over because he did what he needed to do.
Give you one with enthusiasm
He will also work to give you an orgasm, post-intercourse, with enthusiasm. He’ll have some finesse about it. He won’t just do it robotically, asking every few seconds if you’re close. He wants you to feel like he enjoys pleasuring you, and not like he’s watching the clock.
Repeat the things that work
If he finds something that clearly works for you, he makes a mental note of it, and he returns to it. You sense him in bed moving both of your bodies into that position that worked for you last time.
He won’t jackrabbit. There is a special place in hell for men who do that. That’s something a man who doesn’t care about your orgasm at all does. If a guy cares about your pleasure he’ll move slowly, and he’ll even stop if he feels too close and you’re clearly not close.
Ask if you’re close
He will ask you during sex if you’re close, how things feel, and if you’ll be able to orgasm doing what you’re currently doing. He’ll touch base, so he doesn’t accidentally finish long before you do.
If you aren’t, he’ll adjust
If you say you can’t finish doing what you two are currently doing, he’ll stop, and ask what would feel good for you. And, in general, if you aren’t having orgasms in your relationship, he won’t stop learning/working at it until you’re literally satisfied. He doesn’t just see it as your problem—it’s his problem.