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Do you know the guy who has “made it” and has expressed concerns about women only wanting him for his money? And have you witnessed that very same guy with those significant concerns roll up to the front of the club in his Bentley or make a scene about getting into VIP and ordering bottle service or wearing flashy Rolex watch and other ostentatious jewelry? Indeed, it’s a paradox that never ceases to amaze me.

A guy I dated in the past, who was wealthy by his own standards (read: doing better than folks he grew up with in Queens), expressed this similar sentiment of being scared of golddiggers. My first thought was, how would you fear a woman being attracted only to your money? I feel that everyone has the ability to comprehend whether someone is attracted to them for the right reasons or the wrong reasons. It doesn’t take a high level of complex emotional capabilities to gauge if someone is with you for your looks, money, or stability as opposed to you as a whole. So why all these fears from some men with money?

Many of these men who exhibit these “fears” also tend to make it clear that they do have money, thereby attracting those women who they are supposedly trying to avoid. It’s obviously an insecurity thing. If you are popping bottles in the VIP section of a hot club with your Rolex on, you want folks to give you respect based on your financial status. The exhibition serves to play up what they see as their best asset and what sets them apart in the marketplace. In my opinion, a man who both fears a woman using him for his money and makes a point of conveying his wealth, is a man who lacks confidence in his character. Why else would he focus on the materialistic, if not to overshadow what he sees as the shortcomings of his whole self?

Of course there are other types of men with money; those who don’t care to make a show about it and those who absolutely have no fears of attracting gold diggers since they’re looking for trophy wives (that’s an even, superficial exchange in my book). It’s not fair for men, like the one I dated and later befriended, to talk about fears of being used when they’re placing themselves in a position to being used.  I told him if he really has that unfounded fear, he should make a point of not relying heavily on showing off so that he can attract a woman for who he really is. But of course, he wasn’t hearing that and just wrote it off as me not understanding his unique plight. I’m certain that he’ll end up in the exact relationship that he “feared,” because he’s too ashamed to really admit that he’s really that guy who wants to live the life of a rap celebrity, complete with the facade of a music video life and music video wife.

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