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“Why do I attract the crazy ones?!?” Ever heard a friend say that? Ever been the one saying that? If so, then you probably regularly have one or a few men texting you who you are delicately trying to give the hint to…go the hell away. Or you have embarrassing displays of gifts arriving at your home or office. Or you’ve had to even block a few phone numbers and email addresses in your day. It can become a nuisance. Here’s why it happens.

You pity the awkward

At parties, the one guy sitting alone at the bar, or sitting in the corner while everyone is dancing—you go talk to him and ask him to dance. You are sweet. And obviously, this guy doesn’t often have women (or anyone) be sweet to him often. Sorry to say but if you’re the one to give him an inch of kindness, he will take a mile of your sanity. He will pursue you because he has pinned all his hopes of having anyone be nice to him, on you. And you don’t want to reject him like everyone else does, so the guilt eats you up when you do.

You want to save someone

The guy who is depressed, has just lost his job, or even a loved one. You have a maternal instinct to fix him—to take away his pain. But honestly, it’s his actual mother who should be doing this. When a man is going through something life changing like a job loss or the loss of loved one, that is not the time for him to get into a relationship. Your responsibilities will be too large. Only two whole, stable people should start a relationship. If you get involved with a man who isn’t whole, you won’t be whole by the end. He will drain you.

You want to prove that women mean well

So you are drawn to men who have had their heart torn to smithereens. But you will learn quickly that A) he has just become completely paranoid and suspicious of women and will read “unfaithful” into your every word and action or B) he is still just not over the ex. A rebound is a rebound is a rebound. And that’s you in this case. No matter how much he hates his ex—because hate is just another form of still loving someone.

You date artists

I’ll get some grief for this one. I know I shouldn’t stereotype but…men have evolved to want to protect. They are pragmatic by nature. Being a painter or photographer isn’t necessarily a pragmatic job. These guys are often passionate and impulsive (which is exciting!) but “normal” life is too boring for them. They disdain the suited entrepreneur. They disdain stiff work events. But those are a part of normal life. You need a guy who can handle normal life, too.

You only date online

Don’t get me wrong—there are some great people online. But, people can cover up a lot about themselves online. That profile pic could be from 5 years ago. And that occupation of “sales” could mean he works at a sex shop. Or at McDonalds. And he might be one of the ones who is online not because he works so hard and has no time to date, and not because he has such a high profile job that he needs to screen for gold diggers, but because no one in real life will date him.

You crave the celebrity

This doesn’t necessarily mean you go after Johnny Depp. But you like a man who has that celebrity presence. Maybe you like restaurant or shop owners—someone who is bowed down to daily and has his own small empire. Yes, the confidence is attractive, but these men are often used to controlling everything. That will include you.

You’re crazy

Not crazy, per say. But you’re weak right now. You’re figuring your life out. You just went through a breakup or you just lost your job. In the same way a broken man shouldn’t get into a relationship, neither should a broken woman. The basics to a whole woman are A) solid group of friends B) stable career or at least established goals C) time elapsed since last breakup/traumatic event. If you don’t fit all of these, men will see that. And the men who are looking to save you will come around. And they are usually either controlling—they like a weak woman—or they are broken themselves and attracted to that in you.

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