Ever wonder why bad girls always get the guys, no matter what rachet thing they say or do? Tired of seeing your ‘frenemy’ dupe the dudes at the club when she’s already got a man blowing up her Blackberry?
So, why do bad girls get their pick, and good girls are left to book clubs and sewing circles?
Just ask Carole Lieberman, M.D., a psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, and she’ll tell you there’s a winning formula bad girls use to snag their stable of men.
Good girls–read and learn.
#1 Looks
Obviously, right? Men are visual creatures. But when Dr. Lieberman asked men why the hay-ell they stayed so long in a dead-end, destructive relationship, the FIRST thing they said was, “She was amazingly attractive.” So ladies, if you hope to be the object of a man’s desires, woo him in the way that only a sultry woman can. First, get yourself in shape (yoga and pilates will make a nickel bounce off your back-side). Know what clothes best fit and compliment your shape. Get your hair and make-up right, and you’ve got the that most important thing checked off the list.
#2 Dress
Take a look at what you’re wearing now. What does it say about you? Lieberman says the way you dress tells a man more about you before you can have him at “hello.” “[It] conveys a message about how confident you are and how interested you are in attracting men,” she says. “The more effort you put into looking alluring, the more it tells men that you appreciate yourself and think you’re worth going to the trouble of being stylish and well put-together.”
So if your go-to outfit is a pair of sloppy sweat pants and your old university t-shirt, you might want to expand your closet, or better, get a stylist. Here’s a cheap tip: Shabby Apple, the brainchild of clothing designer, Athelia Woolley, makes the some of the classiest and figure-complementing dresses I’ve ever seen. Her site has a feature–”Shop by Body-Type”–that works like your very own personal stylist.
But before you spend a king’s ransom on a new wardrobe, take inventory of what you already have. Martha Tomazin, certified image consultant, gives free style tips on her site, marlatomazin.com.
#3 Sex
No, no. We’re not suggesting you give out the ‘cookies’ like candy. Conveying the air of a “promise” of maybe, possibly, getting the kitty is what make men pant for bad girls day in and all night. In her survey, Lieberman’s male subjects almost unanimously said that sexual attraction put them–and kept them–in intense pursuit. But when it does come down to…ehem…doing ‘the do,’ knowing how to pleasure a man orally makes them putty in your hands. “Just like women want to feel beautiful, men what to feel powerful–and having a woman pleasuring their private parts is every man’s fondest desire.” says Lieberman.
#4 Personality
This pretty-much sums it up: “Bad girls have tons of personality because in order to get a man to look up from his work or from another woman and follow them, they have to be the shiny new toy that glistens in the sunlight.” By the way, did you notice that personality is the fourth on the list? Yep.
#5 Lifestyle
Which means, do you have a life? Lieberman says men admire women who have something else going on besides trying to make a relationship the center of their universe. Don’t have a hobby? You should get one. Learn a new language. Travel. Hang out with your girlfriends–men notice that kind of stuff.
#6 Come on Strong, then Back Off
Men are notoriously good at this–they come on strong, get you all in a lather, then just ‘disappear’ for a few days. Or weeks. What’ good for the goose is very, very good for the gander. Lieberman calls this tactic ‘bait and switch.’ “The bad girl is just like a fisherman who lets the bait dangle close to the fish’s mouth and then pulls it away a little bit, then lets it dangle, then pulls it away, with the soft to and fro of the current until the next time the fish sees the bait he can’t help but swallow it hook, line, and sinker.”
Happy fishing.
Christelyn D. Karazin is a health writer and the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed (to be released February 2012), and runs a blog, www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.
