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You’re not crazy: you’re just female. And I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. I mean that in the sense that you are a woman that lives in this world, today, dealing with this crazy scene of online dating/Facebook/casual sex/open relationships and all the other confusing elements that come with being a modern day woman. You may think you’ve lost your mind if you’ve thought these thoughts but really, you’re strange if you haven’t!

Maybe I’ve been a second girlfriend all along

You hear tremendous stories of men that carry on double lives, flying across the country to see their girlfriend one week, and back again to see their wife and family. The endless forms of communication from social media to email to chat rooms makes philandering even easier for the philanderers. So you’ve probably thought at some point, “Those women didn’t have a clue. Whose to say I’m not in their same situation!” But, you know in your gut if you’re with a man capable of cheating. Go with that.

Maybe I’ve been a rebound all along

Men are encouraged to date around today and really get to know themselves before settling down. They’re encouraged to get a few not-serious women under their belt before searching for “the one.” Of course that’s going to have you wondering, even with the best of men, if you’re just one he’s “knocking out” before moving onto his search for a wife.

It could get better than this

We’re humans and that means that we are highly sexual and that we like to be paid attention to. Anybody that’s been in a relationship long enough is going to find themselves attracted to somebody else. Even if things in the relationship are great, there’s nothing like the allure of being new and exciting to somebody. You’re not a terrible person for daydreaming about somebody else. You can’t help that sometimes. It becomes a problem when you act on it.

Why aren’t I being treated like a princess?!

While we may be a generation of independent, self-sufficient women, we don’t necessarily come from one. You may have a mother, aunt or grandmother that’s planted ideas in your head that a man is supposed to take care of you, pay your rent, buy you gifts and treat you like a princess. And, occasionally, that nonsense will seep into your head and you’ll find yourself flip out when your man simply won’t clean a dish or asks you to pay the bill and you’ll think, “Hey! I should be treated like a princess!” It’s okay. We’ve all had the thought.

 

Maybe I should go sleep around

It’s not a good idea to marry the first man you fall for or sleep with. You should meet tons of men so that you have a giant frame of reference for what works for you and what doesn’t. But, it can be hard to know when to stop. When do you stop getting to know yourself via multiple partners, and realize the one you are with is good? We’ve all had that panic moment of, “Maybe he isn’t the one! He seems great but maybe I’m supposed to meet more people!” But, usually, we come down from it.

I’m not marriage material

Are you a human? Do you have love to give? Do you want to be loved? Do you have sensation in your nether regions? Yes? Then you’re marriage material. It doesn’t matter how many times a week you see a therapist, how insecure or crazy you are or how many quirks you have—everybody is marriage material. But also, everybody at some point fears that they’re not. Particularly when all their friends begin getting married before them.

I’ve driven all the men in my life away

It takes two to break a relationship. It’s never only one person’s fault. The truth is, analyzing past relationships too much isn’t always a good thing because you’re probably not doing anything wrong so much as you’re just dating the wrong people. But, often when women have been single for too long, they start to panic and analyze all their past relationships and feel certain that they messed them up and if they’d only done x, y or z differently they’d still be together with one of their exes! Sorry but, not true. There was something about each and every one of your exes that brought out a side of you that perhaps you didn’t like. That side didn’t just come out. You didn’t will it to happen. It’s called chemistry, and you had bad chemistry with those exes.

Everything is doomed

So we’ve established that you’ve dated the wrong guys in the past. Maybe you’ve had a few patterns of the types of men you choose. Maybe it’s because your father was a certain way, or because of a traumatic experience when you were younger, or because of a certain insecurity of yours and these problems are so deeply rooted that you’ll never ever be able to take control of your own future and choose a good man…WRONG! But do you see how quickly that thought pattern spiraled out of control? We’ve all been there. If you are able to self reflect then you are able to make different choices. Your future is always within your control—in matters of love, that is.

Maybe I’m a lesbian

If you truly are a lesbian and have never been turned on by a man and feel sexually attracted to women, that’s one thing. But if you felt a slight allure to a girl or three in your life, that does not make you a lesbian. Ask yourself this: would you like to wake up every day to that woman? Would you like to cuddle up with her nightly and watch movies? How about shop at Bed Bath and Beyond together and pick out linens for your shared home? If you can’t picture yourself wanting to do these things—being excited to do them with a woman—then you’re not a lesbian. You just had a brief girl crush and were curious.

 

Maybe I should be a lesbian

Sorry but, you can’t just choose your sexuality. You can rationalize in your head all the reasons that a woman is attractive but when it comes down to it, either you get a tingle downstairs for a woman or you don’t. After being hurt by many men, women can fantasize about the prospect of being a lesbian, thinking that another woman would understand them better. But word from the lesbian community is: women are just as complicated as men!

Maybe I’m terrible in bed

Considering that the cover of every magazine today has 100 new tricks in bed, and you’ve maybe read half of one of those articles, it’s easy to feel like you are way behind on what’s happening in sex in America. Guess what: nobody reads all of those articles and if they do, they don’t incorporate any of the tricks and if they do, they do so maybe once or twice before going back to what feels natural to them and doesn’t require so much thinking and so many gadgets. If you weren’t good in bed: you would know it by your man’s reactions. You wouldn’t even have to question it. Men are easy to please in that department, anyways.

Maybe my boyfriend thinks I’m an idiot

It’s very possible that in your parent’s relationship, your father worked, traveled, interacted with the world and had opportunities to learn much more than your mother who stayed home and took care of you. Within that type of relationship it is, unfortunately, very easy for there to be a disconnect in which the man just doesn’t think the woman understands much of what he knows or experiences daily. If you have ever dated a man even slightly more financially successful than yourself, it’s normal to have feared one day, “Maybe I’m just a toy to him! Maybe there are plenty of serious topics he doesn’t bring up to me because he thinks I’m incapable of grasping them.”

Maybe my private smells

It’s highly unlikely that women worried about the scent of their va jay jay’s before all these products came out promising to enhance or “fix” the scent of it! Here’s the truth: only under rare circumstances does a woman’s vagina give off a strange smell that it shouldn’t be. It’s very obvious when this happens and if it does, see your gynecologist because it probably should be medically treated. Otherwise, a vagina should smell like a vagina. Not roses, vanilla or fresh snow.

 

Maybe I should just settle

Your experience with men has probably been a combination of men that you were extremely into that broke your heart, and men who were extremely into you, whose hearts you broke. It’s difficult to find that in between in which you and a man are both equally elated to be around each other. But it’s so worth waiting for. Don’t, out of fear of being heartbroken once more, settle for the safe guy who you know will always love you, but that you’re not excited about. Even if it’s tempting.

Maybe I’m not supposed to feel excited

More on the topic of excitement, we’re all bound to date somebody out of convenience. Somebody that it’s just easy with, there’s no drama with and on paper he’s a good guy. Many people stay with this person for a long time, or even forever, because there’s no real reason to break up. But again: having nothing wrong is not grounds to stay together. Having things be amazing and exciting every day is grounds to stay together. And nothing less.

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