UGH! 10 Things Men Do That Drive Women Nuts

July 25, 2012  |  
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Ah men. You can’t live with them, but you can’t live without them…because they insist on living with you so someone will do their laundry. No matter your “type” of guy, there are a few habits that are just universally man. And sometimes, it’s a relief to hear you’re not the only one dealing with it! Here are 10 gems of male habits.

Pushing your head

Never is it okay for a man to push your head towards his crotch to get you to pleasure him. If you wanted to go down there, you’d go down there. And, if you were about to go down there, you’re not going to now because he doesn’t deserve it. It just ruins the whole mood when a guy does this because you feel like he’s all about himself in bed. Honestly, it’s what men do to prostitutes. Not girlfriends.

Fixing their junk in public

Perhaps it’s because men openly discuss the size of their member that they think it’s okay to fondle themselves for minutes on end in public. Women certainly don’t discuss the size of their vaginas. We’re taught to be a little subtler about what goes on down there. And so, the tabloids eat up any photo op of a female celeb giving her downstairs a little itch. It’s not necessarily annoying that men shamelessly grope away at themselves. It’s annoying that women can’t so much as scratch our upper thigh without being criticized.

“Are you mad?”

Women understand that men ask this question as a preemptive attempt at avoiding a fight. They want to show that they care and that they pay attention to our reactions. But, men can become so obsessed with avoiding a fight, prying, “Are you mad? But seriously, are you mad? Hey, baby…are you mad?” that they actually cause a fight! Women need a moment to think about why they are mad, and find a way to phrase it. Of course the seconds right after we have a reaction are going to be emotional, and irrational. Most of the time, the fight wouldn’t have been that big of a deal if you’d just given us five minutes to listen to our own thoughts. But, instead, you push us until we explode.

“Are you PMSing?”

If you really want to see a woman PMS, just do this: ask her if she is PMSing. Then you’ll really see the symptoms. This question is even more frustrating than, “Are you mad?” because it makes us feel that you are discounting our emotions. It makes us feel that you think female emotions are illegitimate because they’re all just a mix of hormones. Essentially, “Are you PMSing” tells us that you didn’t listen to a word we just said, but just saw the word “Irrational” blinking over our heads as you tuned us out.

“Multi tasking”

Women have this odd little pet peeve: we like you to look us in the eye when we are talking to you. So bizarre of us, right? UM, not really. It shows us you are listening to us. But men don’t feel the need to keep eye contact when speaking as much as women do. Guys: even if you are absorbing the info, sometimes to get someone to feel that you’re listening, you need to communicate their way. And a woman’s way of communicating includes eye contact. Oh, and don’t do that thing where you recite back everything we just said word for word when we ask, “Did you hear what I said?” You’ll get a similar reaction to the one that happens when you ask if we are PMSing.

Claiming more stress

Women just are better multi-taskers. We evolved that way. We had to watch the baby and listen for predators when we were cave women. We can juggle plenty of thoughts at once, without compromising the quality of those thoughts. Men are wired differently and easily become flustered if you bring up one issue, while they were deep in thought about another. Because of this, men will often complain of being very stressed out. You come to them saying the sink needs to be fixed and they say, “Baby. I’ve had a really rough day. I have so much on my plate. I can’t think about one more thing.” Meanwhile, little do they know, you have just as much on your plate. You just don’t throw a fit when something else is added. Men think they have more stress just because women are good at hiding theirs.

Planning for sex

So, you get home. You try to have sex, but your man is hungry. He really just wants to eat right now. Fine. So you try to have sex after dinner. But his stomach is full. Fine. So you wait an hour and try again. But, his favorite show is on. Fine. So, you fall asleep while he’s watching his show and suddenly he’s tugging at your shoulder asking, “That’s it? We’re not having sex?” Well…HELLO!? You should have thought about that when we first tried five hours ago. Often, women know their men better than those men know themselves. We know that if sex doesn’t happen at a certain time, it’s just not happening. And then we get blamed for falling asleep during the TV show.

Jackrabbit sex

Fast sex does not feel good for women. But, it feels really good for men. Maybe the intense pleasure they get from it has blinded men to the dozens of women who have cringed, tried to change positions or plainly asked, “Can you slow down?” whenever they started “jack rabbit sex.” But, it’s very frustrating, and either feels like nothing for us or feels bad.

Clean for five minutes

Men may say they’re not “conventional,” and that they don’t buy into “gender roles” but get a guy to clean for five minutes—maybe just one corner of a table—and what do you get? “Babe. Don’t tell me I’m lazy! I cleaned the table two days ago.” Or “Babe, did you see that I dusted the TV?” They want a trophy for doing one little thing. Just because it’s out of the norm for you to do something, doesn’t mean you’re going to get rewarded for it. You’re certainly not going to get rewarded for it by the person who does it every single day.

Fuss about your downstairs

A woman’s pubic hair has a very serious job. It protects the vagina from bacteria and possible infections. And so therein, at the right time, sometimes it protects a fetus. A living thing. And yet, men don’t want it there. They like a bald eagle. Fine. But not fine when men are so picky about one stray hair on you, while they have a full on forest. What do they need to keep all that hair for? What is it protecting that is so precious? Try and match baby-making-machine. Unless men are willing to get razor burn or spread hot wax on themselves and tear it off, they shouldn’t say a word about our choices in grooming.

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