Faster, Slower, More, Less: What She’s Really Trying To Tell You In Bed

August 15, 2012  |  
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Communication in the bedroom can either make everything so much better, or so much worse. Every single word spoken, gasped or groaned during sex carries the weight of a thousand words. She doesn’t want to hurt you feelings. She doesn’t want to ruin the mood. She doesn’t want to make you insecure. But for god sake, she DOES want that orgasm! So, sometimes she has to say something! She just might say it so delicately, that you don’t get the point. But here’s what she really means when she does or says this:

Grabs your butt

When you’re on top of a woman, and she grabs your butt that means you’re bouncing around too much. You’re moving too fast and you’re not getting in there enough. Never, under any circumstances, does being jack hammered feel good for a woman. So, don’t think she’s just clawing your buns in the heat of the moment. She is trying to get a handle on the spastic pelvis moving at warp speeds on top of her and bring it back down to earth.


Wiggling when you’re down there

Rarely will a woman just ask you to stop eating her out. She knows nothing kills a man’s libido and confidence in his sexual abilities than having a woman ask him to stop doing the one thing women are supposed to love having done to them! But, truth be told, some guys are really bad at going down on women. So bad that, it gets the woman out of the mood, tickles her or even causes her discomfort. So, what does she do? She wiggles. She kicks her legs and moves her pelvis around essentially to make you think, “This is too difficult! I’ll just give up.” That way, she never technically criticized your technique. But listen: if she liked it, she would have been laying damn still.

“How about we try…”

Do you think that polite talk belongs in the bedroom? Think about that for a second. Pleases and thank you’s, in the middle of the most carnal act. Nuh uh. If a woman is asking you to politely try a new act or position, I hate to break it to you but she doesn’t think you’re adventurous enough! If you were, she’d just command, “Get behind me!” But if she is pausing to ask politely, as if she’s going to ask you to stop at the store for her tampons, then that means she feels she needs to ease you into things.


“Can I get on top?”

For many women, being on top is the sweet spot. More specifically, it’s how you hit their G spot. So, don’t think you’re bad in bed just because a woman wants to get on top occasionally. However, if women (or just your one woman) is consistently trying to just get on top, and rejecting your attempt at other positions, this could just be because you don’t know how to please her. It’s brash but: when a woman is on top, she doesn’t really need you. Only a certain part of you. But, you don’t need any skills to please a woman on top. She’s got this. Which might tell you something about your skills if she’s always asking to get on top.


“I want you close to me”

Sometimes, when you’re in the middle of doing something you think is awesome, a woman will pause, and pull your torso down so your stomachs are touching and whisper—ever so sweetly—“I want you close to me.” This is very similar to when she grabs your butt. It’s just a nice way of saying that whatever you’re doing isn’t working and she needs a moment to reassess things.

Talk dirty to me

Somehow S&M dominated the world of “dirty.” Whenever someone says they are dirty or “kinky” in bed, people assume that means they are rough and rude. So, often when a woman asks you to talk dirty to her, you start calling her a “dirty Slore” and a “filthy Slore” and all sorts of other offensive, derogatory terms. That is not what we necessarily mean. In fact, it’s usually not what we mean. Try more along the lines of, “I just want to ravage you” or “I want you to ride me so hard.” Okay—so clearly, I’m not good at it. But talk more about how much you want her, and how much you want to please her, rather than offending her.

“I just want to make out a little longer”

If you are doing anything right, your woman should not be wanting to make out a little longer. But, the reality is, if a woman isn’t “prepared” (read: wet) sex is unpleasant and painful for her. But not all men are good at “preparing” a woman and one thing that can help us prepare other than actual4-play, is some good old fashioned, passionate making out. If a woman just wants to “make out a little longer” then you have not adequately readied her for intercourse. Work on that.

“I want you deep inside of me”

Again: why are you not already deep inside of her? A woman should not have to be saying this, mid-coital! If she is, then you’re trying some positions that she is not into. You’re not pleasuring her. She probably can’t even really feel you. Typically, a woman will say this when a man starts moving really fast because that only feels two ways to us: 1) Like, really bad or 2) Like nothing. She’ll also say this when your bodies are forming a 90-degree angle because when that is the case, her clitoral region is getting no stimulation whatsoever. Generally, to go deeper, men will move to more of a 45-degree angle, which instantly gets that clitoris some action.

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