Grieving Over a Girlfriend: 7 Ways to Move on After a Break-up…Between Friends

June 4, 2012  |  
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Who said that breaking up with a boyfriend or husband is the only tough breakup your heart will have to deal with? Anybody who has had to separate themselves from someone they used to consider another family member knows that the grieving process after the end of a lengthy friendship isn’t easy. But at some point, like with all break-ups, you have to learn and move on. It will take some time, but in the end, you should try and achieve the following in the process.

1. Think Back And See If You Did Everything You Could To Work Things Out

Most people feel conflicted about the break-up of a friendship with their best friend if they leave on messy terms. Was she mad at you about something you didn’t know about? Were her issues or your reasons for feeling a certain way vague? If you know that both parties were never really on the same page about why they were mad, you might want to try and seek full closure with that friend. Especially if you can’t seem to stop talking about it with anyone who will listen.

But if you know that you tried to reach out to this friend and be as understanding as possible and they still weren’t happy, then you have to let it go. Same goes for when a friend betrays you. If you know that what this person did was something you won’t be able to get over (and will bring up constantly) or they broke the trust in your friendship, your reasons are pretty justified in parting ways. But if feelings of regret come up, it’s never too late to reach out. Things might not be the same later on, but if you know you want that person in your life in some capacity, put the pride aside.

2. Don’t Be Hateful Behind Their Backs

You’re probably not over something when every time that person’s name pops up in a conversation, you’re calling her a b***h out the side of your mouth and spewing all of her secrets to complete strangers and close friends: “You know what this b***h did when we were friends!???” Attempts to turn other people against an individual you’re no longer close with isn’t cool. Everyone has the right to see what a person really is or isn’t about on their own time, so you shouldn’t take it upon yourself to s**t on the character of them when they’re not even there to defend themselves.

3. Don’t Freak Out If/When You Encounter Them In Person

Three words: “Be cool, baby.” A friend of mine had an extremely awkward encounter with an ex-friend of hers while they were both at the same event. The ex-friend brought her sister as a guest, and when my friend saw the sister, she decided to say hello. She used to be close with the entire family, so she didn’t want to be rude. But when the former BFF came back from getting food, my friend freaked out at the sight of her and scurried away like a mouse caught when the lights come on. Hey, we’re all adults, and unless someone is wielding a knife at you over past grievances, there’s no need to start running like you stole something. You can be cordial when they come around and then go about your business. There’s a difference between being civil and being phony, so just say hello and be on out. If they choose to be rude in response, then you can be sure that moving on from them as a friend was indeed a good decision.

4. Don’t Make Your Other Friends Part of the Drama

If the two of you shared friends, the last thing you should look to do is get them caught up in what should be finished drama. Instead of giving them a play-by-play of all the former friend did wrong or who she “really” was, sordid details should be left between the two bickering parties. Don’t have your friend running back in between you and an ex-homie asking questions or getting yelled at because of something they’ll never fully understand.

5. Keep Your Feelings Off of Social Media

Please don’t be ugly and do one of those statuses that is supposed to make you look like you’ve moved on and are a better person even though you’re clearly taking shots at the former friend. You know the type. The ones that say ish like “Forgive and forget” or go in depth about how people hurt you but you won’t take it anymore, and on and on and on. These cryptic messages are pretty unnecessary and only prove that you’re still mad. When you’re really over something, you’ll find that there’s no longer a need to talk about it.

 

6. Enjoy The Friends You Still Have

Don’t get me wrong, if you were one of those friends who spent every waking moment with a buddy while neglecting your other friends, well, then you’re going to have a hard time getting back in their good graces. But you should definitely try and evaluate the friendships you have left, and if you know your girls (or guys) are down for you, appreciate them and try spending more quality time with them. If you know you fell out with a friend because you weren’t there when she needed you or because you were too self-involved, catch up with those left in your circle and do more listening than talking. Learn and grow.

7. Make Whatever Changes Are Necessary, And Then MOVE ON. Seriously…

When a friendship that you value ends, it never hurts to look at yourself and wonder what you could have done better, and what changes you should make to prevent the same drama in the future. But in all honesty, there’s no reason to harp on the past for very long. We all know that some people are in our lives for only a season or two, so when a friendship ends you can’t grieve about it for too long. Besides, your other friends will probably tire of hearing about that same ‘ol drama after a while. No one is perfect and everyone will make mistakes, so whatever part you played in the end of this friendship is just something you should learn from. No need to think you’re a bad person or to keep feeling down about someone who isn’t worrying as much about you.

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