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I’m done trying to fight the Kanye and Kim thing. Not that I was ever leading a crusade against them or anything like that but I’ve come to understand that these two are together, he appears to be happy, as evidence by the fact that they are practically joined at the hip, and he’s already been seduced by the attention whoredom that is the Kardashian empire. That being said, there is one thing I’d like him to consider doing: slow down.

Nose wide open would be an understatement for Ye’s disposition right now. The man hasn’t licked her head in an ad campaign or anything yet, but where he is, she is, where her family goes, he goes, and if he has some place he’s supposed to be away from Kim, he’s likely not there because he’s with her. Not to mention the color coordinating and twit-picing. It’s the classic puppy love stage and anyone who’s been there knows this is also one of the most dangerous phases of a relationship because all you tend to see is roses and sunshine and you overlook all the weeds and the darkness, i.e., the BS. I feel like Ye needs to go back to his lyrics from 2006 when he wrote “Drive Slow.” The chorus was “Drive slow homie. You never know homie, might meet some h*es homie, you need to pump your brakes and drive slow homie.” I’m not going to call Kim a you know what but the last part still stands: he might want to pump his brakes a bit—or a lot.

During Cannes, Ye was supposed to give a surprise performance at Provocateur with Kid Cudi who starred in the 30-minute art film, “Cruel Summer,” the rapper debuted during the festival. But when the show began, Cudi hit the stage, Swizz Beats hit the stage, and in Kanye’s place was fellow G.O.O.D music label mate Big Sean. Where was Ye? At an intimate dinner with Kim. On the surface, it might seem cute for a man to blow off “work” for his girl, but you also blew off marketing for your movie, you also blew off an engagement without giving any of the people you were performing with a heads up, as Swizz kept dropping hints to the audience that Ye was about to hit the stage, and you also blew some of your fans tolerance. I’m pretty sure he could’ve dropped a line or two and still had a nice meal with Kim. It’s a little soon to be putting pleasure before business in this situation.

On top of this news, there are reports that Kanye and Kim have both quietly put their LA homes on the market, but since we know about it, it’s obviously not all that lowkey. The story, according to Life and Style,  is that the plan is for Kimye to get a new place together in California—although they’ll only rent since it’s too soon to buy. E! says there’s no truth to this story, but I don’t exactly buy their line that the queen of look-at-me TV is moving because she wants more privacy. I’ll believe that when she stops letting cameras follow her around 24/7 for a living. E! probably just wants to break that news on their “Kardashian” finale which is why they’re in denial mode.

There’s also that pesky little detail of Kim being married. I know people date through divorce all the time but when it comes to a serial monogamist like Kim, Ye better watch out. He apparently already got heart broken by this girl once when she married Kris Humphries. If she gets too bored with him not doing anything with his music career for too long and decides to move on the next one, he’s going to be the one looking like a fool, not her.

We’ve decided Kanye may be dealing with some sort of rejection syndrome which is why he’s so enamored with Kim. He’s been wanting this girl for a long time and now that he’s finally bagged her he’s all googly-eyed and tongue-tied. I also feel like this is a little bit of Ye’s personality because he was all up on Amber like this from day one too. Sometimes that girl looked more like an accessory than a girlfriend on the red carpets and in Louis Vuitton ads the way she followed him around so PDA and getting sprung aren’t exactly new to Kim. But when I think about the rumors that Amber and her brother might have been stealing money right out from Kanye’s nose, I can’t help but think about the craziness he might not be sniffing out with the Kardashian klan. They definitely don’t need his money, but Kris Jenner, who he probably needs to watch out for more than Kim, is going to find some use for that man other than being her daughter’s boyfriend and he better make sure it doesn’t ruin his brand or his earning potential.

A lot of people think Kanye and Kim are two peas in a pod who make a great match. I don’t quite see that yet, but what I do see is a man well beyond smitten who jumped head first into something that’s so much bigger than him. If he doesn’t want to be a pawn in one of the Kardashian’s grand schemes he better slow it down just a tad and open his eyes—and close his nose just a bit. There is one bright spot in all of this that I have to admit though—at least Kim’s off the athletes.

Do you think Kim and Kanye seem to be moving a little fast?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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