The Black Snob Sounds Off: The 7 Kinds of Men Who Make Life Miserable For Everyone
by Danielle Belton aka The Black Snob
When women are complaining about men, they’re actually not talking about “all men.” They’re talking about very specific “gentlemen” who make life hell for everyone. And the complaints are not only coming from the ladies. The men that women complain about are often the same men other men complain about (yet sometimes irrationally defend out of some misplaced solidarity). The fact is a guy incapable of telling the truth and being reliable might not just be a plague on the women he dates but society as a whole.
Here are the seven men who make not just dating, but society, a much more treacherous place.
1) The Escape Artist: A common plague upon all of society, the Escape Artist is the epitome of passive aggressive; by disengaging from dealing with his responsibility he leaves behind nothing but the aggression you feel towards him.
Example? Think every verse of The Temptations’ “Papa Was A Rolling Stone.”
Who is he? Your father who bailed on you and your mother rather than taking on the responsibility of child-rearing and honoring his familial obligations.
Who does he affect? Everyone. It’s one thing for one’s parents to break up, but still maintain a healthy relationship with her father as an important part of her life. It’s a whole other when he just disappears, as if you or your mother never mattered at all. Women talk about the Escape Artist a lot because he breaks our hearts with his absence and leaves our children constantly wondering why they weren’t enough for him to stick around. But men are equally affected by his wrath – if you’re the son of the Escape Artist you have the same abandonment issues your sisters have. While many are able to cope and move on to healthy productive lives, there’s always the tragedy of those who don’t cope and find themselves repeating the same cycle of broken homes and abandonment because it is all they know.
2) The Egoist: He’s great. Did he mention that he’s great? He’s great, everyone. Tell your friends.
Example? O.J. Simpson.
Who is he? The guy who tells everyone how awesome he is and seems to exude confidence, even if it directly contradicts his behavior.
Who does he affect? Everyone. Egoists seem fine, at first. Even fun. Who doesn’t love confidence? A confident guy is attractive to everyone. He’s where the party is, and in some cases, IS the party. Unless he’s an Egoist. In that case, he’s the guy who you can’t depend on, because there are two “I’s” in narcissist. An egoist is always fun … until. He’s your boy … until you lose your job and he loses your phone number. He’s your man … until something better comes along or you get sick or your mom dies and he doesn’t want to have to “take care of you.” He’s your wingman … until you get the job/girl/life he wanted and turns into a “bitter brother.” He’s your future husband … until he decides you’re not the right kind of woman for someone of his wealth and taste.
3) Mr. Contradictions, aka “The Master Illusionist:” He says one thing, but does another.
Example? Newt Gingrich.
Who is he? The guy who always gets you in trouble. He tells you he’s a “moral” person, introduces you to his third wife (that he met while cheating on wife No. 2). He says he’s getting his life together … as he gets high. He swears he’ll pay you back. Eventually.
Who does he affect? Everyone. Mr. Contradictions believes everyone is just like him – that they’re all lying. When you accuse him of cheating, he accuses you of cheating on him first. When you say how you thought it was wrong that he told a lie on you, he tells you how he never got over something that you did two years ago to him, but he won’t tell you what you did. Mr. Contradictions is a manipulator. He manipulates the women he dates into thinking they can’t do any better than his inconsistencies. He manipulates his male friends into thinking he’s a “nice guy” who “just can’t catch a break,” so that they end up looking like fools as they defend him (or get ripped off by him), only to later learn he lied to them too. But even when faced with evidence of the truth, he’ll always hold onto “it wasn’t me.” And sorry is just another word not in his vocabulary.
4) Norman Bates: Mother? Is that you?
Example? Norman Bates from “Psycho,” obviously.
Who is he? The guy who told you that he hates his mother. While people complain about Mama’s Boys there is something worse than a man who won’t cut the apron strings, and that is a man who is really, really angry/obsessed with his own mother.
Who does he affect? Everyone. This is the guy who laughs too hard at the rape joke. Heck, he probably made the joke. He doesn’t seem to like women. Or anyone. He’s just angry. But instead of directing that anger at the woman who dropped him off at a mall and never picked him up again, he’s chosen to take it out on every woman. What most people forget is that men who are misogynists often aren’t that nice to other men either. Oh sure, he tells that off-color joke that’s so wrong it’s funny. But if something bad happens to you he always dismisses it, tells you you’re soft and seems overly invested in ruining your own relationships. Why does he care so much about what you’re doing? Because if he can’t be happy with a woman, no one can.
5) Big Bully: They used to laugh at him, but who’s laughing now?
Example? Mister, The Color Purple.
Who is he? Someone once made him feel bad, so now you all have to pay. Maybe it was his father. Or his classmates. Or siblings. Or society. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that makes the pain go away is seeing you feel worse. If that means picking on someone smaller who reminds him of himself, so be it. You shouldn’t have been born “smaller” and “weaker.” He barks that no one ever felt sorry for him. You’re just a punk and he has to destroy you because you’re always “asking for it.”
Who does he affect? Everyone. Bullies are dangerous because they have the ability to take people, particularly those who already feel weaker and self-conscious, and convince them that through their thuggery, they are better than them. How many men and women have worshipped a bully or obsessed over a bully to their own detriment? All they want is someone to control as it is the only way they can feel in control. And you’re “weaker” than him, so you’ll do. He mocks and destroys anyone who retains any behavior he assigns with weakness. If you’re a guy who is honorable and kind, you’re a punk to him. If you’re his woman, you’re “nothing” without him. Big Bullies will often turn other men into Bullies because, again, Big Bully has taught them the only way to not feel like a victim is to become the perpetrator. It’s like getting revenge on your abusive dad by beating the crap out of nerds and your girlfriends.
6) The Sociopath: He doesn’t have a conscience, but is banking on you believing that he does.
Example? Ted Bundy.
Who is he? The guy who can’t love … and thinks you’re a sucker because you can.
Who does he affect? Everyone. While we expect some people to be selfish or jerks or even abusive, we never expect someone to just not have a conscience, because as people with consciences, it’s the last thing we suspect. Sociopaths are master manipulators who destroy lives – both that of women and men – for sport. Without manipulating people, they’re bored … and sociopaths are always bored. Certain male sociopaths will manipulate the rules of “tradition” or “patriarchy” to pervert them for their own amusement. They don’t actually “care” about society or religion or tradition. They’re just screwing with you in the most perverse way possibly because they have nothing better to do. The damage they cause is usually deep – from the abuse and exploitation of those who have loved and trusted them at home and in the workplace, to using manipulation and charisma to take over positions of influence and power and lead entire nations off a cliff. They could be Hitler. They could be your next door neighbor.
7) The Hype Man: The worst of them all, because he co-signs.
Example? Hopefully not you.
Who is he (or she)? This person is the often not-so-silent partner who allows all these types of horrible people to operate … Even though s/he is often the victim of these same people. S/He doesn’t have whatever they have, but he wants it and he has completely bought into their warped world view. S/He’s the one who argues you were “asking for it” when you were the victim.
Who does he affect? Everyone. Because he convinces men and women that men folk had a meeting and agreed treating people like garbage was “a guy thing.” They give the consent – both in action and in inaction – that the terror others inflict is the fault of the victims. These are the individuals who keep dictators in power, who keep criminals on the streets, who protect those who don’t deserve protection because they believed The Escape Artist, The Egoist, Mr. Contradictions, Big Bully and the Sociopath when they blamed everyone but themselves for their bad behavior. They hide their rottenness under the belief “that’s just how all men are,” when it’s really just how they are. All men don’t skirt their responsibilities or abuse those weaker than them. But these men do. The Hype Man doesn’t realize that in defending these flawed figures (or never speaking up against them) he is condoning and excusing the abuse of himself and others at their hands. He’s the reason why all those others can continue to operate, because people who are “good” don’t stand up against them.