When It’s Not Worth Fixing
Some couples you would be devastated to see separated. They are two peas in a pod. You know they care about one another. Others you question constantly, “Why are they still together?” as they constantly argue and rarely just have a moment of peace. What makes the difference? Some people know how to work things out, while others just don’t know when to walk away. Here’s how you can know when it’s time to walk away:
It is never addressed
Some couples never actually fix an issue. They get in a blow up fight. They go to their separate corners and later crawl into bed, say, “I love you” and that’s it. It’s cute, for a moment. But they don’t actually plainly state, “Here is what we are going to do to avoid this issue in the future.” This is a sign of major communication issues. It is delusional to think that time makes a problem go away. Problem solving makes it go away. If your partner is incapable of tackling an issue, you may have to leave that one. Because as life goes on, issues only get bigger. And separate corners won’t be an option.
He never takes blame
It is impossible to be with someone who is incapable of even considering that maybe they could be wrong sometimes. It is actually disrespectful to you because they are choosing their own pride over your feelings. Even though they may sometimes know they’ve done something wrong, they would rather let you feel like you are over-reacting, or that you are the one in the wrong, than ever swallow their pride and take blame. A life with this person is a life of inequality.
He is a leaver
Some men know just how to punish a woman and that is by leaving. Some men, the instant a woman brings up any issue at all, say, “I don’t want to fight. I’m leaving” and go off to see their friends, to a bar, to their parents, to god knows where for god knows how long. This type of man makes you feel you can never bring up anything—you can never share with him when you are upset because you are punished by being left alone. This is extremely selfish and once again, the man is okay with knowing you are tortured being left alone, so long as he doesn’t have to (god forbid!) talk about issues.
You agree to disagree on something big
Some couples are in denial about the fact that a dynamic exists that will inevitably either break them up if not cause regular arguments. Whether this be that one person is dead set on moving out of town and the other is dead set on never leaving, or one thinks it is 100% okay to be friends with exes and the other thinks it’s totally inappropriate, there are some issues that you can’t just agree to disagree on. You need to either debate it out until you both agree on it, or—sorry to say it—end it. Because otherwise you’ll be fighting forever.
He seems unaffected
If you and your man get into a huge fight, it affects you. You struggle to concentrate on work. You are in your own head when around your friends, otherwise the only thing you can talk about with them is your fight with your man. If your man seems completely unaffected by your fight—if he is partying with his buddies as usual, walking around with his head held high and acting like he doesn’t have a care in the world—then your relationship is not that important to him. He should feel it when there is tension. You’re not just an annex to his life. You’re not an acquaintance. You’re his girlfriend.
He aims below the belt
Never, ever should a relationship be a competition. If your partner has a criticism for you, he should bring it up because it affects him and the relationship negatively—because he wants the relationship to run smoother. But if your man brings things up just to hurt you, that’s a sick kind of love. If you love someone, you should try to work out bumps in a way that is most pleasant for everyone. Never should your partner take joy in seeing you in pain.
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