And if you’re looking for signs that he’s not looking at you in that way, try the following:
- You end up as a shopping consultant for the gifts he’s buying the woman he’s dating.
- If you hear any of the following phrases: “I wouldn’t want to ruin what we have.” “You’re like one of my homies/little sister.” “You’re going to make some guy really happy one day.”
- He makes zero effort to try and impress you.
- You’re dressed in your sexiest outfit and he’s more uncomfortable than turned on. Or, he clowns you about your attire.
- He consistently is in a relationship with someone who is not you.
- He finds your attempts at femininity funny.
As much as we all wish that real life played out like a romantic comedy where you profess your feelings in the pouring rain to a man you’ve silently harbored affection for and he tells you he feels the same, the honest truth is that once you’re in the friend zone it can be pretty impossible to find your way out. Look at Julia Robert’s character in My Best Friend’s Wedding. We knew she and Dermot Mulroney made the most sense, but instead, Cameron Diaz’s dippy, demure damsel-in-distress character ended up with the husband. We are attracted to certain people both sexually and mentally for whatever reason and everyone that we want isn’t necessarily going to want us back, no matter how much sense it may seem to make. The important thing is to not invest too much time and energy into trying to force something that isn’t meant to be, when you can be pursuing someone who wants to be more than friends just as much as you do.
Toya Sharee is a community health educator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee.
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