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Having such an open mind about sex has certainly come at a cost. I’ve tried a lot of sex I loved and a handful of things that I hated, but in the end, I’m glad I tried. Yet, through my trial and error in the bedroom, I can honestly say I have no regrets about anal sex. 

While it isn’t in my top three things to do in the sack, it does make the top five when it’s done the right way. I spent years gasping “wrong hole” to eager partners and cringing at the occasional unexpected (but consensual) thumb, which only made me delay the anal attempt even longer. In college, I met a man who took the time to talk me through it and prioritize my comfort over his nut. I can say that encounter was my first pleasurable anal experience, and set the standard going forward, unsurprisingly, it only got better from there.  

After that, I took it upon myself to learn more about the ins and outs of anal sex. Conversations with my homegirls and mediocre sex education made it sound like a messy and painful experience. Which in retrospect is true, but mainly because I wasn’t patient or prepared. 

It took some deep dives on Google, solo anal play and a lot of amateur porn for me to feel comfortable. Google explained for me the logistics of anal sex; solo anal play allowed me to learn my own body and limits and amateur porn helped me unlearn the scripted lies that pornography had offered me over the years, giving me false hope and expectations. Even then, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t shed blood, sweat and tears, in the process. In the end, it was all worth it.

Eventually, I was able to explain to my partners how to have anal sex with me in a way that felt safe and comfortable. This of course included the basics: condoms, lubricants and a Dru Hill playlist. In addition to setting non-negotiable boundaries. We go at my pace, stick to positions that felt good for me and never switch straight to vaginal penetration. 

The basics were essential to my safety. Condoms are a requirement for me with partners during anal sex to decrease the risk of sexually transmitted infections, and the anus is not self-lubricating so plenty of lube is appreciated. The Dru Hill radio station, deep and intentional breathing and a combination of other foreplay are to set the mood because relaxation is a major assist when having anal sex.

I later learned the hard way about ignoring the non-negotiable boundaries. Not going to lie, your girl was feeling herself and got bold. I tried positions that were not comfortable for me and decided to direct my partner to go faster, and we were left with a mess of bodily fluids to clean up. Thankfully this happened with someone I was comfortable with and trusted, we simply cleaned up, and tried again another time. I won’t write some bullshit and say anal sex will never get dirty, but I will tell you that it’s worth the mess.

And I’m not alone in the quest for some anal pleasure. Sixty-three percent of women who responded to a recent poll conducted by Bad Girls Bible, expressed they also enjoy anal sex, and have added it to their list of sexual activities. People shared their experiences with an individual partner and the explosive orgasms they had with one another. Some shared how much they enjoy solo anal play with different toys and butt plugs during masturbation and to practice or prepare them for partnered sex later on in the future. 

Amongst these titillating testimonies, I was also very excited to hear of people having anal sex during double penetration and the intense orgasms people are having as a group. I love that for all of them. 

RELATED CONTENTPLEASURE IS PRINCIPLE: Double Penetration Comes With A Double Standard That Privileges Penis But Shames Vagina

I also received responses from those who voted that anal sex wasn’t something they were interested in. Some explained they’ve tried it and it just wasn’t something they enjoyed. Others referenced the mess and discomfort. In the end, all reasoning is valid, and prioritizing pleasure is at the core of whatever kind of sex we choose to have. So, if a dick in the ass doesn’t make your toes curl, it’s okay to put that practice to bed with all the other sexual activities you won’t be getting into.

Anal sex should always be practiced with comfort and consent to allow room for fun and pleasure. Passing on anal sex doesn’t discount the sex you’re having or make you any less of a freak hoe. It’s simply another part of sex that some enjoy and others don’t. 

Below I’ve included some hoochie homework, a reference list to support anyone looking to initiate or continue having pleasureable anal sex.  The items and products below are tools that can ease your mind and your orgasm. 


Safe Words

I’m a fan of safe words for sex in general, but especially anal sex. Before having sex having a conversation with your partner(s) to establish words that express when you’re enjoying anal sex and words that signal the need to slow down or stop. There is no instance where these words replace the words stop or no which are clear demands to discontinue. 


Warming Lubricant

Self-proclaimed lubricant connoisseur here, and a warming lube has transformed anal sex for me and is cosigned by many others. Research shows that these lubricants increase blood flow to the applied area and intensify the pleasure receptors in the anus. 


Anal Starter

Since quarantine, I’m proud to say I’ve expanded my collection of sex toys and this includes a few new anal starters. These are primarily used with partners during vaginal penetration to both intensify my orgasm and to prepare my anus for the penetration of a penis. They have been one of my most rewarding investments during the lockdown. The Gaia by Bellesa has a curved tip for g-spot orgasms, and a flared base for anal and prostate pleasure, it can also be used for clitoral stimulation! 


Clitoral Stimulation

I’ve experienced an orgasm from anal sex alone, however, I will say that the presence of some clitoral stimulation made a great difference. Incorporating a toy strictly for clitoral pleasure helped me relax and increased my orgasm during anal sex. If you haven’t purchased a clitoral suction toy yet, this is your sign. The Puff Compact Suction Toy by Unbound Babes has five intensity settings, offering a range of targeted, powerful sensations.


Anal Vibrator

Solo anal play during masturbation have given me some of my most memorable orgasms while stuck in the house. Adding an anal vibrator to your masturbation regimen can be mind-blowing.  An anal vibrator also allows you to test drive anal sex on your own terms to learn what feels great and what doesn’t feel so good. For an intense experience there are toys like the Trifecta Silicone Rabbit Triple Vibrator by Evolved Novelties, it stimulate three erogenous zones at once, delivering powerful internal vibrations to the gspot, while stimulating the clitoris as a beaded anal shaft penetrates and pleases the anus. 

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