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Good morning Mr Handsome

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In case you hadn’t heard, there is plenty of misinformation when it comes to women’s bodies–especially our sexuality. Too many of us are not educated properly. And then we receive information from the media, adult films, song lyrics etc. And they don’t exactly paint the most realistic picture about what it takes for women to experience sexual pleasure. Because, to be honest, society has made it seem like it’s something for men alone to enjoy. 

A part of that miseducation is the sense that using additional lubrication during sexual intercourse–particularly with a man–is not something you should do unless you’re a woman who’s older and in the midst of menopause. But according to Dr. Brandye Wilson-Manigat, OBGYN at the Pasdena Women’s Medical Group, lubrication is for everybody and it can make each sexual experience much more enjoyable. See what she had to say below. 

MN: Who is lubrication for? 

Dr. Brandye: Lubrication’s for everybody. Not just for the older ladies. I say that because it creates a different sensation. When you have more lubrication, depending on where you’re putting it, there’s more slip. There’s a little less friction in some instances. That extra slip gives a different sensation. I’m a big proponent of lubricant no matter how old you are. The idea is you only need it if it’s dry. And it’s like no. You can have quite a bit of fun, a lot more fun if you’re using some lubricant.

Now, they have warming and tingling and permutations of it. So you have some extra sensations you can add to the mix. For me, when I’m talking about sex, I’m talking about the five senses. How can we get the five senses involved and how can we amplify that? Because that’s what creates a memorable experience and that’s what gives you that positive reinforcement of: ‘Ok, sex is good. I want to keep having sex. Let’s do this!’ So I’m a big proponent of lubricant for everybody.

MN: Why do you think there is so much shame in women using lubricant?

Dr. Brandye: One, I think it goes to this idea of how is your body functioning. If you feel like you need more lubrication, there must be something wrong with you. And that’s the go-to, no matter what. Whether it’s lubricant or anything else, our default is ‘what’s wrong with you?’ The second piece though, we just have such little information about our bodies and the range of things that are possible. So, some women make a whole lot of lubrication. It could be that they’re very aroused or they’re not. Some women, they don’t make a lot of lubrication and they can be super aroused. So there’s not a direct line like if A is happening, B is going to show up. That’s a misunderstanding about that for women in general.

Thirdly, the images and things we see about our bodies and what’s supposed to happen, what aroused looks like—it’s a one-dimensional picture. It doesn’t show the range of what it all could look like, what it all could be. It doesn’t even show what you could be looking for. Some of it is porn and watching porn. You see the man and woman and as soon as they come on screen, she’s ready. They get into it and she’s having this great time. And it’s like, ‘Wait a minute! That’s not how it works.’

It’s like ‘Look dude, Ima need 15-20 mins. Can I get a little foreplay? Can I get something?’ So there are stories being told about what sex should look like for women and it’s not the case of what sex looks like for women.

MN: Which types of lubrication should women be using?

Dr. Brandye: I definitely want to make sure they’re using something that’s not going to change the pH in the vagina and make things go crazy. So you’re looking at a water based or a silicone based. They now have hybrids, which are water and silicone based. That’s the baseline. If you feel like you’ve used water-based lubricants and they’ve gotten too sticky or they’re not slippery enough, a silicone based might be a better bet.

Some people are using coconut oil because they want to go natural. You can use olive oil but you might smell like spaghetti. You can do that too just to add something different. And a lot of them you can use as massage oils to up the sensation and pleasure factor.

Use lube it’s good. You’ll like it. Your partner will like it. Have fun!

Dr. Brandye Wilson-Manigat is an obstetrician-gynecologist in South Pasadena, California and is affiliated with one hospital. She has been in practice between 11-20 years.
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