When Love Languages Clash

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Back up understanding with actions

Speaking a partner’s love language is part of where the “work” of relationships comes in. If you don’t have the same love language, then you do not inherently – without being reminded – do the things that make your partner feel loved. You can’t rely on yourself to take those actions on autopilot. That’s just not how you work if you have different love languages. Knowing your partner’s love language isn’t enough. “Put in the work! Learning and expressing each other’s love languages means nothing without the work that comes along with it,” Sorrell says. “This is a daily commitment that takes time, patience, understanding, gentleness, positive reinforcement, and continuous engagement for the relationship to be successful over the long run.” In the same way you create to-do lists and reminders for other goals you care about, you can create reminders for yourself to speak your partner’s love language.