The excitement of a new love interest sparks something inside of you. It’s as if it’s activating a bulb or a little flame that’s been dormant for a long time. When you feel that, you want more of that. Who wouldn’t? And so, you pursue that new fling. And the fling turns into a relationship. Sometimes, that spark grows and grows. But, sometimes, it dies off and you don’t even notice it. You fall into a pattern. Things felt bright and exciting long enough to pull you into the relationship. Then, once you had a routine, and liked the idea of being in a relationship, you failed to notice that that flame that was flickering at the beginning of the relationship, it’s gone totally out. You neglect to recognize that the version of you from before this relationship was actually, so clearly, happier than the version of you in this relationship.
The scenario described above happens all of the time. If you suspect it could be happening to you right now, there’s a chance that it is. When your partner makes your life brighter, you know. And if you question it, well…You can probably guess what that means. It’s always useful to have tangible, grounded-in-reality signs to look for so we asked psychotherapist Kiara Hartwell (@KJHartwell) to list signs that your partner is putting your light out. Hartwell is the founder of KJ Hartwell and specializes in working with teenage girls and millennial women.
Ask yourself this
“Is your partner really functioning as our partner, best friend, soulmate, or are they slowly depleting you?” That’s a question Hartwell encourages you to ask yourself. She says there are a few signs that pertain to your confidence. If you are feeling like you aren’t worthy and if you are feeling invalidated within your relationship, these could be signs a partner isn’t good for you. And these can often lead to behaviors such as seeking validation from others outside of the relationship, and more specifically, infidelity.