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online dating how to get a response

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Doing well on dating apps can hinge on one’s understanding of human psychology. It relies on being able to put yourself in others’ shoes, and think, “How am I perceived when I do this?” Those sound like strengths and skills that we probably all like to think we have — and that sound easy enough — but the reality is human psychology is actually pretty complicated. And when we put ourselves in others’ shoes, we’re still looking through the lens of our eyes so there is a bias there.

If you use dating apps and aren’t having the success you’d hoped for, you might sometimes think, “This other person I know who is way less desirable than I am is killing it on there! Why not me?” (I didn’t say you were proud of the thought, just that you may be having it). But maybe it’s not actually about the person’s desirability; it’s about their dating app aptitude. We spoke to Dana Balch, consumer communications manager at Tinder, about information the dating app team has gathered on what makes a profile pop and entices people to swipe right.

online dating how to get a response

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Give ‘em a smile

This one may seem obvious, but anyone who has spent time on dating apps has come across the brooding individuals, or users withholding a smile in an attempt to look cool? Mysterious? Who knows. But, Balch notes, “If you smile, people assign much more positive traits to you. They assume you’re friendlier. You’re happier. You’re someone who likes having fun. Which are often things people are looking for in a relationship.”

online dating how to get a response

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The research is there

How important is it to smile and come off as friendly in your profile? Well, one study found that kindness is a top trait that young men look for in a female partner (after that it was physical attractiveness — which we saw coming). Other studies have found that warmth (which is depicted through a smile) and loyalty are also top priorities on singles’ lists when it comes to partner qualities. So, at the risk of sounding too much like a cat-calling creep on the street, “Smile more.”

online dating how to get a response

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You should be the focus

“Make sure your photos highlight you,” advises Balch. “A lot of people post group photos or too many group images. It’s best to really focus on images that have you front and center so people can get a sense for you.” Of course, if you want to post an image of you with friends to show that you do, in fact, have them, that can’t hurt. In fact, studies have found that the wife’s happiness is especially important to the overall happiness of a couple, and social relationships play a major role in our happiness. So it’s good to show you have friends.

online dating how to get a response

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Show your dog

If you want someone besides yourself to make a cameo in your photos, perhaps it should be Fido. Balch says dog photos tend to get a good response, and other experts agree. Studies show that having a dog makes someone happier, healthier, and more affectionate. And one study found that many people are more attracted to someone, after seeing them care for a dog.

online dating how to get a response

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Verify yourself

You know that little blue checkmark found on verified social media accounts? You can get one on Tinder, too. As part of a new suite of safety features the app is rolling out, they’ve added photo verification, which allows you to respond to a series of prompts asking for specific selfies. After you’ve completed the task, your account gets verified, so others looking at you can know you aren’t a catfish.

online dating how to get a response

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PS, catfishing is alive and well

If you think you can spot a catfish, you should know the statistics on individuals who admit having been catfished are staggering. And catfishing isn’t as simple as someone saying they’re a tall, thin woman when they’re actually a short, overweight boy. Research has found that the majority of online daters say at least one non-truth about themselves in their profiles. Even if it’s just part of a truth, like listing a height that’s one-inch-off. Translation: people are on the defense against catfish, so get yourself verified.

online dating how to get a response

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Use this new feature

Tinder recently added a new feature called “Interests.” You can pick from a selection of hobbies, interests, activities, and you can click five of them. They will now show up on your profile. “These allow a spark of conversation,” says Balch. The options are expansive, and new members are now required to add at least three to their profiles.

online dating how to get a response

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And this new feature

Tinder also recently released Prompts, an in-app feature that lets you answer questions or fill in the gaps in sentences to add information to their profile. It may be a simple fill-in-the-blank where you say “The key to your heart is fill in item here” (dogs? Pho noodles?) Though these pieces of information may not seem like insight into your soul, they let potential matches find similarities you may share, which studies find people often want in a partner.

online dating how to get a response

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Help them overcome shyness

With regards to the motivation behind the new Tinder features, Balch says “The idea is that people are less likely to swipe if they don’t know what they’d say next. These features give people the opportunity to see who you are and react to that.” So, much of adding info to your profile isn’t just to help you find a match, but also to help those matches facilitate conversation.

online dating how to get a response

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Keep bios short but sweet

When it comes to bios, Balch says go with anything over nothing. A blank bio could be the reason people swipe on by you. Adding something short and light-hearted that opens up a conversation and shows your personality is always a good way to go. “Even something as simple as ‘I piqued in kindergarten’ [is good because] it’s cute and funny. [It’s an] easy way to start a conversation and show your personality.”

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