Things Your Mother-In-Law Wants To See You Do
Source: kali9 / Getty
The relationship between a woman and her mother-in-law can be a complicated one. You want it to be a good one – you want that so badly. Your mother-in-law’s approval means the world to you. Fathers-in-law tend to be a bit easier at least with daughters-in-law. We all know that men can be very judgmental of the sons-in-law their daughters bring home. That’s a very different dynamic, as dads just feel very precious about their girls. But when men have sons, and those sons bring home girlfriends and fiances and wives, the dads are usually pretty accepting. They want to be polite, gentle, and kind to these women. They want to make them feel comfortable. Maybe they want to make them feel that way to make up for the difficult time they know the mother-in-law may give them. Women are just different that way. Moms are fiercely protective of their sons. When their sons bring a woman home, they see that woman as trying to take their place. And they’re not necessarily opposed to some woman beside themselves taking care of their son, as they can’t be there themselves for him all of the time. But that woman must be, well, basically perfect. The mother isn’t handing the torch off to just anybody. Here are things your mother-in-law wants to see you do.
Source: DjelicS / Getty
Don’t indulge his tantrums
Your partner may throw tantrums sometimes. Everybody knows how he can get. There are things about which he can be quite difficult – perhaps still a bit of a baby. Your mother-in-law doesn’t want to see you indulging these, bending over backward to enable childish behavior. She wants you to make her son a better man, and show him these tantrums aren’t okay.
Source: PeopleImages / Getty
But handle them with care
Of course, you should always handle your partner’s tantrums with care. Don’t just harshly walk out on him until he’s done behaving that way or call him mean names. His mom wants to see you handle this with grace. She wants to see you find smart ways to point out how he’s behaving, while still showing love and using a kind tone.
Source: skynesher / Getty
Make him laugh
She wants to see that you two laugh together! So don’t get so wound up worrying about being the perfect housekeeper/chef/nurse to her son that you forget to still be his friend. Any mom wants to see that her son is happy and that he and his partner have a playful dynamic. Everyone knows laughter is an important element in a long-lasting relationship. On that note, don’t be afraid to make your mother-in-law laugh. Just make sure you understand her humor, first.
Source: MesquitaFMS / Getty
Be affectionate
You obviously won’t climb on top of him and make out with him during the family dinner or game night. But your mother-in-law wants to see that her son receives regular affection, much like she gives him. She wants to see you hugging her son, holding his hand, playing with his hair, and just showing him sweet forms of affection.
Source: valentinrussanov / Getty
Random acts of kindness
You know those little things that mothers would do. Like, bring over a cookie and a glass of milk, just because. Or do some of his laundry because you were doing a load anyways. Or give him a neck rub when he’s stressed and working. You make him a snack while he’s working. You bring him home his favorite ice cream, just because.
Source: PeopleImages / Getty
Aim to make tough times easier
In a relationship, both partners should aim to make life easier for the other when they can, especially during difficult times. So if your partner has been having a hard time sleeping, your mother-in-law loves to see that you ask people in the house to keep it down while he is trying to sleep. Or if he’s been under a lot of stress and a particular topic could trigger him, she likes seeing that you take his mind off that.
Source: SDI Productions / Getty
Stand up to him
Your mother-in-law doesn’t want your partner to be the boss of you. She wants to see that you respect yourself, have confidence, have your own opinions, and don’t stand for any BS. So, when your partner is a little cold with you or a little rude to you, she wants to see you say something about it. That’s what she does when he’s disrespectful.
Source: jeffbergen / Getty
But don’t bully him
Of course, she doesn’t want to see her son bullied. Letting a man know when he’s stepped out of line is very different from constantly looking for things to criticize him for, putting him on edge, and making him feel like he’s in the presence of a drill sergeant. Your mother-in-law doesn’t want to see that her son is afraid to be himself around you.
Source: jeffbergen / Getty
Help him see the errors in his ways
Like I said, your mother-in-law wants to see that you help her son be a better man. Maybe he has some critical flaws that hold him back in life. He cuts people out too fast. He’s a bit stubborn. He can be nearsighted. He is impulsive. Whatever it is, your mother-in-law will love to see that you’ve found ways to finesse those out of him.
Source: Dean Mitchell / Getty
But also compliment him
You don’t only want to point out his flaws, of course. His mom wants to see that you praise and compliment her son, too. She wants to see that you do love him, after all, and that you recognize all the wonderful things about him that she sees in him – in fact, that she probably takes some credit for.
Source: vitapix / Getty
Take an interest in her life
Don’t forget to nurture that one-on-one relationship with your mother-in-law. She is, after all, besides a mother and a wife a woman. She experiences all of the things you do. Fears, insecurities, sexism, hope, dreams, a love of certain shows and shops and experiences. Appreciation for a good spa day. Don’t forget to ask her to do things one-on-one with you, and ask about her life.
Source: kali9 / Getty
Share with her about your life
Share about your life, too. She wants to know who you are as an individual, and not just as her son’s partner. She wants to know about your interests, your struggles, your childhood, your fears, your dreams, and more. In fact, you do yourself a favor by sharing these with her, as it can give you more leeway in her eyes when you mess up – at least she understands you better.
Source: Erik Isakson / Getty
Be kind to your own parents
Naturally, your mother-in-law wants to see that you’re nice to your parents! If she sees you disrespect your parents, it’s hard for her to believe that you aren’t being fake when you’re nice to her. All parents want their kids to end up with people who respect their elders. So speak in a complimentary manner about your parents, even if your relationship with them is complicated.
Source: PeopleImages / Getty
Care for him when he’s sick
When your man is sick, his mom needs to know that you care for him. That’s mama bear instinct. If it were her taking care of him, she’d be watching over him every second and not letting him lift a finger and constantly bringing him remedies. Remember that. And know that she needs to see that from you if she’s going to feel comfortable handing you the reins here.
Source: valentinrussanov / Getty
Make a nice home
She takes great care to provide a nice home for her son. She keeps it clean. She keeps the fridge stocked. She has nice photos of the family and loved ones up. She decorates it. She makes it feel homey. She wants to see that you do that for her son, too. Not all household chores should fall on you, but she certainly doesn’t want to see you being a slob.
