Do you ever look back at some of your relationships, flings, and hookups and realize, “Oooh. That guy was an a$$hole?” We’re all just fumbling around in our younger years. We find what we like by experiencing what we don’t like. We learn what a good guy looks like by suffering through some bad guys. It’s really the only way. It sucks, and it means having some sexual experiences that are pretty crumby.
As women, we’re told men can’t help themselves. That men have tunnel vision about sex. That men don’t even use their brains when they’re having sex. That men think with their dicks. And things like that. So, we can, in our younger years, forgive some sexual behavior thinking, “Ah, they can’t help themselves.” But then, we get older. We meet a good man who cares about us and doesn’t do that type of sh*t in bed. And realize that all of those other men who claimed they couldn’t help themselves were lying—and were terrible people. Or just didn’t care about us.
Don’t separate sex from everything else. How a man is in bed says a lot about who he is out of it. A man who wants to protect you in life will be caring in bed. Even if he seems so sweet right now, if he’s doing some weird or inconsiderate stuff under the sheets, some weird and inconsiderate behaviors will come up in every area of that relationship. Trust me. Here are things a man who cares about you will never do in bed.
Refuse to switch positions
When you tell them a position isn’t working for you, or is making your knees uncomfortable, or is putting strain on your arms, and they say insist you stay put because it’s working for them. Or when you say, “I can only orgasm in this position—can we do that?” and they say they don’t really like that one. As if they won’t finish in basically any position. Come on.