Relationships Don’t Fall Apart; They Fade Away Slowly Like This

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long term relationships problems

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My partner and I have been handling a lot of administrative tasks lately because we’ve been in the process of purchasing our first home together. It’s funny because, we went into the process so excited about building our lives together and the whole thing—the calls with lenders and meetings with our realtor—has just caused us to feel a bit distant. I became adamant that we have a proper date night—no distractions, no inviting other people to hang out, no cutting it short due to other obligations—or else I feared our relationship would fall apart. “Hey, we’re fine” my partner assured me, “It’s not like anything bad has happened.” He was right. Nothing outright bad had happened. Nobody had cheated or betrayed the other in some horrible way. Really all that had happened was that we’d been so wrapped up in the mortgage process, that all of our free time was spent speaking to each other like business associates rather than boyfriend and girlfriend and the playfulness had just…left the building. But that’s the thing: that’s how relationships fall apart. It’s rarely due to some unforeseen, earth-shattering event that turned the whole relationship upside down. Relationships don’t actually even really fall apart, in one fell swoop. Instead, they fade away slowly. My boyfriend believed we’ll always be fine so long as nothing bad happens, but I had to explain to him that, that’s not the case. Relationships expire when the people involved stop doing the many good things that must occur to keep the bond strong and the excitement alive. It’s this very idea—that so long as nothing bad happens, you’ll be fine—that makes couples so fragile. It puts them at risk for taking the relationship for granted and believing everything is fine, simply because it isn’t bad. But relationships don’t abruptly end: they fade away slowly, like this.


You only talk house stuff

The home takes over your life, and all of the little tasks and errands and problems that come with it. All those conversations about who researched plumbers and what rate they got and are they sure that’s the best one and also we’re out of toilet paper I asked you to buy some twice already and I can’t wait here for the Internet person tomorrow I have an appointment why can’t you wait here? Then it’s bedtime, and that’s all you spoke about.

Or money stuff

Money talk can also consume your conversations. You have to talk about money because it’s a pretty big part of life, but you talk about it too much. Which account to invest that money in, how to ask for that raise, how to negotiate the rent increase with the landlord, higher deductibles versus lower monthly payments etc., etc. You can start to feel like you’re the payroll department of a business rather than lovers.

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