All Articles Tagged "social media"
Yesterday, we, along with several other media outlets, wrote about the alleged cheating scandal between R&B singer Kehlani, fellow artist PartyNextDoor and NBA basketball player Kyrie Irving. What was once juicy and sensational, took a very real, very nasty turn as people used what they thought the story was, to attack Kehlani and her character.
When I wrote about the whole thing yesterday, I specifically mentioned the fact that I hoped she had positive, uplifting people around her. While people may try to make light of it, there is something so soul crushing about being berated and belittled by people who never have and likely never will meet you.
Unfortunately, yesterday all of the backlash got to her. And she posted an image on Instagram explaining how she tried to take her own life.
Later, she posted another image of the man she creates for saving her.
And then, lastly she offered even more of an explanation about what happened in her relationship with both Kyrie and PartyNextDoor.
A photo posted by The Shade Room (@theshaderoominc) on
You would think that Kehlani opening up about her feelings regarding the situation might elicit some type of sympathy. For some it has but there are still those who believe this is a way to get attention or to make people feel sorry for her, in light of what they perceived as mistakes. Trolls gonna troll. And I hope Kehlani really does distance herself from social media as she attempts to heal.
In the meantime, there have been well-wishes too. From the likes of Karrine Steffans, (Who’s currently going through her own drama.), to Erica Campbell.
See what they had to say below.
All of this b/c MAYBE she fucked whoever she wanted? Slut shaming drives women to suicide often. Ya'll gotta stop. pic.twitter.com/k34r14I6m0
— Mrs. Karrine Short (@karrineandco) March 29, 2016
I don’t usually do this. I don’t even know this pretty girl or the details of her situation but I saw her post about her suicide attempt. @kehlani yes God saved your life for a reason sweet heart! I’m praying God surround you with his love and his peace. Everything is gonna be alright cause when you search for God you will find him! You Are Loved! Sending Love & Blessings to you #kehlani 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽❤️❤️❤️
We’re praying for Kehlani and wishing her the best.
There are few things more engaging, informative and entertaining than a gathering of intelligent Black people. This past weekend, I trekked from Harlem to Brooklyn to attend such a gathering. And as usual, I was not disappointed. We talked about racial tensions at our alma mater that had finally come to a head, bad dates, HBCUs vs. PWIs, and most interestingly, the intersection of social media and our past lives.
What started off as talk of 10-year-high school reunions turned into a discussion about how social media has granted us access to information we never would have known in the past and arguably, might not need to know today. We talked about the fact that you know not only the relationship status but even the inner workings of said relationships because of Facebook or Twitter. We know how many children someone has had since we graduated high school. And the odd couple from college who got married suddenly.
And perhaps most interestingly, we know, for better or worse, what our exes have been doing since we parted ways.
It was then that my friend from college shared a very interesting story.
Like so many of us, after the breakup she decided to remain Facebook friends with her ex. The two dated two-three years ago and recently, he just so happened to pop up on her newsfeed. She learned that since the last time she’d checked; not only had he gotten married, his wife had recently given birth to a baby girl. Babies are always blessings, so she liked the picture of the little girl and then kept scrolling to find out more information.
After a few scrolls, she found that the little girl had a very interesting name, her name.
Now, for clarification purposes, let me just not that my friend’s name is not Ashley, Kate or Sarah. It’s quite unique and quite Afrocentric. For the sake of anonymity, I won’t use her real name but think along the lines of Fatima.
Most of us, American born Black folk, don’t meet too many Fatimas in our life times. And interestingly enough, her boyfriend wasn’t even American Black. He was Latino and White. So, I would assume that he too hadn’t run into too many Fatimas during his day either.
But after dating a Fatima, for just about a year, he decided that it would be a suitable name for his daughter, something he and his wife would call her for the rest of her life. My friend “Fatima” who had liked the picture of the girl, quickly scrolled back up to remove her like, not wanting to cause any strife in her ex’s household. Imagine what his wife would think to see Fatima liking a picture of her daughter Fatima on her husband’s page. Obviously, since she’s his Facebook friend she would know the two had some type of connection. And Fatima reasoned that if he hadn’t told his wife about the inspiration behind their daughter’s name, she didn’t want to be the one to expose it and cause any tension in their household.
While my friend said a part of her was a bit flattered by the name choice, she also found it exceptionally weird and inappropriate. (I leaned more toward the latter sentiment.) Maybe he just really liked the meaning of Fatima. And maybe we’re all just a little too self centered to see that some people are big enough to disassociate the name from the memories they have with and of a particular person. Still, there’s something strange about calling your daughter by the name of your former romantic partner.
What do you think about naming a child after an ex? Does it mean that they’re not over you and want to honor you in some way? Or does it just meant that they happened to like the name? Also, if you were to discover that your husband named your child after one of his exes, what would you do?
We’ve talked in the past about how petty it is or isn’t to allow social media happenings to put a dent in your relationship. But who are we kidding? It’s 2016, and social media plays a significant role in the way we communicate and operate. Therefore, it’s no surprise that our habits online can affect our companions.
For instance, we received a message in the MN email from a woman wondering whether or not she was overreacting for being bothered by her long-term boyfriend’s failures to share images of her, or even of them together, on his social media. Specifically, his Instagram. “We’ve taken studio family photos together that I’ve posted on Instagram and Facebook. But when I go to his pages, he doesn’t put them up,” she said. “It would be one thing if he didn’t really use his accounts like that, but he posts random sh-t almost daily. It’s disrespectful.”
She went on to say that he might share an image of her if they’ve taken a photo with his friends or with members of his family at special events (a.k.a., group photos), but nothing about them as a couple, no pictures of their child, no birthday shoutouts or anniversary love. She doesn’t get it.
She has asked him why he, in her mind, tries to hide her and their daughter, but he just says that he doesn’t want to put too much of his private life out there. The way he sees it, not only is it no one’s business, but it could be “dangerous.”
I mean, not everyone is a big fan of putting their children out there or their spouses. But there’s something weird about that when you’re willing to expose so much else about yourself. Could he be attempting to paint a single image of himself?
But a lot of people do it. Like famous rappers for instance. Despite having had a television show featuring his wife and kids, T.I. rarely posts any pictures of Tiny. Out of all those images from their baby shower, he only posted one on Instagram, and it was of himself with Tiny and all their children. And that maternity shot Tiny shared last week? He didn’t put it up.
And then there’s Fabolous, who we all know is in a relationship with Emily Bustamante. And we are aware from her time on Love and Hip Hop that it took him forever to claim her publicly. And yet, after two kids, years together and more, he also rarely shares images of himself with her. And when he does, the captions are aimed more at those who question the lopsided nature of their relationship, than they are about her and his love and affection for her.
Maybe Tip and Fab are just trying to hold on to the image they try and convey in their music, which is that they’re available. But considering that we all know good and well they’re not, and that they post multiple times a day on social media, it’s always been a little weird that the leading ladies in their lives aren’t really featured on their accounts.
In everyday life, though, some men just aren’t that open about a lot of personal stuff, and I can understand that. Not every woman is sharing a picture of her significant other consistently either. Some people just don’t believe that type of stuff needs to be put on public display for folks to see and pick apart. And maybe, in the minds of those who keep their personal relationships out of public view, it’s more important that a significant other knows that they’re part of the bigger picture than to hold so much value in being front and center in an Instagram picture. So what I’m trying to say is no, I don’t think this situation is worth questioning your relationship over. Because it’s important for those who matter to know who you love, not the world.
However, it is interesting when only one party in a relationship is open, publicly that is, about the love they have for the other. Of course, that doesn’t mean the other party doesn’t love them too, or is living foul. But it sucks that the person who has held you down, and in this woman’s case, brought your child into the world, can’t get some acknowledgement. And yet, your car, your new shoes, and the errands you run, can…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. Is it petty that he doesn’t post pictures of her on social media? Or is it petty that she’s upset by it?
It’s a new day. We live in the age of information. The kids these days don’t know about encyclopedias or libraries. They have Google, Wikipedia, and Media Take Out to name a few. If a parent implements parental controls in the home and/or decides to delay communication about worldly affairs, children these days have immediate access to additional resources sans filters.
Censorship is a joke these days. Even daytime television depicts sex vividly and serves as freeway for every expletive except the F-bomb.
What are we as parents suppose to do? How do we help our children manage the data dump of information they are forced to engage daily? How do we protect their “innocence” and prepare them for life?
This is a quagmire to say the least.
Situations like Kim Fields of The Real Housewives of Atlanta abruptly exiting a meeting with an elected official due to the topic of gun-violence are on one end of the spectrum. This we will call, the bubble— waiting to be popped. On the other hand, we have celebrity children like Blue Ivy and North West making appearances in music videos and at entertainment events traditionally inappropriate for young minds from a content standpoint. Excessive?
Where is the balance?
If a parent sets up passwords in the home to restrict Internet access and television programming, what stops a child from accessing said content via their friend’s smartphone or computing device? And what are we trying to protect our kids from anyway?
Gun violence in America is a real issue. All of us should be aware of this, especially, when we combat threats like Newtown.
Sex, body awareness, and intimacy are very relevant matters to be aware of as a human being. We are born with vaginas and penises. Who decided we should learn about them at 21?
Profanity? What’s that? Who deemed certain words offensive, and why would we ever give a word so much power? What does F**K mean anyway?
There are many ways to approach this very important responsibility of early childhood development. What we expose our children to early on in life (up to age five) lays the foundation for how they interact with the world until they are no more. Or maybe it is how we expose them to life?
Why have we chosen to delay teaching our children about real life matters until adulthood after their mental development has peaked?
Would it not behoove us to stuff their minds with as much information as possible during their first five years of life? This would create an atmosphere of innovation and new developments during their formal education.
Most of the people we deem to be very successful were exposed to their passions, interests, and/or purposeful traumas very early on. Maya Angelou became a household name when she wrote a book about how exposure to rape and murder at an early age birthed her passion for words. Michael Jackson began studying controversial artists like James Brown before he was ten. Oprah was a teenage mother.
This is not to advocate for traumatizing your children in order to propel them into greatness. On the contrary, this is about passing down wisdom sooner than later in an effort to accelerate your child’s growth trajectory.
“It took me 26 years to find my path, my only job is to cut the time in half?” – Jay Z
What are we waiting for? No one is promised tomorrow. We have to seize each day. If you became a teen mom at 15, your child needs sex education at seven. Just like chronic disease screenings, we need to be proactive about preparing our children for life.
Do you know that Generation Y is the first set of Americans projected not to progress further than their parents? “Millennials (and some of Gen X) have had less access to full-time jobs and wealth than previous cohorts.” – Forbes
At the end of the day, every child is different. We, as parents, must discern what our child is ready to tackle from an accountability and awareness standpoint.
But the sign of the times is, “when you know better you better.” – Maya Angelou
With our guidance into full knowledge instead of away from it, our children will be better equipped for greatness instead of living on our couches at 29 afraid of the world outside.
Clarissa Joan is a spiritual life coach and editor-in-chief of The Clarissa Joan Experience. She resides in Philadelphia with her husband, their two girls, and a yorkie named Ace. Clarissa is also an expert in impact investing.
I always chuckle at those memes and Instagram videos about people trying to lay claim to your best friend. This one is my favorite.
In my mature mind, I know that I’m not my friend’s only friend. I know that, especially with us living in different cities, that there are going to be times when we surround ourselves and socialize with other people. I just want everyone else to know their role and fall in line…behind me. Particularly if that role is nonexistent and it’s becoming painfully clear that you’re trying to force a relationship that never existed in the first place.
If you can’t tell by now, this is personal. And in my crunkness, I might have gotten a little ahead of myself, so allow me to explain. After years, over a decade of going back and forth with one another, my “ex” and I “broke up,” years ago. And we’ve both moved on. I unfriended and unfollowed. And I assume he did the same. We don’t communicate with one another at all and we’re both seeing new people. In the words of our Lord and Savior, in this here Lenten season, “It is finished.”
Interestingly enough, when our relationship ended, he seemed like he started a campaign to reach out to the people around me. He visited my mother at her job, her own business. Friended my father on Facebook. Weird but I didn’t think too much of it. My parents are mine. Their loyalty will always be with me. It’s a biological bond that can’t be broken. Plus, I know my dad always had his reservations.
But what did bother me was his perpetual, consistent interaction with my best friend. Like my father, my best friend also had her reservations about dude. And while I was the one who was always trying to point out the ways in which the two were shockingly similar, I don’t think they ever had a single real life conversation with one another. Yet, that didn’t stop him from liking, commenting, questioning and otherwise engaging with far too many of her social media posts.
If she writes about contemplating changing her hair style, he has a comment. If she references her moods, he inquires about how she’s feeling. He responds, with pictures, to her pop culture discussions. My friend is not rude so she responds. And while I would like to look at their social media friendship fondly, I just find it exceptionally strange.
Like my father, I don’t believe he has the potential to compromise our relationship. We have an amazing bond, which he couldn’t even begin to understand. In fact, we’ve talked about the weirdness of his frequent reaching out. And I think that’s what makes it so strange. It’s like him trying to encroach on a relationship he didn’t put in the work to build, something he couldn’t even begin to understand.
Could this be me being overprotective of my friend and skeptical of ole boy. Perhaps. But how many people try to develop a relationship with the best friend once a romantic situation ends?
By Britni Danielle
Publicly shaming children, especially on social media, is nothing new. If you’re on Facebook you probably saw the young boy with his hair cut to look like an old man’s receding hairline. The message? Stop acting grown. There was also the dad that pumped bullets into his daughter’s laptop after the teen went on an expletive-filled Facebook rant about her parents, and the other mom that beat her kid with a belt and set up a camera to record it all.
Last year, a video of dad viciously beating his teen daughter for allegedly running away to hang out with boys went viral. Many gave the dad props for teaching the young woman a lesson, but between the hair pulling and name-calling, all I saw was abuse.
As a parent, I understand why some attempt to shame their children into acting right. Many times they’re frustrated and embarrassed by their children’s actions. And sometimes they just don’t know what else to do.
At times, parenting feels impossibly hard, but using shame as a discipline tactic just doesn’t work either.
While parents think publicly embarrassing their child will make them change their behavior, it instead causes many kids to become angry and resentful. And though certain behaviors may temporarily go away, using shame as a method of keeping children in line may backfire in the long run.
Best-selling author and shame researcher Dr. Brené Brown argues:
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” Moreover, she says “shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure” because it disconnects us from others, which “can make us dangerous.”
Being a parent means trying to help our children be the best people they can be, and sometimes that means calling them out on their negative behaviors. But falling back on antiquated ideas of using shame and/or abuse to get kids to do the right thing isn’t exactly helpful.
While it may be funny, and temporarily effective, to put your child on blast on social media, the long-term risks of belittling them in front of the entire world—forever—may just do more harm than good.
Mamas, what alternative ways are you using for discipline?
For years now, I had slowly but surely started to grow weary of social media. I had all but abandoned my Twitter and Facebook page, only keeping them for work purposes, and refused to try most of the new apps that everyone was raving about. The only social media I didn’t give the cold shoulder in the same manner was Instagram. And yet, certain profiles, certain former classmates, certain things, started to rub me the wrong way.
I felt as though there were too many negative things penetrating my spirit on a daily basis, causing me, in turn, to be and feel negative. So, I logged off of just about everything and, to this day, continue to be on an indefinite pause. And you know what? I feel more at peace. It was a move that made sense to me. Especially since those who know me know that I always say, “The Internet is the worst thing to happen to people.” And after reading about what happened to a young woman and writer named Danielle “Jazz” Noel, I’m reminded that I was right about that.
She took part in what was supposed to be a fun and funny Elite Daily video (sponsored by T-Mobile) where a few pair of exes go through one another’s phones. But instead of focusing on the humor, people zeroed in on Noel’s looks. Specifically, Black men and women. Some called her everything from “gorilla” to “unattractive” and “ugly.” Noel shared her thoughts on how everything went left, and why she believed that happened, on Afropunk.com:
Colorism and bashing of black features is nothing new to me. I’ve experienced its effects my entire life whether dealing with extended family, or children at school…But social media and the internet, as a whole, is a dangerous and evolutionary means of bullying.
The lack of face-to-face interaction allows for those who would normally remain quiet—in fear of facing any consequences—to rapidly spread hate from behind a computer screen. Herein lies the danger of cyberbullying: Many of those attacking me for being born this way are really dealing with their own inferiority complexes unbeknownst to them, and gain a false sense of superiority by trying to make me feel like less of a person. But whereas, in the past, bullies might have handled the issues with a fight, discussion or something that made both parties reflect on either their actions or reactions; bullies on the internet have [sic] face little accountability for their words. With lack of accountability, they’re less likely to reflect on what caused them to be so cruel, which prevents them from ever looking on the inside to get to know themselves and understand their own hurt. Essentially, social media cyberbullying has ushered in a dangerous evolution of self-hate.
Noel would go on to say that, thankfully, her core family members had encouraged her to love herself and her features, and would help her be “very comfortable in my skin, and prefer my nose, lips and any other feature that makes me, me.” So, she had nothing to offer her unwarranted detractors but pity, because it’s clear they’re facing an internal struggle. What struck me about her response to the disdainful slander was her statement that “social media cyberbullying has ushered in a dangerous evolution of self-hate.” I agree with that. Because there has to be something off within a person to call a complete stranger “ugly,” a “gorilla,” or a “b-tch” on a public forum. What can someone do with that information? Change their face? Go into hiding to make you feel better? I think not.
And I get it. We are all entitled to our opinions. I’m sure we’ve all had less than pleasant ones about everything and everybody. But there’s a difference between what pops into your mind and what comes out of your mouth–or better yet, what you choose to take the time to type out and share with the world. And I’m not referring to trolls. They’ve obviously made it their goal in life to be nasty. Don’t feed ’em. Rather, I’m talking about you and me.
And this is exactly why I had to get away from social media. I truly believe that it’s brought out the worst in a lot of people. It’s created the type of individuals who can’t look at an image without trying to figure out what’s wrong with it. Who can’t wait to be that one dissenting opinion that has to point out trivialities in the hopes that they’ll get kudos for being “different.” Who get on social media and complain about stories they haven’t read, people they don’t know from Adam, and to serve attitude on a cold plate to people just because they don’t agree with them. Somehow, by throwing darts at people from a place of anonymity, we’ve tried to disguise even the ugliest of statements as merely an “opinion” some people are just too sensitive to hear. And if someone disagrees with us in a similar tart fashion, then we have the gall to deem them the “ignorant,” “unprofessional,” “bitter,” “disrespectful” one. Hey, don’t start none, won’t be none.
I know all this because I fed into that crap. I let gossip site pages pull me into negative conversations at someone else’s expense, knowing full well the seat of my pants was on fire come Sunday morning because I felt like crap about the way I treated others. I was a follower, following the lead of strangers in saying any ol’ thing. It’s still something I’m working on fixing.
I made the realization that social media was taking away my sense of peace. I noticed the ways in which people tried to crack even the most confident of people. I saw the ways in which they, and even myself, were, in a way, being bullies. Once I felt all that penetrating my spirit negatively, I realized it was something I had to get away from.
Would you admit that you have found yourself saying and doing some less than positive things on social media, all because nobody who knows you could hold you accountable for them? If so, you might just benefit from a similar social media sabbatical. And if not, you can always just remember the age-old adage that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. And that, is a lesson too many of us fail to heed.
If you’re wondering where the #ObamaAndKids ‘movement’–where folks are sharing photos of President Obama playing with, sharing special moments and just being his cool self with kids–came from, it all started when White House photographer Pete Souza shared this extraordinary photo of President Obama greeting Clark Reynolds, 3, at an event celebrating Black History month. Then, in recognition of Black History Month, and in celebration of our country’s first Black president, Michael Skolnik—entrepreneur, activist and storyteller—started a simple hashtag #ObamaAndKids.
“I was sitting on my couch, early in the morning, with my soon-to-be three year old son, Mateo Ali, on my lap. We were doing what we do every Saturday morning, watching cartoons, eating bagels and drinking coco verde (coconut water — he speaks Spanish too). As I was flipping through my morning routine on my phone, I came across Pete Souza’s photo of the young boy from the Black History Month celebration. With my son in my arms, I couldn’t help to think about the impact President Obama will have on my son. A young boy, named Mateo Ali Skolnik, whose generation has been forever changed by the presidency of a man named, Barack Hussein Obama. And then I started thinking about all of the other children in this country, and what it means for them. What it means for them to have this president, at this time, leading this country through this incredibly difficult transition. I wish my son understood this, but he was too concerned with his cartoons and getting as much cream cheese as he could on his face.”
These heartwarming pictures tell a story.
They represent progress.
With all of the racial turmoil going on in our country, this youngest generation that grew up with a Black president in office carry with them a different perspective. They are seeing what is and hopefully will be part of the change for better in what could and should be not only in this country, but in this world.
Check out a few of our favorite photos below, and you’ll see why we were captivated by #ObamaAndKids.
— Nerdy Wonka (@NerdyWonka) February 20, 2016
— DJ Styles (@somanystyles) February 20, 2016
— IG|@USEmbassyNairobi (@USEmbassyKenya) February 21, 2016
— Mae Denver (@MaeDenver) February 20, 2016
— Nerdy Wonka (@NerdyWonka) February 20, 2016
— Lauren Chief Elk (@ChiefElk) February 20, 2016
— Sinorice Moss (@sinoricemoss) February 20, 2016
Ever since I began photographing then Sen. Obama in 2005, I've tried to keep my eye on how people react to him. Yesterday, at the town hall in Baton Rouge, I noticed this young girl in the audience. I hope she vividly remembers this day so that someday she can tell her kids that she saw, and later shook hands with, the President of the United States when he came to town.
— Dave Reid (@Dav3403) February 20, 2016
— Janine Kube (@KubeJ9) February 20, 2016
It's that time of the year when I'm frantically editing for my annual Year in Photos. There are so many fun photos of the President with babies or little kids that I'm having trouble just whittling those down. Here are two that I'm considering but both probably won't make it in. Which do you prefer: top or bottom?
— ObamaAndKids (@ObamaAndKids) February 20, 2016
— ObamaAndKids (@ObamaAndKids) February 22, 2016
— ObamaAndKids (@ObamaAndKids) February 22, 2016
— Martial Sneh (@je_mc2) February 21, 2016
— ObamaAndKids (@ObamaAndKids) February 22, 2016
— ObamaAndKids (@ObamaAndKids) February 21, 2016
— Epum Michael (@MichaelEpum) February 20, 2016
— US Embassy Ghana (@USEmbassyGhana) February 20, 2016
— StereoCultureSociety (@CultureInStereo) February 20, 2016
— IG: yanela_frans (@Yanela_Frans) February 21, 2016
— ObamaAndKids (@ObamaAndKids) February 21, 2016
Yep, even Michelle Obama shared her favorite:
— The First Lady (@FLOTUS) February 20, 2016
We can’t get enough, which is your favorite picture of Obama And Kids?
Reader Submission By Kenya Jael
Dating in the millennial age comes with a unique set of challenges thanks, as we all know, to social media. Facebook, Instagram and Twitter make it ten times more difficult to get over your ex, which is why this is the repeated discussion my girlfriends and I have on nights we are in our feelings about the latest Facebook post that’s made our heart drop.
“Girl, do not let him get to you!”
“You know he only posted that pic to make you mad”
“Let’s go out tonight so I can take some pics and look hot, because I have the perfect caption!”
Often this is how the conversation would go between my friends and I when I was going through a break up, until now. My feelings and view of this type of banter changed when I was venting to my friend about my ex and how he was “sliding in my DM’s” trying to see how I was doing. She responded with, “Girl, he does not deserve a window seat into your life! Ignore him and delete him from your friends!” Sometimes you hear things and it just makes sense; you have that unforgettable “Ah-ha moment” and it all comes together. This was mine, and I realized all this time that is exactly what I had been giving my ex: A window seat view into my life.
By continuing to be friends with my ex on social media, I was allowing him to still have a clear view of how I was doing, what I was doing, where I was going, when I was doing good and when I was not doing so good. He was able to take pleasure in my ups and downs as if he was still a part of my life. So I deleted him from all of my pages, and although I initially found myself occasionally searching for him and lurking on his page, I eventually got over it and he became a distant memory.
The window seat leaves an open door for your ex to weasel back into your life. It leaves the idea of a “possibility,” and although we may only remain friends with our exes on social media to make them see we are living life better without them, we are secretly telling them it’s okay to inbox us and reminiscence about our past relationship. A trip down memory lane can lead you finding your way back to something that is familiar, convenient and no longer good for you: your ex.
Not only are we leaving the back door open, we are also telling the ex that we are still holding on to a piece of them. We all creep on an ex’s page from time to time and the ex knows it. It’s a never-ending cycle, and although we may not care about the ex anymore, remaining friends allows the assumption that we still do care what is going on in their lives. We begin to believe they are sending subliminal messages to us through posts, making ourselves feel like we are still that important in their lives.
It can also place issues within your current relationship (if you are in one). So many issues arise from liking and commenting on an ex’s post or picture when you have supposedly moved on. Social media has created an illusion of options people feel they have when it comes to dating. Remaining friends with an ex on social media can make it easier for you to fall back in the arms of an ex when you are having problems in your current relationship. It’s like your ex will slide in your inbox as soon as it appears you are having problems in your relationship — how convenient.
Millennial dating is nontraditional, and unfortunately social media plays a huge part in the dating world now. It is important for us to remember that in order to move on we must leave the past in the past. Exes are good for one thing only: lessons. Therefore we must take what we have learned, bottle it up, and store it in the back of our minds to apply it to our next situation. If you were to ask me should you be friends with an ex on social media, my answer would be, only if your heart can take it.
Kenya Jael is a Registered Nurse, mother and writer from Baltimore, MD. She graduated from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro in 2009 on a mission to pursue a career in healthcare as a Registered Nurse. Although she loves nursing and finds great pleasure in it, writing is her true passion and purpose in life. She’s blessed to have discovered this and well as the courage to make her dreams a reality as a writer and blogger. Her motto is “Live in your truth.”
My last relationship was so hard to let go because we were always off and on. And even when we were off, we somehow ended up being friends…which would eventually turn in to us being on again. It was a cyclical mess. But either way, when I was playing the friend role, before I came to the realization that our communication was rather inappropriate, I heard plenty of stories about his current girlfriend.
Mostly bad stories about how he wanted to be out but could never find the strength to do it. Read: Homegirl put it on him and he couldn’t make it out. Anyway, with all this knowledge about her, I had to see what she looked like. Had to. Who was this sex goddess? These days, all it takes is a name and a mutual friend on any social media channel, this one just so happened to be Facebook, and you can learn someone’s whole life story. More than what I already knew about her. So of course when I found her profile, there were questions I hope the pictures would answer. I wanted to see if he had a type. He didn’t. All of his girlfriends looked drastically different. I wanted to see if she was cute. She was aight. And I wanted to see if there was any signs of crazy. She looked pleasant enough.
A part of me felt a tad bad about stalking. But hmmm not that bad.
Plus, I know I’m not the only one. There’s even a meme for it.
So many of my friends and associates have talked about wanting to see what the ex looks like, wanting to know what type of person she is. Clicking through her Facebook or scrolling through her Instagram, analyzing her fashion choices, trying to figure out what it was he once saw in her. As long as you don’t slip up and accidentally like an Instagram picture, I really see no down side in all of this, just a collection of information.
I guess things can get a little sticky if you’re feeling a little insecure and his ex happens to be a banger. But at the end of the day, you can always tell yourself that he chose you. There was something that didn’t make them a good fit for one another. Then all of those worries have to flee.
Have you ever done research on your man’s ex? Is there anything wrong with traveling down this rabbit hole?