All Articles Tagged "social media"

Does This Picture Make You Feel A Way?

September 30th, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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There’s a picture of a newly married Black couple circulating the internet that has garnered quite a bit of attention. It’s not your average wedding photo. In it, the groom is palming, grabbing, squeezing, groping the hell out of his new wife’s behind.

I mean, this dude is so deeply concentrated on her booty, that his eyes are virtually closed. And then there’s the very sweet and romantic caption that accompanies it.

“I had this crush on this girl that sat behind me in biology 6 years ago, today I married her.”

As you might imagine, the image hasn’t received more than 26 thousand retweets because their love story is one for the ages. It’s the booty grab that has people in their feelings.

Here’s what some people had to say.

Not when my mother is alive

This harlot word is the one I want to discuss a bit. It’s so interesting to me that people’s expectations of women are so narrow and limited. Society likes to put women in one of two boxes, wholesome or whorish. And the cognitive dissonance that occurs when a woman represents herself or allows herself to be represented as both simultaneously, almost causes people’s minds to explode. And I say it’s interesting because the assumption is that most married couples have sex. In fact, wedding guests can almost guarantee that the very couple who they’re watching smile for pictures, cut the cake and slow dance; will, in a matter of hours, be having sex. Whether people want to acknowledge these facts doesn’t make them any more or less true. Perhaps folks don’t like being confronted with images they don’t like to consider. There’s the argument that by taking this picture he turned his wife into a sex object. As if, without his hand on her behind, she never had the potential to be that and so much more.

There are those who will argue that since she is a sex object for her particular man, they shouldn’t send this image out on social media. That’s a valid opinion but social media is all about sharing thoughts, opinions, and images of ourselves. And if she wanted to share just a tidbit of her sexuality with the world, I really don’t see the problem. Then again, what constitutes an overshare to me and what is an overshare to you is a matter of preference. Apparently, to this bride, this picture was not.

There are those who thought the sweet caption and the sexual picture didn’t exactly mesh. That thought, the fact that sentimental and sex don’t go hand in hand reminded me of a conversation I had with my mother and aunt. We were talking about sex in the confines of a marriage. I don’t know how the conversation took this particular turn; but I think I mentioned something about whores or feeling like a whore in reference to sexuality, and either my aunt or my mother said, “And sometimes you have to be that for your husband too.” And the other one cosigned.


Here I was thinking that wife and whore were completely and utterly unrelated, opposites of one another. But these women, who I love and respect, who’d managed to make marriages work for decades, were telling me otherwise. I didn’t understand the full gravity of their words for years to come. But as I get older and older and realize the ways in which men/women/society tries to suppress women, the more I feel the truth in that statement. Women are “both and” not “either or.”

But more than a discussion on feminism or the sexualization of Black women, the smile on her face tells it all. There is no part of her expression or her body language that says she was uncomfortable with this, that she didn’t realize he was grabbing her booty. Nothing in her face says that by projecting herself or allowing herself to be projected as a sex object, she was somehow degrading herself or allowing her husband, with one gesture to remove her from the pedestaled position of wife. So regardless of what anyone else thinks about this, the fact that she was cool with it, should let us know we don’t have to be pressed either.

And to be clear, there were many more who were all for it.


Veronica Wells is the culture editor at She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter @VDubShrug.

Model Tabria Majors Calls Bull On Flat Tummy Tea In Frank Product Review

September 27th, 2016 - By Victoria Uwumarogie
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Detox teas don’t work. And while I think we all knew that, many people still try them based on the recommendations of their favorite celebrities and social media stars. Those well-known figures make the money from promotion while we, the little people, spend the money trying to keep up. But model Tabria Majors tried what is probably the most popular detox tea on the market, Flat Tummy Tea, and had no problem letting her followers know that they should save their money. It was a first, as most stars love to claim the tea is the best thing since sliced bread for their bloating:

As registered dietician Marci Clow told us back in May about these teas, overuse of them in an effort to get rid of bloating and possibly lose some weight can actually be harmful due to a loss in nutrients. This can cause dehydration, deficiency in potassium, and muscle cramping. “Most detox tea regimens contain diuretic and laxative herbal ingredients, which may be ‘natural’ but that doesn’t mean they are healthy, let alone safe,” she said.

And while Majors’s decision to call bull on the Flat Tummy Tea brand probably doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, it’s actually a great thing to see. So many social media personalities misuse their influence. They peddle products that really aren’t worth a damn to fans who won’t do the research to figure out what the deal is with the things they’re putting in or on their bodies. With that being said, I applaud Majors for telling it like it is.

Would You Use Social Media To Reconnect With A Potential Bae Like Leslie Jones?

September 23rd, 2016 - By Lauren R.D. Fox
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Leslie Jones

Los Angeles premiere of ‘Ghostbusters’ – Arrivals
Featuring: Leslie Jones
Where: Hollywood, California, United States
When: 09 Jul 2016
Credit: FayesVision/

While some of us may rely on serendipity or fate, others, like Leslie Jones, rely on social media to reconnect with potential baes who got away too soon.

Yesterday, the comedienne went out on a courageous limb and tweeted that while she attended the Governor’s Ball with friends, she found herself flirting with a cute bartender from Alabama who served her Southern hospitality, among other things. Unfortunately, Leslie’s friends were ready to go before she could exchange numbers with him and instead of fuming about the missed opportunity, Leslie decided to send out a search team for her love interest.

Since she posted the tweet, it’s been retweeted 152 times and favorited another 2,399. Because of the traction it received, many fans have asked Leslie if they can be invited to the wedding or even told her to step her game up.

But if you were in Leslie’s position would you ever try to find someone you had a romantic connection online? I wouldn’t necessarily tweet out a search for him but if we attended the same event and didn’t have mutual friends, I would look through the event’s hashtag to see if a photo of him appeared.

Would you do the same or allow the Universe to be the plug? Share below.


9 Tips For A Successful Social Media Cleanse

September 2nd, 2016 - By Nneka Samuel
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Image Source:

Image Source:

As wonderful as social media can be, there are times when you simply need to step away from Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Tumblr and the like. Why? Well, there are many reasons. Time, being one of them. You might plan on spending a few minutes on Facebook and suddenly, an hour later, you’re wondering where the time went. Time you could have spent doing a host of things. Time you should have spent doing a host of things. Then there’s the trolls. Racists, haters, know-it-alls, or some form of all three. Reading through your timelines and feeds can leave you feeling tired, sad, burned out or stressed. And yet, seemingly, you can’t look away.

That’s where you’re wrong. If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, you just might be in need of a social media cleanse. If you need a little help pulling your break off, we’ve got you covered with some helpful reminders and tips.

What’s With New Mothers Only Half-Way Showing Their Babies On Social Media?

August 25th, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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Mothers Only Half-Way Showing Their Babies On Social Media


I’m fully aware that there’s a good chance I might get stoned for writing this piece. Still, it’s a question that’s been lingering on my mind for far too long now. And I have to ask the question.

I notice on social media there are two types of mothers…maybe three. There are the type of mothers who post pictures of their newborn babies, with amniotic fluid still caked up on their faces. There are those who wait months to reveal their new bundles. And there is a third category. This type of mother doesn’t reveal the baby right after he or she is born. They may make an announcement with the name, birth weight and even a quick little anecdote about how their new loved one entered the world. There may even be an announcement that she and her partner have chosen not to reveal the baby just yet.

I certainly understand that. It’s your child and perhaps you don’t want every moment of their lives, from the time they were born, documented on social media. I get it. What I don’t understand is how these very same mothers then go on for weeks posting, what I like to call, detail shots. It’s not an actual image of the baby’s face but rather their fingers, toes, or blankets. I’ve seen one mother go so far as to darken an image to obscure her child’s face. And that’s what I really don’t get. I understand being proud and showing your baby fresh out of the womb. And I get trying to protect your child’s image for a little while, since you can’t exactly ask them if they want to be on Facebook. What I don’t understand is the in-between game. Why tease and taunt people with details? We know you had a baby. Many of these mothers have made an announcement that they are not ready to share the baby’s face yet. Even if they hadn’t, the last image of his lock of hair, made it pretty clear.

So what’s with all the mystery and secrecy?

My coworker suggested that people don’t want their children to be exposed to bad juju or those who would wish evil upon them online. Like the baby’s spirit is too young to be able to fight off bad spirits.

I can’t help but wonder if it’s the need for attention and validation even in the midst of trying to protect your child.

What do you think this is about? And more importantly, am I the only one annoyed by this behavior?

The Brave Woman’s Guide To Sliding Into DMs

August 25th, 2016 - By Patia Braithwaite
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The Best Opening Lines To Use On Dating Apps


As an elderly millennial, I’ve picked up the art of traditional flirting. I’m not saying I’m good at it, but I can force myself to touch a man’s shoulder or laugh at his stupid jokes if I have to. That said, we’ve approached a new age: the age of the direct message, otherwise known as the DM. If you’re on Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or Instagram, you are familiar with the private message — a place to send notes and pictures that the public can’t see.

I’ve heard that things go down in the DM, but up until recently, I had no firsthand knowledge of such happenings. Sadly, I haven’t mastered the art of sliding into anyone’s social media inbox, but after brunch one weekend (all bad ideas stem from bottomless mimosas),  I decided to direct message an old thot flame on Facebook. (Is it even called DMs on Facebook? I don’t know.)
“I’m sliding into your DMs,” I proclaimed triumphantly.
“Oh,” he responded. “Okay…”
There was silence before he added, “Snapchat me that pu**y if it’s….cool.”
I, too lame to realize he was quoting a song, was astounded by his forwardness. “Who does he think I am? Do people really Snapchat their vaginas if its…cool?” I thought to myself. “Is there an appropriate filter for these pictures?” Mortified and caught without a witty rebuttal, I closed my chat inbox and swore to never contact him again.  He already had my phone number though, and he text me a few days later.
Everything sort of worked out from there, I guess.
While I initially thought I’d bury this humiliating ordeal in the recesses of my mind, it occurred to me that my experience might help other women. Thus, I’ve asked a few of my favorite men for some tips on how to artfully slide into someone’s inbox. I now humbly share the process with you:
Step 1: Establish Rapport
As it turns out, sliding into one’s DMs works greatly when there is forward momentum. Whatever the social media platform, start off by liking a few posts/pictures. As most of you know, every time you like a picture, the person gets a notification. If you do this for a few days or so, you’re suddenly on the person’s radar.  Pro tip: spread your “likes” over a few days. It’s creepy to log into your account and see someone has liked 40 of your pictures in 12 minutes.
Step 2: Up the Ante
Once you’ve started liking pictures, you can up the ante by adding a comment. One of the guys I talked to suggested compliments that pertain to a particular picture. If your person has a gym picture (a.k.a., a thirst trap), you can compliment his body. If you’re feeling a little less aggressive, you can compliment something less eh…explicit. Maybe he posted a dope sunset or a clever meme. You can shower praise on it, and hopefully your would-be boo will say “thanks.”
Step 3: Slide in the DMs (With a Question)
So the guy has already noticed you in his mentions. He’s probably responded to your comments under his pictures. Now, you just slide into his inbox with a question relevant to his feed. If he has a million pictures from his trip to Philly, you can ask him how the cheese steaks were. The key is to start a private conversation, and BOOM! You just slid into the DMs like a ninja. Pro tip: Steer clear of yes or no questions. Open-ended questions give you more to work with.
Once you’ve started the conversation, the rest is familiar territory. However, if you’re still worried, take comfort in this: My awkward stumble into the DMs did yield a date. The sheer ridiculousness of my experience hints at something ALL of the men I talked to said explicitly: If a person finds you even remotely attractive, it doesn’t really matter how artfully you slide in.  Take your chance, kick down the door of the DMs, and give it your best shot.
The odds are in your favor.
(Special thanks to the gentlemen who contributed to this piece, especially @torres1pr. Ladies, if you want to practice your slide, I’m sure he would be down.)
Patia Braithwaite is a New York City-based writer. You can find her at, or sliding into some DMs on Instagram & Twitter @pdotbrathw8.

Signs You Need A Social Media Detox

August 22nd, 2016 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

When Kerry Washington announced that she had taken a break from social media, it caught all of her fans by surprise. What was even more brow-raising was the reason she took a break: social media wasn’t good for her self-esteem.

“That thing that happens in social media where you’re comparing your day or your life or your food or your mood or your kids to somebody else’s. I felt like I needed to create a little more stillness around me.”

We’ve all felt negative feelings about social media and its effect on us from time to time. But when celebrities are even saying they need a break, it might be time to consider whether or not we could all use a detox from time to time.

Turning social media off altogether doesn’t work for everyone, but there are ways to take brief breaks from all the noise if you’ve suffered from the following feelings and issues.

“I Just Found Things To Be Positive About”: Despite Online Haters, Gabby Douglas Had “Fantastic” Time In Rio

August 22nd, 2016 - By Victoria Uwumarogie
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AP Images

AP Images

From the outside looking in, the 2016 Rio Olympics definitely seemed like a nightmare for Gabby Douglas. And not so much because of struggles on the main stage, but mostly because of all that people had to say about her on social media. Everything she did became a problem. Somehow she went from being a golden girl to a target of ire by quite a few people online (the same people who were out here defending Ryan Lochte and calling him a 32-year-old “kid”). And yet, as she prepared to leave Rio, Douglas told People “I had fun.”

“Maybe people weren’t being fair on social media, but that’s social media for you,” Douglas said. “I just found things to be positive about. And there’s a lot to be happy about. We won the gold medal as a team, and it was just such an amazing experience. I came to the Olympics and won a gold medal! That’s still really awesome. I can only do what I can do, and if people want to say their stuff on social media, I can’t stop them.”

But where there was negativity, there was also positivity from people standing up for the gold medalist. The hashtag #LOVE4GABBYUSA  spread, which Douglas was more than appreciative of.

“That was just awesome,” she told the publication. “It felt really good to have people support me. It was a good reminder that where there is hate, love is more.”

So what’s next for Douglas? She told People that she’s excited to have some time to relax before heading back out with the Final Five to go on tour, which she says “will be a lot of fun.” All in all, the 20-year-old is looking forward and happy to be moving forward.

“It was a different experience than the last Olympics, but I’m happy with it,” she said. “I can’t wait to see what’s next.”


Leslie Jones Creates #LOVE4GABBYUSA To Combat All The Hate

August 16th, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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Earlier this week, we wrote about all the backlash Gabby Douglas has been receiving during this round of the Olympics. And we wrote about her tearful response to it all and even her mother saying she was heartbroken by the comments she witnessed on social media.

But if there is a bright side to all the hate she received, it’s the fact that a fellow Black woman, one who had been similarly bullied on social media, came to her defense. Over the weekend, I kept coming across the hashtag #LOVE4GABBYUSA but I didn’t know where it came from. Turns out, comedienne Leslie Jones was the one with the lightbulb above her head.

It wasn’t long before #LOVE4GABBYUSA was trending. And a host of celebs, including some of our faves, tweeted their support to the young Olympian.

And thankfully, Gabby saw the tweets.

Kirk Franklin And Why Women Don’t Need Anymore ‘Stand By Your Man’ Advice

August 8th, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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Source: Facebook

Source: Facebook

I don’t know why it took me up until this year to realize that, in addition to his gospel music for the masses, Kirk Franklin actually has some very empowering words to share as well. My boyfriend and I attended one of his concerts and I was surprised to hear not only his comments but the thought, revelation and honesty behind them. He’s more than just the frontman, the performer and showman I thought he was. More than just his concert, he preached this sermonette type thing in his studio one day that was so good I had to share it on my Facebook page.

He has insight.

So, when I saw that a post he shared about his marriage to his wife Tammy was getting quite a bit of attention on Facebook, I decided to see what he had to say. And true to the pattern I’d witnessed, Kirk was dropping some knowledge.


So, where’s the story?

Well, after I read Kirk’s words, I scrolled down to see a comment that had over thirteen thousand likes. 13,934 at the time of publication, to be exact.

Screen Shot 2016-08-08 at 11.25.36 AM

That certainly puts a different spin on things now doesn’t it? I just knew after reading Crystal’s comment that people were going to be UPset. I assumed that they were going to call her bitter, lonely, miserable, negative and everything else they call women with an opinion they don’t agree with. And while, there were certainly those who didn’t agree with her, they did so respectfully. There were those who liked it. And there were those who responded saying that they could see the beauty in both Kirk’s story and the truth in her response to it.

And in the words of DJ Khaled, “I like that.”

Sometimes, quite a few times, issues are not simply black and white, right or wrong. There’s gray area. There’s common ground. There are two sides of the story and each of them raise valid points.

Is it a beautiful thing that Kirk’s wife Tammy decided to stick by him when he was acting a fool? Yes, absolutely.

Do men with platforms often use them to tell women how they should move and behave in the world? Sho nuff.

Kirk can only tell his story, from his perspective. And his perspective is that he’s thankful his wife stuck by him, waiting for him to grow up. That’s what he knows. But I’m sure Kirk Franklin is not the only man who has felt abandoned and then turned around and did that same thing to other people in his life. I’m sure that men, who are completely unaccustomed to getting relationship advice from high profile men, would have heeded his words. It’s a real story. Instead, Kirk, fell into the paternalistic trap so many men do. Instead of digging deeper into his own shortcomings as a man, he spoke about his wife’s willingness to stay while he grew up. And that would have been fine if he were speaking about their situation specifically. But then he turned it around and offered advice to other women, encouraging them, without knowing the particular men they’re dealing with, to do the same.

Honestly, this idea of standing by your man, whether he’s right or wrong, is not new or radical. I don’t think it’s unfair to say that women’s default position is to stay, give one too many chances and hope that the person they love will eventually do and be better. We don’t need to hear that we need to wait for a man in a relationship. That’s what we do! In fact, far too many of us are sticking around for far too long.

Instead, now more than ever, it’s time for men to start talking to each other about how to behave in relationships. It’s time for them to be open and honest about their mistakes, not laughing them off or rationalizing. It’s time for them to take responsibility for how their actions may have hurt the women in their lives. And it’s time for men to ask tough questions of their friends who are living foul. There are some things men will never understand about women and some things women will never understand about men. So instead of them offering advice, from a position that is unlike ours in the world, why not speak to the people who can better relate to your stories and struggles. Speak to the fellas. Lord knows there are quite a few who could use the guidance.