Your Man’s Cheating Produced a Child – Can You Work It Out?

July 15th, 2012 - By Brooke Dean

candydiaries.com

If you’ve been following Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta, you know that one of the main storylines involves infideltiy. While finding out that your significant other has cheated on you is bad enough, discovering that a pregnancy has resulted from that affair can be even more devastating. If the relationship is fairly new, you may decide that the ONLY way to handle such a blow is to simply bounce. After all, if he’s running around town cheating, and NOT using protection, you’d be better off leaving him…and saving yourself and your health in the process. But what if he’s your husband? What if you have children of your own together? Do you still leave, or do you work it out?
There is no right or wrong answer; only you know what you can and cannot handle. However, if you choose to stay in a relationship where a child is the product of an affair (confirmed by a paternity test of course), there are a few things you need to consider in order to reconcile the relationship and move past the pain.

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  • Think

    Its always very easy to say I would leave but you never know what yoyr gonna do until your in the situation…some of you women have men that you know are cheating and your still with them…so lets be honest people.

    • MLS2698

      Not me. I divorced with no hesitation after finding out about his infidelity. Life/health above all else.

  • amansview

    Followed to its logical conclusion, cheating is a form of self-hatred, which means the person cheated on will never receive the love that should be expected in a relationship, because if a person hates him/herself, they cannot give authentic love. Cheaters are losers!

  • Kay

    Hell No that can’t be worked out he would be out on his a s s within seconds of me finding out

  • Thank You!

    Noo no no no hell no!..why is this even a question….ugg..

  • Anon Ymous

    As the child of a former side piece I can say a resounding NO!!! It hurts on every single angle. No one wins. To this day I am still dealing with the repercussions of my parents’ actions and am in therapy. I would wish it on no one.

    • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.codner Barbara Codner

      You’re not alone. The only thing you can do is be better to your own children and try to be the parent that you never had.

    • MLS2698

      This is what we need to hear more of: the view from “side piece” children. I have always said, that if a woman chooses to stay with her husband/man after he creates a baby outside of the relationship, they should allow that child to sit at the dinner table, etc, and be a part of the family 100%. If you accept the man, accept the child. Personally, the relationship would be over, because my health and well being is more important.

  • Maldrie

    I don’t see how women can be with a man that has done them that way, you are basically saying you do not have any respect for yourself by allowing a man to treat you second rate and you are basically saying you will put up with anything because of love and men will take advantage of that to the max.

  • Maldrie

    NO! Not only did he break the bond we established but he created a bond with the other woman that will be forever, I don’t care what any says having a child with someone bonds them for life even if it was for one night. Why would I want someone that cheated on me, got the other woman pregnant and after all that things will never be the same. So hell no I wouldn’t even try to work things out although I’ll forgive him because you’re supposed to forgive but I couldn’t be with him knowing he betrayed me and may do it again.

  • lalatarea

    No, heck no! life is too short to bring unto yourself unnecessary heartache, stress, & STDs

  • NONNI

    i wouldn’t stay whether or not i had kids with him…..if we had a child or children together then i would make sure the siblings get to know their step-sibling if not for anything to avoid them meeting, dating and getting married in the future only to find out they are blood related

  • Coco Black

    I was with a guy years back and discovered he had got his side-piece pregnant. She contacted me on FB and it explains all my silent calls I was getting. I confronted him..he lied and lied…the girl was crazy, had mental health issues etc etc. I told him we were finished…that he was disgusting and disrespectful. Didn’t even respect me enough to wrap it up!! I’d already decided that he wasn’t for me do the ‘new’ situation was the icing on the cake!! I dumped his ar***….even had to get the police involved as he kept turning up at my house and calling me. He had the nerve to turn into a stalker?!?!?! Lol. These type of situations for me CAN NEVER BE RESOLVED!! I hear he’s not even with her and gives him hell. Ain’t karma a bit**!!! I’ve never looked back or spoke to him dumb ar** since. I

  • Hey

    If he could cheat enough to have a child, think of what else he might get next – STDs. Nope, it’s a wrap for the relationship!

  • LemonsandLimes

    You would be surprised how common this actually is. While I agree with 95% of the article, sometimes no contact is healthiest for all involved. These sidepices will use that innocent child for money, revenge and for their own selfishness. There are many couples out there who pay the support and have no other involvement because of many reasons. this situation is not black or white, its very gray and if you are dealing with a crazy baby mama, you have to make some tough choices.

    • LemonsandLimes

      And yes i know that child suffers, and yes its heartbreaking, but when there are other children and the rest of the family involved, that changes everything.

  • FairMaiden

    I got pregnant at 19 by my boyfriend of 2yrs. I was excited about the baby but when i told him i was pregnant he flipped out on me & demanded that i get an abortion. he told me that he didnt want ANOTHER kid and his girlfriend would leave if she found out. ANOTHER KID?? GIRLFRIEND?? I had no idea this man that i had been with for 2yrs was in a relationship with someone else and already had a baby with her. Well she found out about me & the baby, she left him, and suddenly he wanted to be everything to me. I told him he was more than welcome to be in our child’s life but i didnt want to be with him. I understood that i was & had been somebody he could have sex with &nothing more. Everyone is hurt in situations like this not jst 1person so ask yourself..IS IT WORTH IT?

    • MLS2698

      You get somewhat of a pass because you were really young. But some of these women think being a side piece, or extra benefit to a man is somehow a good thing. They don’t care about asking questions, meeting his family, or seeing where he lives. All they do is satisfy that warm, fussy ( spelled wrong on purpose) feeling.

  • FattyFatKimye

    No, as long as he takes care of his baby, we’re not gonna be together after that. Next thing he’ll be giving you is an incurable STD.

  • mindypatterson

    no.i mean it’s one thing to cheat and make things right again because people do it all the time,BUT it’s an entirely different story,when a child that belongs to your mate and the thing on the side,is born.that’s when you pack your bags and steep.

  • FAMURattler85

    Nawwwww, I couldn’t stay with a man who did this. It can’t get anymore disrespectful than having a child with someone else. If he went out sexing someone else without protection and got her pregnant, he could be out there doing the same with others. I’m not going to stay in the relationship and risk my health and dignity. Goodbye

  • GoodCookie

    That’s the ultimate no-no. Highly disrespectful on so many levels. Why would u continue on with somebody that didn’t love u enough to do right in the first place.

  • Miss D

    I’ve never been in that situation (and hope that I never am) but I don’t think I could stay with the guy. I know it’s easier said than done and I applaud those who work things out in this situation. For me, cheating and having a child outside of the relationship is the ultimate form of disrespect. It’d be easier for me to leave if I were childless as well. Let them have each other and start their own family.

    • Amija James

      I agree. My friend was getting married in August and found out her fiance got someone pregnant in June. She still married him and 3 years later they’re getting a divorce because he was cheating on her. Personally, I feel that if he doesn’t care about getting HIV, I can’t stay with him. I’d hate to test HIV positive because he wanted to play around.

  • IllyPhilly

    Noooope! He was inconsiderate on so many levels. Number one being using NO protection.

    • guest

      Number one being that he chested in the first place.

  • http://twitter.com/VictoriaGrooves Victoria grooves

    I think it can be worked out if that’s what you both want as long as you remember it’s not the child’s fault in any way

    • Amija James

      Can it be worked out if you get HIV?

      • Miss Anonymous

        Nope it never can. First he is cheating. Not only that but he got the woman pregnant meaning that unprotected sex was involved. Unprotected sex was involved with this woman and it will make you wonder if he has had unprotected sex with others while being with you. A baby isnt the worst thing to happen but would he had told you about it if a pregnancy didnt occur? Also there are uncurable STDs out there and you could have easily gotten it from his stupidity.

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