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Not all affection is good. I know—it seems good. But, there is a time and place for a certain type of affection, and you can tell a lot about a man’s intentions with you based on how he honors that time and that place, or how he completely disregards them. Usually, women are just happy to get affection at all from a man they are into. If he is shoving his tongue down your throat, and you’ve been interested in him for months, great! But…it’s not always great. Sometimes a man does want to date you, and you can see it in the way he touches you. But sometimes, he just wants to sleep with you, and you should learn to read that in his affection, too.

The first date make out

There’s nothing wrong with making out on the first date. But, if a guy is aggressively slobbering all over you right in the restaurant—kissing your neck, pushing you up against the back of the booth you’re sitting in, not even realizing when the server is standing there waiting to give you the check—he is either a) drunk b) needy and already trying to act like a couple or c) just hoping to have sex with you. I’m sorry but, a first date is not entitled to that kind of PDA. That is rushing things, which normally means he plans on rushing everything else.

The reach across the table

On a first date, this can mean a couple of things. Either you did just said something that made the guy realize he really likes you OR, he is trying to get you in bed. If he grabs your hand and continues the conversation right where you left if off, then he probably just likes you. If he grabs your hand and says something completely unrelated to what you just said, maybe he even interrupts you, he is just trying to seem sweet so you’ll sleep with him.

Hand on the lower back

This is generally just how a man asserts to other men that, yes, this is a date and you two are not just friends. It is also how he shows you that he is protective of you and wants to take care of you. Not in the , “I’ll beat someone up for you” sense, but in the sense that he wants to show you he cares about your needs. You’ll notice men often put their hand on your lower back when they turn to you and ask what you’d like to order from the bar, or ask if you need them to hail you a cab. It’s their way of saying “you’re safe with me.”

Poking your belly

Men do this when it hasn’t been established yet that you two are more than friends. They do it when they want to make it perfectly clear that they are interested in you, but to this point, the conversation has just been friendly. They will usually be teasing you when they do it. But, if a man does this, he is into you. Your best guy friend is not going to touch your belly while you’re standing super close. Think about it. It’s a very intimate gesture.

The arm rub

This is another one men do when it hasn’t been established yet that you will be more than friends. That being said, if you’re at a party or bar with a guy you’ve just met, and when you say something funny he puts his hand on your shoulder and moves it down your arm while he is laughing—as if to pretend that’s just what he does when he laughs—he is trying to sleep with you. It is too blatantly flirtaceous of a move for a man who wants to get to know you and date you. When he does that, every other guy watching instantly knows that he wants you. A man doesn’t put himself in that spotlight unless he just wants to sleep with you. He would be more subtle if he wanted a relationship.

The shoulder rub

When a man walks up behind you and gently grabs your shoulders before coming around to face you, he is trying not to overstep boundaries. This could be a friend who likes you as more than a friend but is trying to be very subtle about it until he knows how you feel. The shoulder rub could easily be read as a “hey buddy” gesture but, someone who really just feels “hey buddy” about you doesn’t actually feel the urge to touch you.

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