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Christmas is this Sunday, and if you’re unlucky like a lot of people, you’ll have to see every crazy aunt, trifling cousin or drunken uncle at the family dinner. We all know family is family, and you love them the best you can, but in all honesty, there are some relatives you wind up wishing would have got caught in traffic on their way to your mother’s house. We all have at least one or two in our family, but then again, some of us have all the following ratchet relatives listed below. Pray for us.

That One Family Member Always Asking for Something

As if you hadn’t spent enough money during the holiday season, family gatherings can become a mess when a cousin, brother, or anybody for that matter asks you for something out of the blue that’s way out of your price range. Say no and you can expect either a big guilt trip or a whole lot of attitude for supposedly not being as generous as you are “able” to be. And what makes this relative a pain is the fact that you and he/she both know they have a track record for begging! Tell them you just don’t have it and head for the dance floor (aka, your mother’s living room where they’re blasting somebody’s iPod).

The Relative That Tries to Overfeed You Then Comment on Your Weight

There’s nothing worse in my opinion than being in the cheerful holiday spirit, and then walking into a room full of smiling family members whose smiles turn into confusion when they look at you. “Dang girl, what have you been eating!?” It’s nice to see you again too, auntie. While weight gain happens, it’s a trip when you have an aunt, grandmother, cousin–whomever, who wants you to eat everything they cooked for Christmas dinner, but then wants to get on you for how big you have managed to get in their eyes. Really? Weren’t you just trying to stuff a turkey leg and some potato salad in my face? Politely smile and keep an upbeat attitude about it, because the more positive you are about any weight fluctuations, the less people seem to bring it up.

The Relative Who Wants to Be in ALL of Your Pictures Doing the Most…

So you brought your camera to take a few nice pictures and capture some new memories. One minute you’re snapping your little nephew cutting up a rug, the next, you’re doing an impromptu photo shoot in the kitchen with folks you haven’t seen in a very long time. Unfortunately for you, they want to be seen, and if there’s a camera around, they’re going to wind up on it whether you like it or not. You’re not going to kick them out of the photo, right? Just take it, smile and take a mental note to crop them out of pics they ruined when you upload your photos later (*wink*).

The Extra Competitive Family Member

This is that one family member who can never just let you enjoy something, whether that is a board game, dancing around with family, or just talking about your own recent accomplishments. This individual just can’t have that happen without jumping in and trying to steal all the shine. Just because I wanted to do a little two-step to some holiday jams doesn’t mean I’m ready to have a “Blood on the Dance Floor” dance battle! Not everything has to be a competition of course, but some people just don’t like to look like they’re not doing it big if other people are, and don’t want you to have bragging rights. I would recommend limiting your time around them as much as possible so you don’t bump heads, especially if the said person is a man. Otherwise, they’ll have you playing Wii all night to prove a point. I’m just saying.

The Family Member Who Doesn’t Understand That People Change…

Maybe last time someone saw you, you were half your size, had long luxurious hair (that you bought) and clear skin. Now they see you a bit stressed out and bigger, with a natural cut that’s REALLY short and some acne. Instead of playing nice and just making a mental note of your changes, they want to know: “What happened?” Ouch much? That’s like saying, “you were once so cute, what went wrong?” to someone whose feelings you should be a bit more cognizant of. Now, if these changes happened seemingly overnight in their eyes and they literally did occur in a short span of time, then it might be okay to worry, but if they haven’t seen you in years? Just tell them, “Hey, what can I say? Times change and so do people!” Let them know you’re good and leave it at that.

The Alleged “Uncle” Who Can’t Act Right Whatsoever

You don’t know who this individual really is. They could honestly just be a family friend fronting as an uncle or aunt. All you really know about them is when they come around, they have to tell you a story to remind you that you are family, and when the Heineken comes out, they get a little too loose. Same goes for those family members who know they have no filter when they drink, but are the main ones bringing beer to every holiday shindig. This individual starts talking out of the side of their neck, talking crazy about the way you or some of your other relatives look, act, whatever. They flop around the dance floor like a scene out of Weekend at Bernie’s, and when they leave, are trying to walk out with like five plates, even though they live alone. Be as polite as you can to this one and unless you’re on duty to drive them home at then end of the night, stick to the far other side of the room they’re not in.

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