Many outside influences put pressure on women to find a man and settle down. However, many women looking for a spouse find themselves alone and unhappy. But why, you’re a great catch? It may in fact be that the way we project ourselves on the outside, doesn’t match with our inward desire to be loved and accepted by a man. As reported on Oprah, CNN, ABC News, and the Washington Post, 70% of Black women are single, and 42% are unmarried. Of course some women desire to be single, and good for them, but for the rest of you, what could the problem be? It’s most likely something you are completely unaware of. Take a look at the top 7 reasons you might be alone and how you can adjust your life to make room for a great relationship.
1. You project your negative feelings on the outside. Many of us don’t understand that how we feel inside really does project on the outside. If you feel cynical, judgmental or unhappy, no matter how much your latest haircut, manicurist, trainer, or diet fad costs, your looks will reflect how you f eel. If you have been let down by men beginning with your dad when you were six, or by your boyfriend who got stolen from you when you were 17 years old, and you never resolved it, then you will attract a man who gets stolen from you or abandons you time after time.
2. Our exterior and interior do not match. Yes, it is true that out exterior is what gets a man’s attention. The whole first impression thing. This includes our smile, look, personality, attitude, confidence and overall attractiveness. However, this outward appearance is not what lands you a man who keeps coming back for more. Meaning, even if our interior is filled with our love for God, family, friends, honesty, supportive, respectful and emotionally stable qualities, our exterior might be keeping him from exploring that. Obviously it’s important to find a balance between your exterior and interior by avoiding unhealthy emphasis on our appearance. However, sitting in a dark corner with a sour face is not exactly a warm welcome for a potential great catch. Put your best foot (or best shoes) forward and create a strong moral ground to round out your desirable package.
3. Life has taught you to be critical. Men are emotional beings just as women are. They enjoy sex, but they want to build a life with a woman who is kind and loving. There is a saying that “every man loves a Itchbay.” Many women misinterpret this. Men like a strong, confident woman who is capable of loving herself and others. Men do not like mean women. Also, don’t fall into the cynical cycle either. Just because your mom and dad divorced when you were young and your best friend just found her husband cheating on her, does NOT mean all men are evil and relationships are the devil’s playground. Be aware of who you are dating and never overlook something that bothers you. Confront your man once something smells fishy. Yes, it’s better late than never. But it’s better now than late.
4. Your standard of measurement is askew. Lets get this straight, sexual attraction is important, but in regards to a husband, honesty and a strong, moral character is just as important. Do you really want a relationship filled with passion and heat in the bedroom, but which lacks reliability and emotional stability? Be sure you are measuring what you find desirable in a realistic, livable way. As women, we get attached and naturally develop emotions faster and deeper than our male counterparts. Don’t be a crazy clingy girl, but be alert if his emotions are lacking, or not developing at all, and make your move.
5. Not being honest with yourself. The majority of single women over 35 who want to be married are in relationships with people that they don’t really love or see a future with. They lie to these guys and tell them such things as, “Yeah, it’s okay if we don’t get married.” They move in with him and begin a life, many times committing years to a man who is never going to commit to them. Don’t be afraid of telling your man the truth if you want to be married and do see yourself as a mother one day. The right guy for you will want the same things, or at least find a compromise with you. If you want to get married, make it known, be authentic up front, and don’t settle for someone who is still playing the field. It’s important to feel your worth whether you are in a relationship or not. Be strong in who you are and strive to find a man who enriches your life, not brings you down.
6. You don’t like yourself. Women who are single and over a certain age become very self-focused. They begin to see all of their flaws, generally in the looks department, and the world becomes totally centered on them. The more this happens, the more they repel others. Soon, they find themselves alone and begin to think they don’t deserve anyone. When a man is looking for a wife, any vibes of self hate come through loud and clear. The classic quote “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else” is very true. Putting your time and energy into loving yourself is a task enough. You’ll be able to fake it but “loving” someone else for a while, but in the long term your steam will run out and your mate will be the first to notice your hidden self-hate.
7. You’ve made a conscience decision to be single. In today’s society, women have a strong desire to simply be happy, whether that means being married or not. Being single is not synonymous with being “alone”. Many single people do have a meaningful love relationship in their life. Traditionally the end goal of two people who love each other is marriage, but maybe you have made other plans for yourself. If you are happy as a single woman, dating and enjoying the freedom of your life, than more power to you. In no way should you feel pressure to marry, if deep down you know it is not right for you. Do what makes you happy and always remember to be smart, be safe, and always splurge on shoes!
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